A soft answer turns away wrath! Proverbs 15:1
Several weeks back, I was out and about with my daughter. As I usually do, I started making light conversation with one of my daughter's friends. All of a sudden her mom came storming in like thunder just yelling at me. She accused me of several things. Her rant went on for several minutes.
I have to admit, I have been known to stick my foot in my mouth or say the wrong thing at the wrong time. This time, my motives were pure, my words full of grace. It was like I was struck by lightening without just cause! It took me hours to unreal from the lashing that I took without justification, all for the sake of just being friendly. My first reaction was utter shock, I humbly apologized with only great vengeance in return. The most shocking thing about the episode was that this woman in the past has made great effort to acknowledge that she is a Christian. I won't go there except to say that at that very moment, I wasn't quite feeling the quiet gentle voice of the Savior, I was feeling the wrath and the accusatory voice of you know who! My second wave of emotion was really? I was feeling a little annoyed, Ok it wasn't just a little. I kept replaying the video in my head how insanely she had reacted.
Finally I stepped back from the situation and tried to analyze the cause behind the rant. Was she in midlife crisis? Was there an explosion in her home that morning and I was the closest whipping post? Had bitterness built up in her about the opinions from others and I was the tip of the iceberg? I had hoped that her daughter was out of ear shot from the whole ugly scene. I know if it were mine she would be highly embarrased. I didn't wish that on her sweet daughter who knew the intentions of our conversation. Many days later her daughter called mine to apologize for the behavior of her mom. It made me feel badly for her.
As I walked through my day, I decided to take a different course, one that I sadly don't take very often. In the quietness of my car, I bowed my head. I asked the Lord to be with her that day. I asked God's blessing on her in the midst of her own inner turmoil. I wish that was always my first response. I have to be honest and admit that I don't always take the high road, and furthermore, it wasn't my first response. I made a comment first to a couple of people close to me how I had been unjustly slighted. I wish I would have bowed my head first. It is amazing what happened to me when I prayed for her. It was like He took a burden off my shoulders that I didn't have to carry.
I can't say that I will be the first to jump in her path. I haven't seen her since. Actually after you are bitten, you don't quite want to walk down the same road again. I'm not sure what all the lessons were from that experience, but thankfully God brought to mind that a soft answer turns away wrath and to pray for your enemies. One of our former pastors used to say that true character comes out when we are bumped. Thankfully He doesn't allow me to be bumped like that too often, oh maybe I shouldn't have said that too loud. I guess when we aren't looking the lightening can come at any unexpected moment! How I respond is up to me!
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Monday, April 22, 2013
Ah Ha Moment
My mood was somber as I visited my grandfather today. I witnessed a smile but there were no words. He experienced another major stroke over the weekend. I think he has no words left yet he knew who I was and he knew my voice. My stay was short and sweet, with him!
I left and had a long heart to heart conversation with his caretaker. It was then that God answered some of the questions that I have been asking for months, why God are you leaving grandpa here? Why does he lay bed ridden? Why haven't you taken him home when he has been a faithful servant all of his life? It seems like he has fulfilled his purpose here, why does he continue to have to suffer?
I think many of us are afraid of asking God questions? Not me. I see my relationship with Jesus as if my kids were talking to me. Sometimes it is weeks, months, years before I receive an answer. Today He gave me some answers through the caretaker and it has changed my outlook on my grandfather's final days.
Society seems to think that as we age, we serve little purpose. Care centers are popping up faster than any other commercial buildings nationwide to care for those who are aging. Many elderly are stuck in homes to waste away. Some families choose to stay away for whatever their reasons may be. Over the years I have come to appreciate those who are aging. They are treasure boxes full of wisdom and experience that is tucked away in complexes, homes. The aged once had their youth, successful careers, travelling the world, productive members of society.
Grandpa has had nothing but time on his hands for years. He used to sit and wait for the infrequent family visitors, telling stories of how God saved his life on numerous occasions, his time serving in the World War in the Philippines, how his mother missed the Titanic, how he just missed a store's explosion by just 5 minutes. Again and again he told of how God had saved him, restored his soul, singing God's praises for transforming his life. He didn't just tell us the stories of God's faithfulness, he also told the stories to the people in the hospitals, the rehabilitation centers and now the group home where he will breathe his final breath.
