Anticipating 2012

2011 is almost over. My quest for the answer of what abundant living is will continue on in the years to come. However, I learned many lessons about choosing joy in all circumstances throughout this past year. I felt like I had passed the test in November when my grandmother went heaven-bound and I felt sheer joy when she crossed to the other side. Inspite of my loss, I chose joy. Time and time again when life didn't go as I had planned I chose joy. Joy some would define as happiness. For me it held a deeper meaning beyond an emotion. It was an inner peace, an utter confidence believing that God is in control, that nothing that happens to me is beyond His knowledge or outside of His plan for my life. In the trials, tests and utter annoyances He uses everything to shape me to become more like Him.

Each year I ask Him to show me what character trait He wants me to work on in the year to come. Two years ago it was humility, last year it was the abundant life. For the past month I have felt like part of my quest will be that my words will be seasoned with grace until last night. The words leapt off of the page and I knew in my spirit that the year would hold an even deeper challenge...

Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in your truth; GIVE ME AN UNDIVIDED HEART, that I may fear your name. Psalm 86:11

There are so many things that pull our heart away from God, so many priorties and tasks that we are responsible for on a daily basis. So many of us have jobs, spouses, kids, families, work and sports. We are pulled in so many different directions. When the world goes upside down where do you go? Do you spend time in the Word or prayer? Or do you have your other vices to cope?

There are so many parts to Psalm 86...Teach me your Way/ I will walk in Your truth / Give me an undivided heart / I may fear Your name.

It looks like I will have many lessons to learn this year in what causes me to have an undivided heart. What is Your way? What is Your truth? Where is my heart not fully trusting and leaning on God? Who is God and how do I fear and respect Him? One thing I know, He is going to rock me out of my comfort zone and put me in places where I am tested.

If you are up for a challenge, ask God to give you an area in your character that He wants to transform.

One thing I guarantee, your life will never be the same. I anticipate that God is going to challenge me and fulfill His purpose through me to further His kingdom and His will both in my life and the lives around me if I will just trust Him with an undivided heart.

Here's to you and 2012! Happy New Year!

Lessons from My Back Seat Driver

Walk What You Talk is my motto. I am called into accountability so many times for this motto. It happened over the weekend. Paul and I have had this fun thing over the years when we are driving separate cars. We usually meet up at some stop light and try to see who can be the first one to get home. Some wonder where our daughter gets her silent want to win from. She comes by it naturally...

We got to the last light and Paul rolled down his window and was trying to talk to me. I couldn't hear what he was saying very well, but much to my chagrin he is trying to tell me that our friends are in front of him. The light turns green and I "clear my tail pipe out" as Dylan so often says. I love the sound of my engine, it's the sweet sound of victory. I feel so proud, until I hear the phone ring. It is the sound of my infinitely confident husband delivering a message to me that I have indeed won the contest. However, my losing opponent is our dear friends. The entire family is in the car behind me staring at my license plate screaming that we attend the same school as their daughter.

All night I see the finger of my daughter waving at me in glaring shame and I hear the voice from the back seat of my car, so proud of his mama's victory. It then dawns on me, as I am restless trying to fall asleep that in less than a year I will have a driving daughter. I will see her friends pulling in and out of our subdivision. How can I ask my daughter not to do the things that she has witnessed me do behind the wheel of the car where she is sitting in the back seat? All of us parents are deemed guilty by our offsprings. We ask them to restrain from doing certain things, or talking a certain way or asking them to do things that they don't see us doing. It is very true that our actions speak louder than words. Do what I say, not as I do. Unfortunately, our kids watch our every deed and hear all of our words. There is no fooling them. If we are not careful, they will grow up and follow in our footsteps.

So looking back on that cool Saturday night, I sadly hung up my racing jacket in hopes that in the next year, I will be a better role model for the next generation of drivers and will teach my kids that winning is not a sweet endeavor if you are putting someone you love in jeopardy, whether it is in our own car, or someone sitting next to us.

 Are we living a life worthy of someone else repeating? That is the question I daily ask myself.

Get a life!

When you are content to simply be yourself and don't compare or compete, everybody will respect you.
Lao Tzu

We spend our entire lives comparing ourselves to someone else. It starts when we are little. That boy is taller than I am and he can run so much faster. My friend has long straight hair, I wish I didn't have curly hair and freckles. That girl has perfect handwriting and is the teacher's pet, I wish I could be as popular as her. That boy has 10 pairs of basketball shoes and is the coach's favorite player, he never has to sit the bench.

When we start our first career, we compare ourselves in the workplace. That woman always get the best projects and I have to do the tasks that no one else wants to do. That man is paid a higher salary than I am and I've been working here longer. I wish we could have our neighbors' car. It is so fast and sleek. We are tired of living in an apartment. If only we could live in that big house on the mountain with all that land. My friend dresses with so much elegance, if only I had her style. I wish we could have as many catored parties as our neighbors do.

And then, we have kids. From the very first moment, moms and dads are comparing their kids. My child starting rolling over at two months. My child's first tooth came in at three months. Our son is so smart he started speaking at his first birthday party. What preschool do you think we should enroll our two year old? We've been reading to him since he was in his mamma's womb? We are going to test our five year old to go into the gifted program. We are certain she will be the smartest one in her class.

Our middle schooler is so popular. She is playing soccer on the competitive league. I know that the scouts are going to start watching her soon. She is also in National Honor Society Club and in voluteer organizations after school. Our son is going to make quarterback on the varsity team as a freshman I just know it...

It is in our nature to look at the lives of others, how they dress, where they live, how their children behave or don't behave. Why do we do this as a society? If we have our eyes fixed on someone else, then we don't have to reflect on who we are as individuals. My focus should be on how I can become a person of character, or pursue my goals and ambitions or how I can serve others. My talents, gifts and where I am in life will always be different than what my friend has been given. I have imperfections in one area, yet strengths in others that someone else might not have. My children are different than the kids next door. Everyone person has different personalities with different parents whose parenting styles are unique.  God wants us to embrace our differences and understand that we are all created as one of a kind for a specific purpose.

