Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother which is the first commandment with a promise that is may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth. Ephesians 6:1-3
I have often heard it said that the first verse, obey your parents is when you are growing up as a child and then a teenager. Honor your father and mother is when you are an adult and your parents are aging.
What does honor your parents really mean? The dictionary says honor is a showing of usually merited respect or recognition. It is a hard balance as you come into adulthood to humble yourself and listen to someone else who is older and to make your own decisions regardless of the advice your receive. Somewhere between 12 and 25, parents and those who are a little older somehow don't know very much. As a college student, we gained an education and had high hopes of changing the world. When you move into your 30's raising a family, you realize that you have limited experience and can use advice from those who are older. Beyond your 30's you realize that there is so much in life that you don't know, there are so many who are more wise. You will spend the rest of your life learning.
I think honor is taking time to be with your parents. Every relationship is different. Some people have very close relationships with one or both parents. If you are really blessed you might have a great relationship with your in-laws as well. With a great relationship you can spend countless hours, or days with the person that you are close to. Other relationships are broken or dysfunctional and just to spend a few hours with that person can be a challenge. For some, distance stands between you and your parents. We have made it a priority to make a trip every summer to spend time with family far away. For relationships that are difficult, short visits like a few hours or dinner out is a great solution to show honor.
Many of my friends are watching their parents age. As they age, somehow roles reverse and senility creeps in. Bodies and minds fail and now children are forced into care giving roles. Honor still applies no matter what age your parents become. As long as they are able to care for themselves and make their own decisions, I think honor and respect allows them to be individuals. I have heard children talk down to their parents, yell at them, lecture them, in effect demeaning them and robbing their parents of dignity. All of these behaviors are opposite of honor. In the end, I ask myself, by loving your parents as yourself, as they are aging, "How would I want to be treated?" If I was put in an elderly care place, what kind of place would I want to be? How would I want to be treated by my children and others who are caring for me?
The last part of the verse above is "that it may go well with you and may you have a long life."The first part is a command, Honor your Parents. The second part is a promise. You will have a great life in the end if you follow this command. My children are watching our example of how we treat our parents and grandparents. It is my prayer that they will take care of us if we have to stay here on this earth in our old age.
How do you treat your parents as well as in-laws or your grandparents? Do you treat them with respect and honor? Do you make time to visit them? Do you talk to them with dignity? What do you want your life to look like when you age? It is a reality for all of us!!!
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Love your Son(s) As Yourself
"It is easier to raise boys than to fix men."
I have so many stories to tell of what it is like to raise a son. Dylan is very cause and effect! He is adventurous, curious, not afraid to get dirty, try new things, loud, full of energy and quick to fix a problem. He is quick to tell you his opinion, a story or a joke. He doesn't lack words like many boys. He has smashed batteries to see what is inside, torn apart flashlights, smashed eggs to see if there was a chicken inside on the sofa landing in the carpet, created many experiments in the kitchen with numerous boxes of baking soda and bottles of vinegar. I have lost many tupperware containers to nature experiments and probably most of my teaspoons as well.
In essence, Dylan is very sensory-based. He has to experience everything through sight, hearing, touch and smell. He is impulsive and has a hard time sitting still for too long. He is extremely bright, brave and daring, he always want to make things happen. He can be bossy and a know it all. He is excels at everything he does if he puts in effort, struggles with losing and needs patience in carrying through with directions. I often have to look him in the eye if I want him to follow through. He is strong-willed, has tons of confidence, self-sufficient and a born leader.
We have found he does better with a set schedule, clear boundaries, clear consequences and consistent follow through. He loves it when you spend one on one time with him. Although we have our challenges, Dylan is such a fun, loving, party waiting to happen. He has always been known as the class clown and he brings fun into our home where we are pretty serious individuals. Often we find ourself praying and asking God for wisdom.
Boys! Shaping Ordinary Boys into Extraordinary Men by William Beausay II is a great resource. He suggests building qualities such as respect, disciplined habits, good habits, complete mastery of a skill and a spiritual foundation. One way we have encouraged mastery is that if one of our kids plays a sport or musical instrument, they must complete the season or year even if they hate it. We have not found a sport that Dylan LOVES but we keep trying many team sports hoping that some day soon he will find one he likes.
We are learning what Dylan's gifts and talents are and how to inspire him to do his best in everything. He has great potential and learning comes easily to him. Tim Kimmel's Grace Based Parenting talks about the perfect balance between Truth (Clear Rules) and Favor (Heart-connected Relationship). Rules without relationship leads to rebellion. Relationship without rules leads to resentment. Dylan has a very soft heart and grasps concepts about God quickly. We are working to establish a heart of gratitude and to respect others like yourself. I often say, if you aim at nothing, you gain nothing. We truly are believing that God will use Dylan in a mighty way some day, we just are instruments to guide his journey....
