I've been asked to write my story. It is a long, personal journey so hear it is...
In reflecting over my struggle with food, I guess it dates back to my childhood. I never really thought about it but it is a struggle, raising a family on a pastor's salary. Groceries were one way my parents could save. I'm not saying that we ever went hungry, but we ate what was the cheapest; canned fruits and vegetables, some organ meats, processed lunch meats, lots of pasta and processed foods. I remember throwing many sandwiches away and passing much food down to my best friend Zak under the table when no one was looking. I had the distinct advantage over my brother to discard of my unwanted morsels, while my brother wasn't so cunning. I remember him sitting at the table for hours chewing the same piece of meat while I moved on to something else. We had meals of the week that were my favorite, however I learned to exist on my dad's treasured sweets of Little Debbies, donuts or ice cream after dinner. I was thin growing up, because I didn't eat much. My parents and the generations before had little education about healthy eating so we ate a unhealthy balance of sugar and carbs.
Through college, I learned to handle my relationships, stress and college by lack of eating. Again I dropped down to my lowest weight until I found a happier place and transferred to another college returning to a normal weight and a more balanced approach to eating.
After college, I found the love of cooking and after I got married, I cooked and baked until was my heart was content. Again, when the stress of work and commutes took over, I found comfort in a trip to the bakery until I found myself at a very heavy weight. I joined weight watchers with a dear friend of mine, joined the gym and then shaved off the 20 lbs that I had put on. I maintained my weight until the kids started coming along. After about 2 or 3 years, I didn't like the weight that I had accumulated so I went back to Weight Watchers and lost 25 lbs. this time. After my son, in 2009 I had put on many lbs. so I decided to go to a doctor and I lost a stunning 40 lbs. I kept the weight off for a year and a half. In the past 5 years, I could not lose more than one pound to save my soul. I was tested for hormones, thyroid, went to the gym with NO RETURNS for anything that I tried. I guess I just kind of gave up. I heard from magazines and others that I lacked motivation, will power, self discipline, etc. When I had gone to weight loss places in the past I was overcome with guilt and shame and felt as if I had been judged and in then end had a mind set that soon I would do the same all over again.
This past summer, I watched my daughter Abby do an inspiring thing. She was diagnosed with wheat and allergies. She decided on her own that she was tired of her stomach aches, migranes and how she looked to go off of all breads, pastas, rice. On her own she started eating meats, vegetables and fruits only. Within 4 months, she lost 20 lbs. I couldn't have been more proud!
Over the past two years, I started displaying the same symptoms as she did, although I never went through food allergy testing. Over time I started to get really sick. I had no energy or zest for life. Every time I would eat, I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. I had migraines more than four times a week. My joints hurt, especially my knees and my hip. I was always out of breath when we would hike or walk for a long time. To be honest, I felt like I was 100 years old. When I was happy we would celebrate with a fruit croissant. When we were sad, we would go to our favorite cake or ice cream shop. Going to the pantry was my solace when I was tired, depressed or just unhappy with my life.
Maintenance was always my weak link. Now looking back over the years, I can see that eating was just a symptom to a greater problem, my emotional baggage that had occurred over the years. Often we go to the doctor and we are just treated for the symptoms but the root cause is never discovered. Lack of eating or overeating is how many of us deal with life. It isn't until we heal from the inside out that we can come to terms with the fact that food is our solace. I started reading what we eat and what is put into our food on Foodbabe.com. It peaked my interest about all the chemicals in the processed foods we eat. Over the years, I have come to terms with my life past and present. I have accepted responsibility for the mistakes I have made, I have come to terms with the things I cannot change and have forgiven many for offenses and hurts that have taken place in my life. I decided that I would work on this one area in my life that I felt had been out of control and was going to make a change in order to become physically healthy once again.
In October of last year, I made up my mind that I was going to seek outside help after watching a friend of mine transform before my very eyes. I went to a clinic here in Scottsdale called New Results. They told me many things I had heard in times past but they said it in a way that finally clicked in my head. The difference in their approach is that it is not as restrictive and that I wasn't eating nearly the amount of protein that my body needed. To date I have gone through Halloween, birthdays, Christmas, Valentines and a 10 day trip out of the country and am still on the plan and have lost almost 25 lbs. I am only five pounds away from my goal to lose 30 before Abby graduates. I feel 100 percent better. My stomach pains are gone, my migraines have subsided and my joints are so much better. It used to be about how I looked, this time it was about becoming healthy once again.
How do I do it you might ask? By eating meats, nuts (almonds and limited cashews), green veggies and berries ( a couple times a week), protein shakes, protein bars with less than 3 grams sugar. We elminated white flour, white sugar and all process foods. Occassionally we will eat brown rice or other healthy grains or an occasional treat and we started working out at least three times a week. The staff at New Results have been so caring and supportive and have truly been instrumental in my success of this new lifestyle. Did you notice I said "Lifestyle", not diet. I know that if I return to a diet full of carbs, I will become sick once again. It has been five months now and it has only become easier over time. I can't say that I don't battle at times when I stand in front of the bakery case at my favorite place to get Iced Tea, but how I feel when I eat it wins out in my mind over the moment of pleasure that I may feel. I also learned that a bite or two of a dessert can satisfy better than a whole piece or bowl. I also learned from my prior training that it is better to drive to something that I may be craving then to keep it in my pantry or refrigerator where I can return to it again and again. It is better to send it to the trash then consume it...
I have to say that I have seen in my lifetime that God has created me to be a certain weight. When I go past His will for me, I start to have problems. I've been telling my kids that when you are young, you can abuse your body, but the impact that of the choices you make in your youth, will greatly impact your quality of life as you age.
I'm not fooling myself to think that my struggle is over or that you entirely conquer your demons. I truly think it has been and will continue to be a lifelong struggle. However, for the first time in my life, I have the education, the tools and the support to become healthy once again and stay this way. We never have to stay a victim of our past. We have the choice to seek guidance, when the struggle is above us, and the willingness and want is there to become different.
Lastly, I would be negligent if I didn't give God the glory for helping me overcome each obstacle along the way. Each time I would come to a plateau or time of temptation, I would call upon Him and ask for His help. I promised to give Him the glory when it was time. While I am not at the end of this chapter, I hope that my story will give others Hope; hope to seek help, hope to face their struggle and hope that with hard work and the willingness to start in a new direction that health is not out of reach!