The sooner that we realize how we need have an attitude of gratitude, as my son says, for what and who we have been given, the more joy we will experience and we will stop wishing to live in someone else's shoes or wear shoes just like theirs!

Don't Tempt Me

There have been so many tv shows, cartoons and things said about having the devil on your shoulder or the good angel and the bad angel trying to get you to do the wrong thing or the right thing. Do you think any of these things really exist???

God has placed within us, since we were small children a conscience. We know right from wrong, the question is who are we going to listen to. Satan is real. He is in a constant battle with God for our souls. He disguises himself as an angel of light, however everything he does and is represents darkness. Everything he wants you to get involved in looks like fun, full of pleasure, giving you satisfaction but it is all just temporary. In the end, you are hooked, addicted, making you feel guilt and shame and it brings you far away from God.

How does he hook us? Temptations...It's plain and simple. In Matthew Chapter 4 we read the account of when Jesus started his ministry He himself was tempted three times. Jesus had been in the desert for 40 days. He was hungry and tired. Satan told him to turn stones into bread. Could he have done that? Yes, Jesus was God. He was asking him to use His power as a human. I think Satan was creating doubt in Jesus' mind, will God truly provide for my needs? Jesus' response was "Man does not live by bread alone but on every word from the mouth of God."

The second temptation was "Throw yourself off the mountain if you are God and the angels will save you?" Jesus' response was "Do not put the Lord your God to the test!" Satan was daring God to rescue Jesus. What was the purpose in this one you might ask? Will God protect you and save you?

The third tempation was "If you will bow down to me I will give you all of the Kingdoms on earth to you." Are you kidding me? Who created the earth in the first place? Were the kingdoms on earth his to give away? Jesus' response was my favorite. He said, "Away from me Satan, worship the Lord your God, and serve Him only." This verse is also a mirror of Deuteronomy 6:16, which says, Fear the Lord your God, serve Him only.

Do you see how ludicrous Satan is with Jesus? He is planting doubts, offering the world to Him when He truly full of smoke and mirrors. He is truly the author of all lies. What did he say to Adam and Eve when they wanted to eat off of the Tree of Good and Evil, "You will be like God, if you eat this."He is offering man what he has no power to give. In every one of his lies, there is no power or authority.

Jesus took on human form so he would understand what it was like to be human. He experienced being tired and hungry, stressed and overwhelmed from daily life. Satan doesn't tempt us to make wrong choices when we are well rested, full of joy and surrounded by other people who love Jesus. He gets to us when we are alone and worn down.

We have a choice to make concerning who we will listen to when we are making choices for our lives. You can't sit on the fence. We all have a choice to listen to the voices sitting upon our shoulders. Which one do you listen to? The voice that brings life, or the voice that will bring you into destruction? The next time you are caught at a crossroad, remember Jesus' words, "Away from me Satan, worship the Lord your God and serve Him only." He will flee if you remember the words of Jesus!

You choose!

Bad Apples

Have you ever stopped to think who is in your family tree? Every family seems to have "the perfect one", "the favored one", the "black sheep". Do you have these kinds of people in your family lineage? Which kind of person would you label yourself?

I have read through the lineage of Jesus several times. Usually it is a quick scan, when I say quick, I  mean at a frightening pace, until just recently. In studying the book of Matthew with a few of my friends, I realized that the geneology or family tree of Jesus wasn't just a list of people that I didn't know. Actually his family tree includes 46 people whose life times span 2000 years. The people that God chose to be in His family tree is quite revealing. Some interesting characters are:

Heroes of the Faith: Abraham, Isaac, and Ruth. Ruth was a stranger or foreigner from another land.
Ordinary People like: Hezron, Ram, Nashon and Akim. Have you ever heard of them? Me neither.
Evil Kings: Manasseh and Abijah
Women of Less than Desirable Pass Times: Rahab a Caananite and prostitute and Tamar.

Why do I find this interesting? When you think of Jesus' grandparents, great grandparents, great great grandparents, I would picture them being Godly, full of love and grace having committed very few mistakes, for they are the ones that would someday produce God's Son, Jesus.

In reality, God used all kinds of people to bring Jesus here to earth. He used some pretty bad apples. God's history is not limited by our human failures and our ability to be sinful. He used EVERYONE, good and bad to accomplish His will in bringing Jesus to earth as a human baby. Jesus was conceived through a virgin, Mary because Jesus had to be free from sinful nature that passed down through his family tree, beginning with the very first sinners, Adam and Eve.

What is my point? God uses even the worst of sinners, to fulfill His plan. He is a God of love, grace and redemption. There is nothing that man can do to thwart His plans. This is an important message because so many families are going to gather together for two imporant holidays coming up; Thanksgiving and Christmas. These holidays can bring joy and sometimes frustration and pain.

Sometimes God places bad apples in our family lineage to bring out the worst in us for a purpose. Often He uses people in our families to refine us, to bring our weaknesses to the surface so He can purify us to be more like Him. He also uses them to teach us that sometimes the ones closest to us can teach us the true meaning of Love Your Neighbor as yourself. The next time you want to remove the bad apples from your family gatherings remember that God has put them in your path for a divine reason. The question we should ask God is, What are you trying to teach me? Please teach me to Love My Neighbor as myself...

Hi Dear

It's what my sweet grandma would say to me as I walked into the room the last months of her life. She knew I some how belonged to her but she couldn't place my name or why I belonged to her because she had battled with Dementia for the past six years of her life. How blessed we were that it had been only four or five months when she didn't remember us by name. We would sit by her side going over photo albums with her of her family so she wouldn't forget us.