I have so many stories to tell of what it is like to raise a son. Dylan is very cause and effect! He is adventurous, curious, not afraid to get dirty, try new things, loud, full of energy and quick to fix a problem. He is quick to tell you his opinion, a story or a joke. He doesn't lack words like many boys. He has smashed batteries to see what is inside, torn apart flashlights, smashed eggs to see if there was a chicken inside on the sofa landing in the carpet, created many experiments in the kitchen with numerous boxes of baking soda and bottles of vinegar. I have lost many tupperware containers to nature experiments and probably most of my teaspoons as well.
In essence, Dylan is very sensory-based. He has to experience everything through sight, hearing, touch and smell. He is impulsive and has a hard time sitting still for too long. He is extremely bright, brave and daring, he always want to make things happen. He can be bossy and a know it all. He is excels at everything he does if he puts in effort, struggles with losing and needs patience in carrying through with directions. I often have to look him in the eye if I want him to follow through. He is strong-willed, has tons of confidence, self-sufficient and a born leader.
We have found he does better with a set schedule, clear boundaries, clear consequences and consistent follow through. He loves it when you spend one on one time with him. Although we have our challenges, Dylan is such a fun, loving, party waiting to happen. He has always been known as the class clown and he brings fun into our home where we are pretty serious individuals. Often we find ourself praying and asking God for wisdom.
Boys! Shaping Ordinary Boys into Extraordinary Men by William Beausay II is a great resource. He suggests building qualities such as respect, disciplined habits, good habits, complete mastery of a skill and a spiritual foundation. One way we have encouraged mastery is that if one of our kids plays a sport or musical instrument, they must complete the season or year even if they hate it. We have not found a sport that Dylan LOVES but we keep trying many team sports hoping that some day soon he will find one he likes.
We are learning what Dylan's gifts and talents are and how to inspire him to do his best in everything. He has great potential and learning comes easily to him. Tim Kimmel's Grace Based Parenting talks about the perfect balance between Truth (Clear Rules) and Favor (Heart-connected Relationship). Rules without relationship leads to rebellion. Relationship without rules leads to resentment. Dylan has a very soft heart and grasps concepts about God quickly. We are working to establish a heart of gratitude and to respect others like yourself. I often say, if you aim at nothing, you gain nothing. We truly are believing that God will use Dylan in a mighty way some day, we just are instruments to guide his journey....
Monday, February 7, 2011
Love Your Daughter(s) as Yourself
Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not turn from it. Proverbs 22:6
Having a daughter is a gift from God. Ever since she was a little girl, she has been my buddy, doing female kinds of activities! I took her everywhere and we did everything together, especially when dad was out of town. We still do. Although, now is she gaining some independence from us and doesn't always want me to come with. Those moments are bittersweet, joyful that she is wanting to branch out and be her own person and sad that we are raising her to fly away.
In generations past, parents always thought it was enough to provide food, clothing, shelter and teach their kids morals and a work ethic. As I grow older I see the our responsibilities are far greater. Underlying everything is to teach them God's two greatest commandments, Love God and Love others. Your moral characteristics fall under the first commandment and your relational attributes fall under the second commandment. What are some of the things we have been working on through the years with Abby?
Every child has some of our characteristics but they are also a unique individual. Abby by far is a perfectionist. She never quits. She wants nothing less than an A and has never received a B on her report card since 3rd grade. This brings challenges. I have told her since she was little that whether it was school, music, sports, that all we expect is her to do her best, nothing less. If she failed and was doing her best then are still proud of her. This type of personality always seeks to please. She is hard on herself without us inspiring that in her. A perfectionist can also tend to expect more from people than they have to give. We have been helping her try to extend grace to herself as well as others. Every human being is imperfect!
Some of her great qualities is that she is highly loyal to the people that she loves. She is sensitive to others and is deeply perceptive and can read a person well. She is a deep thinker and listens well before speaking. She is also a great debater especially when she is trying to gain something from us. She loves animals and is gentle in spirit. She is a lover of truth and is honest in how she feels and events that take place.
We have been challenged when to push her outside of her box, and when to stand back and just either give her space or give her a listening ear.
Gary Smalley has written a book called the Five Love Languages. It is a great book that talks about how each of us receive love. Quality time, Touch, Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, and Gifts Given are the five languages. Abby wants our time and our words of affirmation. She loves us going out and watching her horseback lessons and shows. She thrives on praise for a job well done. We make a conscious effort to show her love in the way that speaks to her.
It is our highest goal for her that she will know who she is in God alone; that she is deeply loved by Him, not having anything to do with earning His love. We want her to know that she doesn't walk any journey alone, that she is the daughter of The King and has security in knowing that she has the keys to HIS kingdom. By knowing these principles it doesn't matter what anyone says or does to her, her self esteem is not based on how others view her. We live to please God, not men. It is my prayer that she will know an unconditional love from us, no matter what she says or does. That one day she will know what her purpose is here on earth. Finally I pray that we can partner with her in finding her gifts and talents so that she is willing to serve God and others with her time.