It was no coincidence that grandpa landed up in the home where he now resides. Grandpa was raised in the Greek Orthodox Church, so were his caretakers. Again and again grandpa has been talking about the Gospel message, Jesus loves us so much, he died, was buried and after 3 days rose from the dead. The caretaker shared about all of their conversations in the house and that grandpa has brushed death numerous times.
Her last story though struck me the most. The path of my dying grandma who has been gone for a year and a half is very similar to my grandfather's which they find very intriguing. For six weeks my grandma called out Please God...My grandpa a couple of weeks ago when asked by the nurse if he was in pain said that he is carrying the pain and burdens of many that he loves. She said that it seems like they are interceding in prayer for his family. It made me think that all of this time, in the moments of quietness and silence, that as parents and grandparents they have spent much of their time in prayer for those that they love, in other words they are interceding for us on our behalf. While the outside world believes that they have seen better days, in their final moments, before they breathe their last breath, they know all the hardships and broken relationships and suffering that their family members and friends are enduring and yet, they are able to give one of the most precious gifts a person can possibly give, prayer. She said she can see that he is still struggling to live, however when he has finished interceding he will give up the fight.
My final thoughts to this are do I love enough to pray for those who hurt me? Do I pray for those who struggle to survive? Do I love enough to pray for those in my family who are lost? Do I love enough to judge less and pray more? Do I love to the point where I will look the other way in other's weaknesses and find joy in their strengths? Do I love enough to intercede in my moments of pain and struggle? Do I trust enough to ask for strength to walk through the trials in life? Am I willing to put myself on the line to share the love of Jesus even in worst days? Am I willing to humble myself to ask for help when I can't make it through a dark day? Am I willing to push aside my feelings to intercede for those who have turned their backs on me? These are all questions I will continue to ponder. If grandpa could do all these things in his final days, I have part of him in me...
I left and had a long heart to heart conversation with his caretaker. It was then that God answered some of the questions that I have been asking for months, why God are you leaving grandpa here? Why does he lay bed ridden? Why haven't you taken him home when he has been a faithful servant all of his life? It seems like he has fulfilled his purpose here, why does he continue to have to suffer?
I think many of us are afraid of asking God questions? Not me. I see my relationship with Jesus as if my kids were talking to me. Sometimes it is weeks, months, years before I receive an answer. Today He gave me some answers through the caretaker and it has changed my outlook on my grandfather's final days.
Society seems to think that as we age, we serve little purpose. Care centers are popping up faster than any other commercial buildings nationwide to care for those who are aging. Many elderly are stuck in homes to waste away. Some families choose to stay away for whatever their reasons may be. Over the years I have come to appreciate those who are aging. They are treasure boxes full of wisdom and experience that is tucked away in complexes, homes. The aged once had their youth, successful careers, travelling the world, productive members of society.
Grandpa has had nothing but time on his hands for years. He used to sit and wait for the infrequent family visitors, telling stories of how God saved his life on numerous occasions, his time serving in the World War in the Philippines, how his mother missed the Titanic, how he just missed a store's explosion by just 5 minutes. Again and again he told of how God had saved him, restored his soul, singing God's praises for transforming his life. He didn't just tell us the stories of God's faithfulness, he also told the stories to the people in the hospitals, the rehabilitation centers and now the group home where he will breathe his final breath.
It was no coincidence that grandpa landed up in the home where he now resides. Grandpa was raised in the Greek Orthodox Church, so were his caretakers. Again and again grandpa has been talking about the Gospel message, Jesus loves us so much, he died, was buried and after 3 days rose from the dead. The caretaker shared about all of their conversations in the house and that grandpa has brushed death numerous times.