We watched her slowly slip away, her eyes became glazed over, her face drawn until she became bed ridden in her last few weeks, and then she was in a medicated coma. It has been almost two weeks now since she slowly slipped away. Her service was nice and everyone talked about memories that they had shared. I didn't speak, there were no words. I sat in silence, looking out over the desert thinking about how many times I had sat by her side and how much I would miss her.

Sometimes we didn't say much. She loved to do word searches. So do I. I would find all of the words that she couldn't find. I haven't talked really much about her until now. I learned when my father died that I can turn the emotions off and turn them back on at a later date.

I'm not sure which is worse, losing someone instantly without notice like my dad, or watching someone suffer slowly, grieving over them each day, every visit, with each last belabored breath slowly watching them fade away, until it is like they are there in body only and their spirit is already gone. Death is cruel either way you choose it. I'm not sure if is the process of death and all that it entails that is worse or people rehashing old grievances, splitting assets, and planning funerals. I think death tends to bring out the worst in families. Some people get hung up on things; who should get what. Frankly, all of that tends to make me cringe.

The worst part of death for me is the void that you feel from the relationship existing no more. If you know that person and you love them for who they are, you feel a separation. My grandparents have been with us for almost every holiday since 1994. My kids looked forward to having them over. How blessed my kids were to be raised with great grandparents watching them open their birthday presents and seeing their Easter baskets and watching them play with their Christmas presents. They heard grandpa's prayers before each meal and heard him read the Christmas Story many times before they opened their presents. They sat with GG grammy watching tv and playing Scrabble with her, it was her and my favorite game. I grew up playing games with her when we would go on vacations to the cabin in the Upper Penisula as a child. I helped her wash dishes after meals in her tiny kitchen in Michigan. I even lived with her one summer while I was in high school. We would sit on the porch in the summers and eat watermelon until the mosquitos would run us in the house.

My grandma wasn't a touchy feely kind of person, but she knew how to show me love. She always listened to me without judging me and never said an unkind word about anyone even when she was treated unfairly. She was one of three people who taught me what it is to love someone unconditionally! My life will never be the same now that she is gone, my grandpa's life will not be the same either. They were married 72 years and he is still here with us at 92. I pray that his days are numbered. It is so lonely for him to be here without her.

I'm really kind of envious that she reached the pearly gates first, although she paid her dues here at 91, she did all she could with us. She was a true Proverbs 31 women and she brought honor to my grandfather all of her days, she raised her children well; basically living her entire existence for her family. She spent her life here as a servant; cleaning, cooking, serving at funerals and church dinners, feeding strangers and those in the ministry. She truly had the gift of hospitality, all without complaint. I never heard her ask for more, bigger or better of anything. She was a true woman of contentment and thanksgiving for all that she had. In reflecting her life, I find that I can do so much better in so many areas of my life. Although she never had fame or fortune, she was truly simple in all that she was and all that she did. She exemplified Gods two greatest commandments: Love God and Love your neighbor as Yourself.

Grandma, please wait for me. I am looking forward to the day when you will meet me outside the gates and I hear your voice, "Hi Dear. I'm so glad you are home!"

Walking a Tight Rope

It's been a long time since I blogged last...

Life tends to take us on many different journeys. My days have been filled with work; being a wife and a mother and often I feel like I'm torn between many worlds. I always want to do all things well and sometimes I feel like I'm not doing anything well.

I have so much joy doing so many things. I have been told many times recently that I have ADD. I think I happen to agree although it didn't appear as much when I was growing up. I was a great student and had excellent focus in my musical studies.

Now I find that I consistently do random things, having random thoughts and often I am speaking, driving and eating at a glacial pace. I forget where I put my keys, my sunglasses, my purse, my cell phone. Sometimes I have to run back into the house three or four times before I drive away. In my moments of scatteredness, I have learned to breath a word of prayer asking God for his help.

Sometimes I think my days are numbered and I want to fit everything in. I used to plan on what was going to happen in the next weeks and months ahead. Now my days are so full, I am forced to live just one day at a time. I think God likes us to live that way, living in the moment....Planning and preparation is good and necessary for many things. But I am learning that because I can only live one day at a time, I have to rely on Him more for the smallest of details. When it seems impossible to accomplish one more thing, He seems to clear the way for me! A couple of years ago I had a full year when I was not very busy. The kids were in school full time, I didn't have much work, and I had really no ministries that I was a part of. That year, He taught me so much about "Be still, and know that I am God.

He knew it was not in my personality to sit still. I find it hard to sit in silence for even just 10 minutes without my mind wandering or my feet staying in a still position. What I learned though is that He knows it is hard for me to be still. He knows I am consistently wanting to be busy, being useful to help someone else. He created me to be this way. He is teaching me humility in my randomness when I forget to return a phone call or email. I have forgotten to have lunch with a sweet friend more than once. I am finding that in my weaknesses He gives me strength and the ability to say I am sorry when I let someone down. There is freedom knowing that He has created me with strengths and weaknesses and I know that HE is God, I am not. I have so much faith and confidence that He is in control of my life that even in my scatteredness there isn't anything that takes Him by surprise. The best part of my life though is knowing that He loves me unconditionally even when I don't do everything well.

Some would say, put less in your day, say no more often, prioritize your life, and organize your world. I am working on all of these great suggestions, and yet, there is something satisfying about walking the tight rope. My favorite saying is one that my husband says often "You can sleep when you are dead." If I am doing all the things that I love, I think at some point the Lord will show and remove from me the things that He wants me to give up. Until then, I will ask the Lord to use my life each day to show the Love of Jesus to others on all sides surrounding the tight rope.

In the World of IDK, LOL and WBU

Communication is ever changing. We started with telegraph, then on to telephones, then cell phones, now smart phones. I had to ask Paul the other day what was considered a smart phone. For those of you that don't know, it is a phone that has internet capabilities. We have iphones, ipod touches, ipads and laptops. We can talk to each other through texts, Facebook and Skype. We are an extremely technological savvy culture. With all this technology how much do we really communicate?