Tim Kimmel says, "God places no value on wealth, beauty, power and fame. True Greatness is a passionate love for God that shows itself in an unquenchable love and concern for others." To me that sums up the essence for her life in the future. Whether we think about the college she will attend, her future career, her future spouse or where she will live, if we can train her for true greatness, GOD will lead her in all of her future choices.
Having a daughter is a gift from God. Ever since she was a little girl, she has been my buddy, doing female kinds of activities! I took her everywhere and we did everything together, especially when dad was out of town. We still do. Although, now is she gaining some independence from us and doesn't always want me to come with. Those moments are bittersweet, joyful that she is wanting to branch out and be her own person and sad that we are raising her to fly away.
In generations past, parents always thought it was enough to provide food, clothing, shelter and teach their kids morals and a work ethic. As I grow older I see the our responsibilities are far greater. Underlying everything is to teach them God's two greatest commandments, Love God and Love others. Your moral characteristics fall under the first commandment and your relational attributes fall under the second commandment. What are some of the things we have been working on through the years with Abby?
Every child has some of our characteristics but they are also a unique individual. Abby by far is a perfectionist. She never quits. She wants nothing less than an A and has never received a B on her report card since 3rd grade. This brings challenges. I have told her since she was little that whether it was school, music, sports, that all we expect is her to do her best, nothing less. If she failed and was doing her best then are still proud of her. This type of personality always seeks to please. She is hard on herself without us inspiring that in her. A perfectionist can also tend to expect more from people than they have to give. We have been helping her try to extend grace to herself as well as others. Every human being is imperfect!
Some of her great qualities is that she is highly loyal to the people that she loves. She is sensitive to others and is deeply perceptive and can read a person well. She is a deep thinker and listens well before speaking. She is also a great debater especially when she is trying to gain something from us. She loves animals and is gentle in spirit. She is a lover of truth and is honest in how she feels and events that take place.
We have been challenged when to push her outside of her box, and when to stand back and just either give her space or give her a listening ear.
Gary Smalley has written a book called the Five Love Languages. It is a great book that talks about how each of us receive love. Quality time, Touch, Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, and Gifts Given are the five languages. Abby wants our time and our words of affirmation. She loves us going out and watching her horseback lessons and shows. She thrives on praise for a job well done. We make a conscious effort to show her love in the way that speaks to her.
It is our highest goal for her that she will know who she is in God alone; that she is deeply loved by Him, not having anything to do with earning His love. We want her to know that she doesn't walk any journey alone, that she is the daughter of The King and has security in knowing that she has the keys to HIS kingdom. By knowing these principles it doesn't matter what anyone says or does to her, her self esteem is not based on how others view her. We live to please God, not men. It is my prayer that she will know an unconditional love from us, no matter what she says or does. That one day she will know what her purpose is here on earth. Finally I pray that we can partner with her in finding her gifts and talents so that she is willing to serve God and others with her time.
Tim Kimmel says, "God places no value on wealth, beauty, power and fame. True Greatness is a passionate love for God that shows itself in an unquenchable love and concern for others." To me that sums up the essence for her life in the future. Whether we think about the college she will attend, her future career, her future spouse or where she will live, if we can train her for true greatness, GOD will lead her in all of her future choices.
Friday, February 4, 2011
Love Your Role Model as Yourself
She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. Proverbs 31: 25-26
Have you ever longed for a person outside of your family to walk this journey called life with you?
12 years ago, I felt such a void in my life that wouldn't subside. As I grow older, I realize that it takes a community to raise a child. One day my daughter will be grown and realize that her earthly mother had many imperfections. She already knows I have some, I have made it a point to bring it to her attention that I make mistakes and often it takes an I'm Sorry to make things right. However, it could be that she might wake up one day and say, I think I need a mentor, someone who I can talk to that will be objective without judging me or me hurting their feelings.
Years ago, I asked God to bring someone into my life and HE far exceeded my expectations!!! Diane is like a second mother to me, although she is too young to be my mom, she is filled with wisdom beyond her years. I have so many "Dianisms" that I often repeat to my kids as well as other friends. She raised a family and is now raising a grandchild.
Proverbs 31 talks about The Wife of Noble Character. Proverbs talks about bringing her husband no harm, working with her hands, providing food for her family, starting a business, helping the poor, extending her hand to the needy, making coverings for her bed, bringing respect to her husband from outsiders, watching over the affairs of her household and not being idle, fearing the Lord. I can honestly say after all of these years, my dear friend is all of these!