The prayers of a righteous man are powerful and effective. James 5:16
Her last story though struck me the most. The path of my dying grandma who has been gone for a year and a half is very similar to my grandfather's which they find very intriguing. For six weeks my grandma called out Please God...My grandpa a couple of weeks ago when asked by the nurse if he was in pain said that he is carrying the pain and burdens of many that he loves. She said that it seems like they are interceding in prayer for his family. It made me think that all of this time, in the moments of quietness and silence, that as parents and grandparents they have spent much of their time in prayer for those that they love, in other words they are interceding for us on our behalf. While the outside world believes that they have seen better days, in their final moments, before they breathe their last breath, they know all the hardships and broken relationships and suffering that their family members and friends are enduring and yet, they are able to give one of the most precious gifts a person can possibly give, prayer. She said she can see that he is still struggling to live, however when he has finished interceding he will give up the fight.
My final thoughts to this are do I love enough to pray for those who hurt me? Do I pray for those who struggle to survive? Do I love enough to pray for those in my family who are lost? Do I love enough to judge less and pray more? Do I love to the point where I will look the other way in other's weaknesses and find joy in their strengths? Do I love enough to intercede in my moments of pain and struggle? Do I trust enough to ask for strength to walk through the trials in life? Am I willing to put myself on the line to share the love of Jesus even in worst days? Am I willing to humble myself to ask for help when I can't make it through a dark day? Am I willing to push aside my feelings to intercede for those who have turned their backs on me? These are all questions I will continue to ponder. If grandpa could do all these things in his final days, I have part of him in me...
Sunday, April 21, 2013
Ebb of Silence
It's been a long time since I have posted. I don't believe in just rambling without a purpose or meaning. Words should be used sparingly. I write on the eve of my next visit, my last with my dying grandfather held few words. A few weeks ago I tried to wake him up for over a half hour to no avail. This last visit held no expectations. To my sweet surprise and God's mercy, he was awake for 90 minutes. I held his hand, rubbed his arm and watched his eyes. I sang him my favorite praise songs without end.
There weren't many words to say. Over the years we've said a lot. My grandfather, I joke has 10 lives and has lived a year and half without his wife of 70 years. He has endured more strokes than I can count. He took the place of my dad in my dad's untimely passing. We have shared almost every holiday together, and every birthday that I can remember. Without a word being said, I feel the warm love in his arms and even in the emptiness in his eyes, I can feel the warmth of love in his eyes towards me.
Soon he will be gone. I guess when you love someone so deeply and you see that they have fulfilled their purpose here, you are willing to let them go. He is only here in mind, he is bed ridden, not much movement almost without a voice. I was blessed enough to hear the words whispered as I have heard all my life, I love you with all of my heart.
God has used my grandpa to be a heavenly example of how my heavenly father feels about me. I can only imagine, His warm embrace and seeing the warmth in His eyes when one day I will be in His presence. It is truly a gift to feel that unconditional love from a human being here on earth. As our days are numbered, even just only a few more minutes I will share with grandpa on this side, how grateful I am to have had such a loving, gentle man have so much impact on my life and to have spent so many precious days and memories.
Grandpa inspires me to embrace others with that same kind of gentle spirit and warmth. While I don't always live it as well as grandpa did, I hope that some day the same will be said about me.
There weren't many words to say. Over the years we've said a lot. My grandfather, I joke has 10 lives and has lived a year and half without his wife of 70 years. He has endured more strokes than I can count. He took the place of my dad in my dad's untimely passing. We have shared almost every holiday together, and every birthday that I can remember. Without a word being said, I feel the warm love in his arms and even in the emptiness in his eyes, I can feel the warmth of love in his eyes towards me.
Soon he will be gone. I guess when you love someone so deeply and you see that they have fulfilled their purpose here, you are willing to let them go. He is only here in mind, he is bed ridden, not much movement almost without a voice. I was blessed enough to hear the words whispered as I have heard all my life, I love you with all of my heart.
God has used my grandpa to be a heavenly example of how my heavenly father feels about me. I can only imagine, His warm embrace and seeing the warmth in His eyes when one day I will be in His presence. It is truly a gift to feel that unconditional love from a human being here on earth. As our days are numbered, even just only a few more minutes I will share with grandpa on this side, how grateful I am to have had such a loving, gentle man have so much impact on my life and to have spent so many precious days and memories.
Grandpa inspires me to embrace others with that same kind of gentle spirit and warmth. While I don't always live it as well as grandpa did, I hope that some day the same will be said about me.
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