I pick up a group of teenagers and they are sitting next to one another in the car, all texting to someone else. They come over to my house to hangout; watch movies or play video games and yet they are communicating with another friend, somewhere else. My son plays video games connected to another friend, at his house. I am fixing dinner in the kitchen listening to their conversations, yet there is only one boy in my family room. It all seems so surreal. With all this capability to be connected, to be in relationship, are we really?

Do you miss something when you don't hear a voice on the other end? Can things be read into a text or an email that is not meant or intended? I ask my daughter often, why don't you just pick up the phone and call that person. Her response is, we don't do that any more. Why is that? Isn't it quicker to spend 2 minutes on the phone versus 30 minutes of three words texts? We are all so busy doing so many things at once, it is quicker to text or email instead of the picking up the phone and calling. The person might answer and then you will get into a full blown conversation that could last a long time. I wonder what relationships of this generation will look like in the future. Will everyone meet their future spouses through online applications? Are we becoming so advanced that we won't know how to work through a disagreement or share the most joyous moments face to face so you can see the expressions on the other person's face? Will kids have the communication skills to be able to walk into a job interview and have confidence?

I have been thinking about how different life will look in the future. While FB is a great way to stay connected to people who live far away and I often have great chats late at night with friends, family or kids who need encouragement, I wonder how close we will be in the future. Will we have close families? Will our kids speak to us only through technology? We all long for human touch. Will the technology drive us into lonely islands and steal time and energy that we could spend in meeting our greatest needs and for the needs of others?

How can we balance life between technology and living life like we used to "in person"? Pick up the phone once in awhile instead of using your keyboard. Invite a friend out to lunch instead of sending an email. There are huge rewards in giving or receiving a hug or positive verbal words. Go out on a date with your spouse or special someone. By spending quality time with the people you love, whether it is a friend or family member, you are building relationships beyond three letter acronyms. I think if you think about it, you would rather have a few people who know and love you deeply rather than 354 friends who only know you by the status' you post every once in awhile.

Love without Any Strings Attached...

Do to others as you would like them to do to you. If you love only those who love you, why should you get credit for that? Even sinners love those who love them! ... Love your enemies! Do good to them. Lend to them wihtout expecting to be repaid. Then your reward from heaven will be very great, and you will truly be acting as children of the Most High, for he is kind to those who are unthankful and wicked. You must be compassionate, just as your Father is compassionate. Luke 6


Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other. No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love is brought to full expression in us. I John 4:11-12

This entry has taken me a while to process. I have been meditating over and over God's two greatest commands; Love God and Love your Neighbor. About six months ago I asked God to teach me what it means to Love your Neighbor. While I am still on this journey and might be for a long time to come, I am slowly beginning to understand what it entails. At first glance, you think He might choose strangers, neighbors, people we don't know to teach us this principle. While he has brought some people into my life that fit this description, they are not the ones that are difficult to love without any preconceptions or expectations of receiving anything in return when I invest my time, finances or energy. This is one of the cornerstones that our church we attend talks about. Often it is talked about in context of reaching out to our community, people outside of our every day lives. I find these people easy to serve! When I see a need, I receive great pleasure in extending an open hand to meet those.

However, God has a way of teaching us lessons through things that don't come easy. Trials are meant for the purpose in bringing out the worse characteristics in us so they can be addressed. This journey called life is all about preparing us for eternity. God and sin don't mix. While God is a God of love and mercy, He also has no tolerance for bad attitudes, unGodly lifestyles and choices. It is like the process of refining gold. It takes intense heat to bring impurities to the surface. After they are skimmed off, you have pure gold. Our lives are the same way. He wants to remove the impurities in our attitudes and actions so we have a close relationship with him and are prepared for the life He has for us in Heaven.

Because of life experiences; disappointments, offenses committed against us, rejection, being misunderstood, mistakes, people failing us, we pull away. Relationships become clouded, walls come up and the close bonding that could have or should have been becomes a distant memory or a desire that might not come to pass.

These kinds of broken relationships happen between friends, neighbors, family members, church family, co-workers and bosses. Any environment that you can dream up, whenever people are involved, there will always be some kind of hurt that takes place. For me, God has used close friends and family members to teach this principle to me. He kind of caught me off guard. Funny how God does that, "Our thoughts are not His thoughts"...Some relationships are broken for years, different personalities breed much miscommunication and lack of trust. You would think that in a family setting it is the one place that you feel unconditional love. I see it over and over every day in so many families. Family is a breeding ground for dysfunction, rejection, performance setting, judgment, criticism, and lack of concern or compassion, bad manners and lack of boundaries. Everyone is speaking and no one is listening. And yet, everyone wants to be heard, respected, loved for who they are not who someone else thinks they should be.

How can we rise above all the dysfunction??? I'm still working on that, sad to say...He has been showing me each broken relationship in my life, one by one and the process is the same. Just as I allow Him to heal one, He won't let up. He spot lights the next one...

The journey is the same...
Grant forgiveness: I choose to forgive you of ....., I am letting you off the hook, your debt is paid in full!

Grant grace: You have not asked for forgiveness, I am choosing to show you compassion, to let go of all of the offenses you have committed against me. In the future I will show you kindness and treat you with respect. I do not want my bitterness to impact others or create a wall in my relationship with God!

Grant me the ability to Love: Even though I can't forget all the things you have done to me consciously or unconsciously, I choose to love you because you are a friend or a family member. God help me to see this person as you see them and to love them regardless of what they say or do. Help me hold my tongue and not slander against them when they repeat the same actions because of their own weaknesses...

Who is God using in your life to teach you how to love with no strings attached? Is it your son or daughter, mom or dad, sister or cousin, aunt or uncle, best friend, boss or someone in authority over you? Who in your life has hurt you and you have a hard time having a close relationship? What steps do you need to love unconditionally???