I could fill a book of how she has cared for her family; the most vivid picture being how she sat by her mother's bedside for months off and on, especially the last weeks of her mom's life. She has taken countless meals and visited young moms who were in the hospital or having their babies. My most precious memory was on Thanksgiving Day, 2001. I had to stay in the hospital for 4 days after the birth of Dylan. Paul was most graciously home, preparing Thanksgiving Dinner for my family, with Abby by his side. While my family was having dinner, Diane came up to the hospital and sat by my bedside. She brought me a piece of her homemade cheesecake which was absolutely fabulous, did I mention that she is an awesome cook too? On a holiday, she thought enough about me to come sit with me and she left her family for that period of time!
We have taken many walks together, cried together, prayed together. God has used her in my life in such a profound way. One of the biggest gifts of love that she ever gave to me was a blanket of many different patterns that she knitted for me. The thread is soft and I have run my fingers over the stitches time and time again. When I am cold or sad, I go for that blanket for I know what a sacrifice of time and work it was that she gave to me. When my dad died, I cried to the Lord that night and said, I feel so alone and He quietly reminded me that He had given Diane to me years before.
Diane is like a grandma to my kids, she is with them on their birthdays. She has gone to eat lunch with them at school and come to our annual Christmas Cookie Parties. She has had tea with Abby and I and was there to see her get her very first horse. Some people say that to be an influence on someone you have to have your act together, to be full of wisdom and knowledge, to have great spiritual insight. Diane didn't even know if she wanted to mentor me, but she had a servant's heart, filled with great love, not only for someone like me, but a greater heart loving Jesus.
If someone in your life has had a profound influence on you, tell them how much you love and appreciate them! I always say, don't wait until the person dies and everyone talks about them in their eulogy. Say what you feel today, for you never know if you or that person has tomorrow!
Do you feel a void in your life and need someone to walk the journey called life with you? Ask God, He will provide for you. Are there people in your life that you could influence? At every stage in life, there is someone that you can be an influence to. If you are a teenager in a sport or at school, there are always younger kids looking up to you, if you are in college, there are always teenagers wishing they could be you, if you are a new mom or dad, there are always newly married men or women who need a mentor, if you have children that are grown, there are always new parents that need a mentor. Are you open to making a difference in someone else's life?
Have you ever longed for a person outside of your family to walk this journey called life with you?
12 years ago, I felt such a void in my life that wouldn't subside. As I grow older, I realize that it takes a community to raise a child. One day my daughter will be grown and realize that her earthly mother had many imperfections. She already knows I have some, I have made it a point to bring it to her attention that I make mistakes and often it takes an I'm Sorry to make things right. However, it could be that she might wake up one day and say, I think I need a mentor, someone who I can talk to that will be objective without judging me or me hurting their feelings.
Years ago, I asked God to bring someone into my life and HE far exceeded my expectations!!! Diane is like a second mother to me, although she is too young to be my mom, she is filled with wisdom beyond her years. I have so many "Dianisms" that I often repeat to my kids as well as other friends. She raised a family and is now raising a grandchild.
Proverbs 31 talks about The Wife of Noble Character. Proverbs talks about bringing her husband no harm, working with her hands, providing food for her family, starting a business, helping the poor, extending her hand to the needy, making coverings for her bed, bringing respect to her husband from outsiders, watching over the affairs of her household and not being idle, fearing the Lord. I can honestly say after all of these years, my dear friend is all of these!
I could fill a book of how she has cared for her family; the most vivid picture being how she sat by her mother's bedside for months off and on, especially the last weeks of her mom's life. She has taken countless meals and visited young moms who were in the hospital or having their babies. My most precious memory was on Thanksgiving Day, 2001. I had to stay in the hospital for 4 days after the birth of Dylan. Paul was most graciously home, preparing Thanksgiving Dinner for my family, with Abby by his side. While my family was having dinner, Diane came up to the hospital and sat by my bedside. She brought me a piece of her homemade cheesecake which was absolutely fabulous, did I mention that she is an awesome cook too? On a holiday, she thought enough about me to come sit with me and she left her family for that period of time!
We have taken many walks together, cried together, prayed together. God has used her in my life in such a profound way. One of the biggest gifts of love that she ever gave to me was a blanket of many different patterns that she knitted for me. The thread is soft and I have run my fingers over the stitches time and time again. When I am cold or sad, I go for that blanket for I know what a sacrifice of time and work it was that she gave to me. When my dad died, I cried to the Lord that night and said, I feel so alone and He quietly reminded me that He had given Diane to me years before.
Diane is like a grandma to my kids, she is with them on their birthdays. She has gone to eat lunch with them at school and come to our annual Christmas Cookie Parties. She has had tea with Abby and I and was there to see her get her very first horse. Some people say that to be an influence on someone you have to have your act together, to be full of wisdom and knowledge, to have great spiritual insight. Diane didn't even know if she wanted to mentor me, but she had a servant's heart, filled with great love, not only for someone like me, but a greater heart loving Jesus.
If someone in your life has had a profound influence on you, tell them how much you love and appreciate them! I always say, don't wait until the person dies and everyone talks about them in their eulogy. Say what you feel today, for you never know if you or that person has tomorrow!