Why am I getting the Short End of the Stick?

My first recollection of being treated unfairly was when I was five. I was a tiny little quiet thing, following every rule perfectly afraid of everyone and everything! During kindergarten one day at recess, I was close to having an accident. I ran inside the school just in the nick of time. As I was headed back to play I was headed off by the principal. Life was different back then. There were no questions asked if something happened. He marched me into his office, only to receive a swat with a wooden paddle. I have to say the experience was traumatic. To make matters worse, when I arrived home, the principal had called my dad and I received a second paddling.

You can only imagine my feelings toward the principal and my dad. I was sad, even angry for I had done nothing wrong. I felt betrayed by those in authority and furthermore I lacked trust in either one of them for not allowing me to voice my side of the incident. I was too small to speak up for myself. It took  me a while to respect either one for having ignored my needs. We have all had siblings that have done something to us and we receive the blame and punishment for a crime that we did not commit. These experiences shape who we are and how we perceive others who are treated unjustly.

When I became a parent I vowed that I would deal with conflict differently; whether it was between my child and their friends or between siblings. Whenever there is an altercation, I always bring both parties in and get their side of the story before deeming one or the other guilty. If I have to become the judge and jury and I have not been witness to the offense, sometimes they are both deemed guilty.  There are always two sides to every story. Damage can be done when one party is always declared innocent when many things take place behind the scenes. Just because one screams louder than the other and one remains silent, does not validate innocence on either behalf.

As we grow older, how do we handle our emotions when someone has treated us unjustly??? It is a process to work through our emotions. From a Christ-Centered perspective, the first thing to do is pray for the person who has given you the short end of the stick. Scripture says Pray for those who persecute you (or accuse you for something you did not do). The one thing that I don't want to do is forgive, however it is required for our own well being, and it is a command. Without forgiveness, we can come bitter and it can cause us to make wrong choices. Sometimes confrontation is in order, however we have to ask ourselves, what is our heart's motivation by confronting, is it to rid ourself of anger, or to approach that person in humility to restore relationship? If confrontation is necessary, sometimes it is better to wait a period of time before approaching those who have hurt us.

We all want justice, to set the record straight, our reputation to be restored and in the end, feel vindication. However, that is not always possible. There are thousands of stories of people who have been wronged and do not receive an apology or seen a solution to a restored relationship. God clearly states, Vengenance is mine, says the Lord, I will repay. It is best to pray for the truth to be revealed, for the eyes of the accuser to be opened and for the innocent's name to be restored. God is capable of the impossible. He is in the business of healing hearts and relationships. We don't need to defend ourselves and our reputation for He does all of that for us if we seek HIM!

Life Lessons from Mother Teresa

My favorite book of the summer was Mother Teresa Missionary of Charity by Sam Wellman! When I started reading it, I couldn't put it down and I could stop talking about her weeks after I had finished reading it.We all need heroes, people to look up to, to aspire to be...Very few of us will ever touch as many lives as Mother Teresa did. She not only believed in Jesus' two greatest commands, but she lived and breathed His commands, Love the Lord God with all of your heart, with all of your mind and with all of your soul! The second greatest command was Love your neighbor as yourself.

From a very early age, Gonxha (Teresa) worked alongside of her mother taking meals to people in need, allowing people to stay at their house, visiting the sick, distributing clothing and money to the poor. She had parents with a vision to look beyond their own needs and the needs of their immediate family and challenged their kids to do the same.

Teresa went to school, did chores, helped with the poor, was an interpreter for her priest, played musical instruments, and she composed poetry. She had a very good work ethic and never sat idle. One week missionaries came through from India to her church. Teresa was so intrigued by their stories and began to dream big dreams.  How many of us dream big dreams or are we just content to sit in our own comfort zone? She clearly heard God's voice that she was to go into ministry and she joined a convent at the young age of 16! Ireland was her first step to India. When she left, it was on a ship alone from Albania to Ireland. Within a year she transferred to India.  Her comment when walking through the slums was "I cannot be of material assistance to them, for I have nothing; but I go to make them happy." Her prayer was "Give me the strength to be ever the light of their lives, so that I may lead them at last to you. "

In 1942 after the bombing of Pearl Harbor many Indians were starving to death. More than 2 MILLION died. After the war in 1948, war broke out at home between the Hindus and the Muslims. Teresa found herself in the middle of a political war. Eventually they split apart creating a new country called Pakistan. When she was 36 she left the convent to start her own order to live among the poor, the Missionaries of Charity. They ate a simple diet, wearing a sari like dress with sandals. Their living quarters were simple, no electricity, stoves, washing machines. Only a chair and a bed were allowed. Her motto before starting any new mission was "But God will provide!" In order to to maintain their strength and power she said, "The religious need silence to hear God speak to them. There is no life of prayer without silence." They started schools, hospitals, a mobile hospital, a shelter for the dying "Place of the Pure Heart". They would go into the slums, carry out the ones who were just about to die and bring them to this place. They started an orphanage because they would take the babies out of the arms of the moms who had died in the streets.

When she visited America to speak in Las Vegas years later, she was meditating in the desert outside of Las Vegas before her speech. She gathered thorns from a cactus and twisted them into a crown. She would take this as a souvenir and put it on the crucifix at home. She didn't like to take credit for all of her ministries but she would take all of the money from her appearances and use it to fund her next vision. She believed that prayer leads to faith, faith to love and love to service. One of her most profound quotes for me was this "Many people want to do the big things, no one wants to do the small things-writing a letter for a blind man, washing someone's dirty clothes, cleaning someone else's house."

She had charity houses in Bangladesh, Australia, Gaza , Yemen, Ethiopia, New York. By the end of her ministry they had 158 houses (68 in India), 1,718 sisters, 495 clinics treating 4,100,000 people medically, they treated 258,000 lepers in 103 houses for lepers. They ran 107 slum schools with 15,800 students. They cared for 2,770 orphans and regularly fed 165,000 people who were poor. How staggering to think of all of these people, each who had a name, and a story who were in need. All these millions of people were touched by the hand of Jesus, through one small woman named Gonxha with only a high school education, who dreamed big dreams, with a child-like faith and a big heart for Jesus!