Do you feel a void in your life and need someone to walk the journey called life with you? Ask God, He will provide for you. Are there people in your life that you could influence? At every stage in life, there is someone that you can be an influence to. If you are a teenager in a sport or at school, there are always younger kids looking up to you, if you are in college, there are always teenagers wishing they could be you, if you are a new mom or dad, there are always newly married men or women who need a mentor, if you have children that are grown, there are always new parents that need a mentor. Are you open to making a difference in someone else's life?
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Love Your Spouse As Yourself
February...The LOVE Month
Do you know what God's Two Greatest Commandments were of all times?
Love, the Lord God with all Your Heart, Soul and Mind and Love Your Neighbor as Yourself.
Conditional Love loves a person's behavior or performance more than a person's character. Unconditional love accepts and loves the person for who they are; strengths as well as weaknesses. This kind of love encourages their spouse to become a better person, affirming their value and worth.
Love is a verb, some dictionaries describe it as an emotion or feeling. While it is that, it is more an act of the will, we don't HAVE to love, we choose to love. In marriage, it is a choice to STAY married through the good times as well as the bad times.
I Corinthians 13 describes love better than any quote or article the world has to offer. Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than self. Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. Love doesn't strut, doesn't boast or isn't proud, doesn't force itself on others, isn't always "me first". Love doesn't fly off the handle, keep score of the wrongs committed against us, doesn't revel when others grovel, takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, puts up with anything. Love trusts God always, always looks for the best in others, never looks back, but keeps going to the end. Love never dies.
Wow, that is a long list. It almost seems beyond our reach or our human capabilities. Without following the First Greatest Commandment, I can absolutely guarantee that it will be beyond your human resources.
What are some of the things that people look for in a marriage?
Acceptance - being warmly loved and received without conditions
Connection - being united at an emotional and physical level
Understanding - everyone wants someone to listen, to be heard and understood
Respect - Every man wants to be honored and appreciated
Validation - being able to express your thoughts and opinions without being evaluated or judged
Worth - feeling important to the other person
Honor - feeling like a priceless treasure
Support - being cared for in times of sickness, doubts, tiredness
Approval - being liked for who I am not who you think I should be
Affection - being touched, or words of affirmation
Some of you are living on top of the world and life and love couldn't be better. Celebrate the good times! Enjoy each other's company. Have lots of sex! Enjoy taking trips and being adventurous on dates! Take lots of pictures for others to see how happy you are! Freeze the moments and memories in your mind!
What if things aren't all that you would love them to be though? EVERYONE at some point will be in the valley!!! The only person that you can change is YOU! So many people get married thinking they can change the other person! That is such flawed thinking. As life progresses we ALL change! I have said so many times, "I am not my husband's Holy Spirit". This means if I sit nagging on his shoulder begging him to change, it will only agitate him, it won't spur towards change. The only person that I have the power to change, including my thoughts, my attitudes, and my actions is me!
If you find yourself in a place of discontentment, take the time to focus on all the things that you see in your spouse that you are thankful for. One day I sat down and wrote a list and off the top of my head in 15 minutes came up with a list of 60 character traits, that day wasn't a great one by the way! They were qualities like: loyalty, honesty, adventurous, full of wisdom and common sense, persevering, faithful, responsible, full of integrity, disciplined, a great father, fun, finds the best deals and the list went on and on.
The greatest gift you can give your spouse is to always speak the best about him or her to someone else in their absence as well as in their presence. Always keep a confidence. Don't go to bed angry, resolve your conflicts quickly, don't sweep them under the rug. Forgive 70x7, over and over again, don't bring up past conflicts. Choose your battles wisely, let the others go. Learn to live within your means so that your household is less stressful. Spend time together, go on dates once in awhile, with friends as well as alone. Find a common interest that you can do together. Encourage the other person to do things for themselves like lunch with a friend or going to a game. When you hit a rough spot, find outside support that believes in the sacredness of marriage and working things out. Listen to wise counsel. Say I love you daily and allow your kids to see you showing affection to each other. Do kind deeds for your spouse often. The greatest gift of all is praying for your partner. You can pray for things such as avoiding outside temptations, handling finances well, cultivating strong character qualities, being a good parent, choosing friends wisely, having a balance life, and growing in their faith with God.
So many people today believe that we have the "right to be happy". We are all human and we will not always be happy! God doesn't promise that to anyone. Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas says "Man's view of marriage is that we will maintain our marriage as long as our earthly comforts, desire and expectations are met. God's view of marriage is that we preserve our marriage because it brings glory to God and it points the world to a God of reconciliation.
Are you willing to just settle for just getting by in marriage or do you long for the Abundant Life? What things do you need to change to be a better helpmate? Have both you and your spouse committed to "staying" no matter what circumstances may come along? What kind of legacy do you want to leave your kids, grandkids and generations to come?
Do you know what God's Two Greatest Commandments were of all times?
Love, the Lord God with all Your Heart, Soul and Mind and Love Your Neighbor as Yourself.
Conditional Love loves a person's behavior or performance more than a person's character. Unconditional love accepts and loves the person for who they are; strengths as well as weaknesses. This kind of love encourages their spouse to become a better person, affirming their value and worth.
Love is a verb, some dictionaries describe it as an emotion or feeling. While it is that, it is more an act of the will, we don't HAVE to love, we choose to love. In marriage, it is a choice to STAY married through the good times as well as the bad times.
I Corinthians 13 describes love better than any quote or article the world has to offer. Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than self. Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. Love doesn't strut, doesn't boast or isn't proud, doesn't force itself on others, isn't always "me first". Love doesn't fly off the handle, keep score of the wrongs committed against us, doesn't revel when others grovel, takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, puts up with anything. Love trusts God always, always looks for the best in others, never looks back, but keeps going to the end. Love never dies.
Wow, that is a long list. It almost seems beyond our reach or our human capabilities. Without following the First Greatest Commandment, I can absolutely guarantee that it will be beyond your human resources.
What are some of the things that people look for in a marriage?
Acceptance - being warmly loved and received without conditions
Connection - being united at an emotional and physical level
Understanding - everyone wants someone to listen, to be heard and understood
Respect - Every man wants to be honored and appreciated
Validation - being able to express your thoughts and opinions without being evaluated or judged
Worth - feeling important to the other person
Honor - feeling like a priceless treasure
Support - being cared for in times of sickness, doubts, tiredness
Approval - being liked for who I am not who you think I should be
Affection - being touched, or words of affirmation
Some of you are living on top of the world and life and love couldn't be better. Celebrate the good times! Enjoy each other's company. Have lots of sex! Enjoy taking trips and being adventurous on dates! Take lots of pictures for others to see how happy you are! Freeze the moments and memories in your mind!
What if things aren't all that you would love them to be though? EVERYONE at some point will be in the valley!!! The only person that you can change is YOU! So many people get married thinking they can change the other person! That is such flawed thinking. As life progresses we ALL change! I have said so many times, "I am not my husband's Holy Spirit". This means if I sit nagging on his shoulder begging him to change, it will only agitate him, it won't spur towards change. The only person that I have the power to change, including my thoughts, my attitudes, and my actions is me!
If you find yourself in a place of discontentment, take the time to focus on all the things that you see in your spouse that you are thankful for. One day I sat down and wrote a list and off the top of my head in 15 minutes came up with a list of 60 character traits, that day wasn't a great one by the way! They were qualities like: loyalty, honesty, adventurous, full of wisdom and common sense, persevering, faithful, responsible, full of integrity, disciplined, a great father, fun, finds the best deals and the list went on and on.
The greatest gift you can give your spouse is to always speak the best about him or her to someone else in their absence as well as in their presence. Always keep a confidence. Don't go to bed angry, resolve your conflicts quickly, don't sweep them under the rug. Forgive 70x7, over and over again, don't bring up past conflicts. Choose your battles wisely, let the others go. Learn to live within your means so that your household is less stressful. Spend time together, go on dates once in awhile, with friends as well as alone. Find a common interest that you can do together. Encourage the other person to do things for themselves like lunch with a friend or going to a game. When you hit a rough spot, find outside support that believes in the sacredness of marriage and working things out. Listen to wise counsel. Say I love you daily and allow your kids to see you showing affection to each other. Do kind deeds for your spouse often. The greatest gift of all is praying for your partner. You can pray for things such as avoiding outside temptations, handling finances well, cultivating strong character qualities, being a good parent, choosing friends wisely, having a balance life, and growing in their faith with God.
So many people today believe that we have the "right to be happy". We are all human and we will not always be happy! God doesn't promise that to anyone. Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas says "Man's view of marriage is that we will maintain our marriage as long as our earthly comforts, desire and expectations are met. God's view of marriage is that we preserve our marriage because it brings glory to God and it points the world to a God of reconciliation.
Are you willing to just settle for just getting by in marriage or do you long for the Abundant Life? What things do you need to change to be a better helpmate? Have both you and your spouse committed to "staying" no matter what circumstances may come along? What kind of legacy do you want to leave your kids, grandkids and generations to come?
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Mending Broken Hearts
Dealing with Life's Greatest Disappointments
Consider it pure joy, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perserverance. Perserverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4
When I face disappointments or rejection it is hard. To walk through those things with a child is heart breaking. As a parent there are so many roles that you play; disciplinarian, teacher, coach, mentor, nurse, counselor, comforter. In all those roles, we have knowledge based upon things we have read, heard from others, or our own life experiences. At the end of the day, my human abilities fall short.