What does He want to do with your life?

Compassion

By definition compassion means sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others.

I have had so many people say, "I don't understand why I had a hard time conceiving a child, losing someone I loved in an untimely manner, losing my job or their spouse walking away. People face tragedies of every kind every day. Kids are bullied and treated unfairly, tornadoes, hurricanes and tsunamis come and go. The list of pain and suffering goes on and on and on. If you watch the news each day you will observe a murder, a car accident or a drowning, each have a victim who has endured pain or death. What is the purpose in all of is, many ask???? The truth is many of us will never know. However, II Corinthians, Chapter 2 talks specifically about pain and suffering!

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. If we have never gone through trials and tribulations and our life has been smooth sailing it is harder to identify with those that have. That is not saying that you have to experience suffering to feel compassion. Some people are gifted with the ability to comfort others without thinking about it. However, if we have walked in similar shoes to one who is experiencing what we have experienced, comfort comes easily. I guess this is one benefit you could say to having endured suffering. We are able to comfort others with the comfort that we have received from God!!!!

Who do you see through your perspective that needs compassion? Is it the homeless person on the corner asking for food? Is it the elderly person drinking their coffee alone? Is it the family that you see in the magazine who is standing in front of the shambles of their home? Is it the man next door who is fighting cancer? Is it the single mom who receives no break from the stress of raising children, working full-time just making ends meet? Is it the friend who is torn between two parents, spending one week at one and the other at the other parent's house? Is it your friends who have just sent their child away to college? Is it a family who has a chronically sick child?

What spurs your heart to a concern for others? Do you see those in need around you? Do you see the friend who is always depressed and no one asks why? Do you see the tear in the eye of the person who feels alone? When you feel that tug on your heart, are you compelled to do something? Don't miss the opportunity to meet the need of someone who needs you!

Reaping What You Sow

Yesterday was a hard day for me. Three college kids came as interns to our church. They spent the summer with our youth group. They played pranks, went to camps, came to pool parties and just hung out with our kids. They gave all that they had; their time and energy and their hearts to draw the kids to God, to each other and to the church community. While they came to learn, they taught us so much more. You forget as life goes on what it is to have goals and dreams and passion or zeal. They drew me in as an adult. Yesterday we had to say goodbye to them! This was the first picture of love with no strings attached.

The second picture of love with no strings attached is a contrasting picture of getting ready for college. The first picture is a mother and father, having a potluck to invite their son's friends and peers to their house to send their son away to college. My heart went out to the son's mom who had invested her life into her only child. She had spent her whole life preparing him to be the best he could be. She spent the day weeping, grieving that this will be the first that her son is out on His own. At the end of the day, he will be a successful engineer.

The contrasting picture is another son who will be off to college in a few days, unsure of what he will become. He has a parent who is unsupportive, telling the son that they are not sure if the son will ever be successful, that he has made mistakes in the past and is unable to overcome them. He has voices in his head telling him that he will not make it in life, voices that are completely false. This parent is sowing seeds of doubt, of conditional love, criticism and judgment. The son can rise above these voices and finish his education with our without the support but it will be by sure will and desire on his own part to be successful. How much easier it is though to accomplish his goals with his parent in his corner. This is a picture of love with many strings attached.

We all want people to take interest in who we are as individuals. We want people to believe in us inspiring us to be the best we can be. People will rise to the level of our expectations. If we invest nothing and expect nothing, we will gain nothing! If you look around, there are so many children and youth who just "come up". They have had little training or instruction in so many areas of their life whether it comes to relationships, manner or moral values. While we can't be everyone's parents, we are all surrounded by the life of another child that we can invest in. It takes very little effort to love someone else. It takes very little effort to give another a hug or a word of encouragement. It takes time and energy to listen and watch and learn but the rewards are endless. The rewards are many for investing in the life of others, they are eternal. Get involved, look around for those who have had no one to invest in their life. There are children and youth everywhere, they need someone to sow seeds of God's love into their souls. In the end, what are we reaping??? Souls are eternal!!! We can make a difference in where they go!

Thankful Heart

Be joyful always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus! I Thessalonians 5:16-18

Today it is easy for me to be thankful! The kids like their teachers minus one, hopefully that will change tomorrow, but overall the transitions have been easy. Both the kids have friends and friends in their classes. We are all happy with our church and we have friends wherever we go. Things are going well for all of us and at the moment we have our health. I know, some of my superstitious friends are saying that I am jinxing us!

My point is that when things are running fairly smoothly and we are living on the mountaintop, it is easy to praise God and have a thankful heart. God is the giver of all good gifts! Trust me when I say that I LOVE living on the mountaintop and life is smooth. Each day I say Thank you God for all you have given me! The appliances are running well, not broken and the car doesn't need to be fixed and we are employed and the kids are enjoying school and their friends are all blessings, not to be taken for granted! At any moment, all of it can change.  It is important that we enjoy the mountaintop while it lasts. But what about when it is over and life no longer is smooth sailing???

Nothing changes! God still wants me to praise and thank Him in all things. We all have lived on the mountaintop and in the valleys at many times in our life. In just of the blink of an eye, the stress' of life may come and bumps in the road come and we will be crying out to God for His help and wisdom because we can't handle life on our own. He still out of a sense of obedience wants me to praise Him and thank Him in all circumstances.

Are you on the mountaintop or down in the valley? Do you thank God for the good days and the blessings that He bestows upon you when things are going well? In the bad times, do you praise God for who He is and for His faithful promises when you are going through pain? Regardless of my circumstances; God wants my heart to be full of thanks for He is in control of all!