I have often thought and prayed that I want my children to have a better life than I did, it is the desire for some parents I think, unfortunately not everyone, but in most parents that are in our world. We don't want our children to suffer, to go through disappointments, rejection or heartache. We want to keep their innocense as long as possible for life only gets harder as they get older. We work, bear children, bury friends and parents, friends and family get divorced, sickness and strife. Everywhere we look there is suffering all around us.
Our daughter Abby has gone through some very disappointing times the past few years facing a lot of things I have described, and even a couple of very trying weeks. As a parent I would rather have these things happen to me then watch my child suffer. I often wonder how much He thinks she can handle. However, when I analyze the verse above, I keep wondering what He has in store for her in the future. I can already see a perseverance in her. I can see that she is more mature than most girls her age, although trust me, she is still a teenager at times. The rest of the verse says though that she will be complete, not lacking anything. That tells me that HE is preparing her for something.
How I wish I could spare her from these experiences. It makes me sad to think that during the day she walks this journey alone. But in reality, is she walking it alone? No, He is with her in the places that we can't be. Although she doesn't always feel His presence there, I know that He is there with her. She is not ours to keep. She is only ours on "loan". In truth, she has been and will always be HIS. I have no control of her life, but He knows the plans HE has for her and all these trials which are monumental to her at the moment are allowed by Him to develop her character.
Tonight through a very tough time of disappointment, I said that the only thing I knew was to ask God for wisdom and to comfort and heal her heart for even my words, hugs or just being there cannot heal her. It is only Jesus that can heal her heart for "By HIS stripes, we are healed!" He came as man so He could share in our sufferings. He knows what rejection of man and trials look like because HE experienced them Himself. We are learning to find things to be thankful for even in the disappointments of life!
Consider it pure joy, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perserverance. Perserverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4
When I face disappointments or rejection it is hard. To walk through those things with a child is heart breaking. As a parent there are so many roles that you play; disciplinarian, teacher, coach, mentor, nurse, counselor, comforter. In all those roles, we have knowledge based upon things we have read, heard from others, or our own life experiences. At the end of the day, my human abilities fall short.
I have often thought and prayed that I want my children to have a better life than I did, it is the desire for some parents I think, unfortunately not everyone, but in most parents that are in our world. We don't want our children to suffer, to go through disappointments, rejection or heartache. We want to keep their innocense as long as possible for life only gets harder as they get older. We work, bear children, bury friends and parents, friends and family get divorced, sickness and strife. Everywhere we look there is suffering all around us.
Our daughter Abby has gone through some very disappointing times the past few years facing a lot of things I have described, and even a couple of very trying weeks. As a parent I would rather have these things happen to me then watch my child suffer. I often wonder how much He thinks she can handle. However, when I analyze the verse above, I keep wondering what He has in store for her in the future. I can already see a perseverance in her. I can see that she is more mature than most girls her age, although trust me, she is still a teenager at times. The rest of the verse says though that she will be complete, not lacking anything. That tells me that HE is preparing her for something.
How I wish I could spare her from these experiences. It makes me sad to think that during the day she walks this journey alone. But in reality, is she walking it alone? No, He is with her in the places that we can't be. Although she doesn't always feel His presence there, I know that He is there with her. She is not ours to keep. She is only ours on "loan". In truth, she has been and will always be HIS. I have no control of her life, but He knows the plans HE has for her and all these trials which are monumental to her at the moment are allowed by Him to develop her character.
Tonight through a very tough time of disappointment, I said that the only thing I knew was to ask God for wisdom and to comfort and heal her heart for even my words, hugs or just being there cannot heal her. It is only Jesus that can heal her heart for "By HIS stripes, we are healed!" He came as man so He could share in our sufferings. He knows what rejection of man and trials look like because HE experienced them Himself. We are learning to find things to be thankful for even in the disappointments of life!
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Cake or Kale?
Lessons from My Skinny Friends
Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, wo is in you, whome you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.
I Corinthians 6:19
Finding "Balance" with food has always been a struggle for me since the day we got married. We joined our first gym when I was 23 in Cleveland Ohio. I have tried all the diets; Weight Watchers, Nutrisystem, Slim Fast, Vitamin B12, Dr. Death as my friends call her; no carbs, sugars or fats, 1200 calories a day, not eating at all. I take off 20, put on 10, back and forth like a yo yo. Simply put, I would much rather have cake than Kale...
It seems like I have trouble multi tasking. I can work on diet but not exercise or exercise not diet. There comes a time in your life when you can't do just one or the other, both are necessary. At first I blame high metabolism on my "skinny" friends wishing I could be just like them instead of being me. Donuts jump from the table to my thighs without even taking a bite, just by looking at them I gain weight.
When I sit back and analyze the habits of my dear thin friends though I see a little more clearly. They have what I and the majority of people don't have, "self control". Self control is the key words for any kind of discipline whether it is finances, diet, exercise, living "right" with God. They eat small portions, eating more fruits and vegetables than chocolate bars and chocolate cupcakes, or one cookie not 6. They eat a 1/2 of a sandwich instead of a sandwich that could feed two people. They work out and choose to include physical exercise in their daily routines...