1st Day of School

Summer's Over!!! I thought I would be so sad today. I always am sad for a week when the kids go back to school. Lazy days are over, routines begin and work starts for us again. This year life seems different than most!

It's the beginning of a new chapter, a happy chapter. With so much pain and disappointments in middle school I'm glad we are starting over. I've said so many times that high school is a second chance for Abby. I have prayed for the past three years that she would make new friends. I wanted her to make friends at church so she would want to be there. This summer was the start of the new beginning.

How blessed I feel to have made the switch to our church almost three years ago. In a smaller setting you can get to know people and be known by people. I think that is one of our deepest longings. I could have never asked for a more passionate or zany pastor for Abby who deeply loves the kids and loves Jesus! I couldn't have asked for a better group of kids. We saw a remarkable turning point in all of them this summer and I am deeply thankful! It is such a great place to be, to be in the midst of a car full of kids going from place to place, to hear the chatter and the laughter, knowing that they enjoy being together.

While high school brings uncertainty, especially attending freshman orientation and hearing an hour lecture by the Scottsdale Police Department about DUI, kids taking drugs and not being able to trust any kid for one moment, I was not filled with fear. In the car I was asked if I felt the same level of "untrust" as was mentioned in the lecture. While I don't believe that any child is above making the "wrong choices", I feel that relationships with parents or lack of are building blocks or stepping stones for future decisions. I thank God that Abby is now part of an awesome church youth group. I feel thankful that she is surrounded by a lot of good girls and some strong women role models at the ranch where she rides horses. I also feel very thankful that she will be attending a school where the teachers care about each student and know them by name. I also feel thankful that she is surrounded by adults at church who care about her as a person!

I truly believe in the statement that it takes a community to raise a child that as a parent you can't do it alone. It is an awesome privilege watching your child become a responsible young adult. I love our school's three corner stones for character: reverence (for our Creator), respect (for others) and responsibility. While these four years ahead are going to pass us by too quickly, I am so excited that I will have a front row seat in this journey and that I am chosen to be the one who will be the chauffeur and cheerleader and coach. I am expecting that God is going to do great things not only in the life of my daughter but in all of the other kids that will be surrounding her!!! Here's to new beginnings...

Why Am I Here?

The body is a unit, though it is made up of many parts; and though all of its parts are many, they form one body. I Cor 12: 12 Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it. I Cor 12:27

What is Your Purpose Here on Earth?

God has created all of us as one of a kind. We all look different, we sound different. We have different likes and dislikes and are a part of different earthly families. He created us with different gifts and talents. vs. 7-11. My husband Paul is very analytical and awesome with facts and figures and has fantastic organizational skills. I am creative, a people person and love to encourage others. Although we are part of different earthly families when we accept Christ and allow Him to be Lord of our life, we become adopted into His heavenly family. We wouldn't accomplish much if we were all the same. We all have different talents for a purpose and there is not one that is more important than the next. We all are here on earth to glorify God by using what He has given us to live out His two greatest commands, Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and mind and Love Your Neighbor as yourself.

Through a lifetime of searching and asking God how He wants to use me, I've realized he has created within me several passions. The first started at a very young age when my parents realized that I could carry a tune. My dad had me singing solos at church at 3. After college I started teaching piano and started children and adult choirs. It was clear that I had a love for music. However, I became a performer! It wasn't always that way but in my early adult years I clearly loved being at the center of the stage. God isn't mocked! You truly can't hide from Him or our intentions. For a long time, it wasn't about worshipping Him or bringing glory to Him from all the things in my life that He had done. It was purely for the praise that I received. We attended a large church for 14 years. I found my first mentor who was my music pastor's wife. I loved her and her husband, my music pastor baptized Abby.  Eventually the performance opportunities ended and I was no longer being used. My pride was hurt and so I started serving in many other places at our church.

Having young children, I started serving in the young Mom's ministry. I LOVED being a small group leader and it was there that I developed a love for mom's who were struggling; without family, having troubled marriages, without Godly mother figures. That ministry lasted for 10 years and then it faded away. I went through a mentoring training program for a couple of years without anywhere to serve. Now I had all of these passions but no where to serve!!! I'm confused God!!!!!!! You train me up to sit??? Yes, just wait and wait and wait!!! This year He is allowing me to use my skills and training in two different ministries; music and mentoring.

What gifts have you been given??? How are you using what you have been given to glorify Him and be a part of HIS family???

Leap of Faith

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see! Hebrews 11:1

This past weekend the kids and I went to visit some friends at their cabin two hours north of Phoenix. We love the smell of the pines and the fresh cool air. It is still quite hot and muggy here in Arizona. We took a long walk down the mountain and walked through the cool creek, in the rain. To some that doesn't seem like much fun, to us, we don't see rain very much in Phoenix, like almost never. It was fun watching Dylan try to catch crayfish with a cup in the stream. He would have been happy to just wallow along in the creek all day, even in the rain. However, at the end of the creek was a big swimming hole. It wasn't just the adventure of the swimming hole though that was exciting.

It was the new adventure of cliff diving, one we had never experienced. Our friend was the first to experience it, even though he had been many times before. Dylan watched in anticipation and reluctantly left his hunt for the pinching slimy creatures. Without a hesitation though he was off the cliff in one swift jump, ready to take the leap again and again. Abby was coaxed into heading up the cliff herself. Hers was not the same quick leap off of the edge. I could see the fear and reluctance in her eyes. Fear is often what keeps us from taking that first step. I can't say that I blamed her for one second, for I share her fear of heights. I truly would have been Ok with her turning around and deciding not to take the plunge. But with the coaxing of her friend and the willingness of her brother to go with her at the same time, she stepped off alone. She watched more than once, the boys stepping off and plunging into safety. However there was fear that she would not share the same experience as they had. Once was more than enough for her. I was proud of both the kids for their display of courage and trust they had in our friends that it would be Ok and for their willingness to try.