I have a food scale and notes from previous dietary classes that I have been in. There are numerous blogs and websites for support. I have friends who are trainers and exercise physiologists who could help me lay out a plan and many lo-cal cookbooks. Simply put, my friends have found balance in their lives to do the things they know they should.
There is no excuse for me! I have a gym membership, access to fitness classes, mountains all around me that I could hike on, gorgeous weather that I could take a walk or run nine months out of the year, a great bike in the garage with miles of sidewalk that would take me miles away from my house. We have P90x loaded on two computers that I could exercise with on our big screen tv. It comes down to lack of desire, motivation and discipline. Age is not my friend or yours...It's easy to take it off when you are young, but after kids and many years, not so much!
So what is going to motivate me to get off my lazy butt and watch what goes into my mouth and get me off of the desk chair away from my computer??? My grandparents, that is what!!! How so, you may ask?
If you look at most of the generations before us, they didn't have the tools that we have to make educated choices. They didn't have lo carb, lo calorie, no fat options. Watching our grandparents and now our aging parents frightens me. Their quality of life and how they move is poor because of their weight and lack of physical movement. If I don't make different choices, I will end up in the same place.
Abundant living is self-control, doing the things that I know I should instead of making excuses for myself or just being lazy and doing something else that is easier. The God that I serve is a God of order. He made our bodies to be a certain size, for everyone that is different. Once you go past His limit for us there are consequences; diabetes, joint problems, digestive problems, heart issues.
Do you choose cake over Kale? What are the things you choose in your life to find balance in diet and exercise? What kind of quality of life do you want to have as you age? Do find that you have a lot of aches and pains because you are caring more weight on your body than you should have? How do you honor God with your eating and exercising habits?
Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, wo is in you, whome you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.
I Corinthians 6:19
Finding "Balance" with food has always been a struggle for me since the day we got married. We joined our first gym when I was 23 in Cleveland Ohio. I have tried all the diets; Weight Watchers, Nutrisystem, Slim Fast, Vitamin B12, Dr. Death as my friends call her; no carbs, sugars or fats, 1200 calories a day, not eating at all. I take off 20, put on 10, back and forth like a yo yo. Simply put, I would much rather have cake than Kale...
It seems like I have trouble multi tasking. I can work on diet but not exercise or exercise not diet. There comes a time in your life when you can't do just one or the other, both are necessary. At first I blame high metabolism on my "skinny" friends wishing I could be just like them instead of being me. Donuts jump from the table to my thighs without even taking a bite, just by looking at them I gain weight.
When I sit back and analyze the habits of my dear thin friends though I see a little more clearly. They have what I and the majority of people don't have, "self control". Self control is the key words for any kind of discipline whether it is finances, diet, exercise, living "right" with God. They eat small portions, eating more fruits and vegetables than chocolate bars and chocolate cupcakes, or one cookie not 6. They eat a 1/2 of a sandwich instead of a sandwich that could feed two people. They work out and choose to include physical exercise in their daily routines...
I have a food scale and notes from previous dietary classes that I have been in. There are numerous blogs and websites for support. I have friends who are trainers and exercise physiologists who could help me lay out a plan and many lo-cal cookbooks. Simply put, my friends have found balance in their lives to do the things they know they should.
There is no excuse for me! I have a gym membership, access to fitness classes, mountains all around me that I could hike on, gorgeous weather that I could take a walk or run nine months out of the year, a great bike in the garage with miles of sidewalk that would take me miles away from my house. We have P90x loaded on two computers that I could exercise with on our big screen tv. It comes down to lack of desire, motivation and discipline. Age is not my friend or yours...It's easy to take it off when you are young, but after kids and many years, not so much!
So what is going to motivate me to get off my lazy butt and watch what goes into my mouth and get me off of the desk chair away from my computer??? My grandparents, that is what!!! How so, you may ask?
If you look at most of the generations before us, they didn't have the tools that we have to make educated choices. They didn't have lo carb, lo calorie, no fat options. Watching our grandparents and now our aging parents frightens me. Their quality of life and how they move is poor because of their weight and lack of physical movement. If I don't make different choices, I will end up in the same place.
Abundant living is self-control, doing the things that I know I should instead of making excuses for myself or just being lazy and doing something else that is easier. The God that I serve is a God of order. He made our bodies to be a certain size, for everyone that is different. Once you go past His limit for us there are consequences; diabetes, joint problems, digestive problems, heart issues.
Do you choose cake over Kale? What are the things you choose in your life to find balance in diet and exercise? What kind of quality of life do you want to have as you age? Do find that you have a lot of aches and pains because you are caring more weight on your body than you should have? How do you honor God with your eating and exercising habits?
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