There are many examples in the bible of people stepping out in faith: Abraham leaving his country when God asked Him to, Noah building the ark on dry land even though people thought he was insane, Moses refused to be called the son of pharoah's daughter and he was mistreated with all the Israelites in order to free them from slavery one day. The list of heroes of faith in the Bible are endless.

I have many people in my family right now that are taking a leap of faith, leaving their own comfort zone for a new beginning. Our nephew and niece Craig and Sarah are leaving their hometown and their home for Craig to be a director at a new camp site for Spring Hill in Indiana. Our nephew and niece Jesse and Kelly are starting a new bicycle ministry to help kids in their walk with Christ. They are fundraising now with hopes to one day do this full time. My two nephews Jacob and Jason or going to a new college in Boston and Seattle far away from home. Abby is starting a new chapter of her life with new friends in high school in just a few days. My mom went on a mission trip to Spain alone for a month. She will return in two weeks.

All of them have things in common. They all know Christ. Some have to trust God for finances. Others have to trust God to open doors and wait on God and His timing. Some have to overcome their fears and walk this journey alone. The one thing that faith requires is TRUST!  There are many experiences in life that we can't handle alone. It requires us to ask God for help where we fall short. And then, the hardest part is waiting.

Are you Ok with just living in your comfort zone? What leap of faith do you need to take? What hinders you from taking that first step? Just trust!!!

Rest

Even youth grow tired and weary and young men stumble and fall, but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:30-31

This verse describes my summer! I haven't written my blog for most of the summer. I didn't do a lot of cooking or cleaning and as little laundry as was necessary. We lived away from strict time constraints and did activities out of the ordinary. Routine is important and a part of life. At times though it feels as if I am a gerbil running on a ferris wheel going round and round and every day feels the same. Every parent out there and probably most kids feel the same way.

I always look forward to summer. I love spending the time with my kids. I love not having to carpool and race from place to place. I love being able to sleep in once in awhile and not "filling my day" with 101 things. We all get stressed out from life in general. I am always sad for two weeks once the kids go back with tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat nervous for new beginnings for everyone. It was bad enough having to experience the first day of school myself, but even worse as a parent. I get nervous meeting their teachers, worrying if they'll start out on the right foot.

Summer is a time for renewal. All these stresses ease away with the relaxation of life without a schedule. We get tired from having such a busy life; school, sports, church, jobs, volunteer activities.

Someone once gave me such a fantastic word picture. Close your eyes and imagine a watering can. Mine is beautiful with flowers painted on the outside. I start with the can full of fresh, sparkling cold water. I pour it out little by little for my kids and my husband. The water keeps flowing with each person that I help, the work that I do, the places I serve. Until, at the very end there is no more cold sparkling water. The can becomes all dry and hot and then there is nothing left to give for anyone. As a matter of fact, there is none left for me. Some call that burnout.

We all need time to be quiet, to unplug to rest, to spend time in worship and peace with our Creator. John 7:37 says: If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him. I thank God for the time I spent with Him this summer on my hikes through the mountain, on my bike along the river. For there, He renewed my strength for the places He will have me serve during this next school year.

How about you? Are you refreshed ready to serve where God wants you to or are you like the dry watering can? If so, ask God to wash His living water in and through you. His promise to help you soar like and eagle is true!!

Sowing Seeds in the Young

Be slow to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.

When our youth pastor asked me to be a counselor for our youth camp two weeks ago I came with many reservations. After wrestling with God most of the night after I was asked, I asked Him to give me a peace. In the quiet hours of the morning it was like He was speaking to my heart that there was a divine purpose for me going. The verse above was the verse that He gave me for the week. It had been many years since I had walked along side of youth. I have been involved with kids, and women's ministries for the past 15 years. I decided that I would come with open hands and an open heart giving whatever I had to whomever he brought into my path. Almost instantly I felt a bond to all of the girls in my quad and almost an instant connection with my roommate and the girls in our small group, all 16 of them.

Many things happened during the week; distractions, diversions. Some things were just kids being kids, others were more serious. Each day we prayed for the kids feeling like God was going to do something big in the lives of the 42 kids that were entrusted into our care. There was a particular night when Ryan, our pastor was speaking. We had several people come through our outdoor seating area talking loudly, planes flying overhead, and just before the "feet washing ceremony" a black rat was threatening to run between the rows of where the students were sitting. I prayed for God to run him in a different direction. He heard and answered as the little fellow ran down into a vent in the cement. I even had a student who had food poisoning and became so sick that she had to be taken to urgent care. God's plans cannot be thwarted. Some would describe all of the events as a natural occurrence. I think it was all far more of a spiritual nature. When God has plans to do the miraculous, Satan LOVES to send distractions. God is greater, and praying God's Word and claiming victory in the name of Jesus and the blood that was shed on the cross, gives the power to overcome.

Sometimes events take place that are sad.  I witnessed our group being very loving and full of grace over the week that they were together. It is one thing for an adult to share the love of Jesus, not by their words but by deeds. It is a whole different story when it comes from a peer.

How privileged I felt to listen to the stories of the students on the last night of how God had transformed their life. That is what God does with His unconditional love and mercy regardless of what we say or do. Seeds were planted, seeds of God's love for us displayed through the life of a group of students. It is my prayer that God will continue to grow those seeds that were planted in the days to come through the friendships that were made in Malibu California. How proud I am of all the kids. Our youth group is different, closer. I pray that their lives will change our church and in the schools that they all represent!!! Never look down on those who are young. Their passion and zeal can touch the lives of those that we can't touch and they can strengthen the faith of those who have a deep and abiding love with Jesus!

Sitting in the Dark

All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Psalm 139:16

I often say my grandpa has nine lives. He has brushed death's door more than 6 times, his newest escape this past week. While we were in Indiana, he had a couple of strokes and a long stay in the hospital. I have held his hand and told him I loved him a thousand times, thinking it will be the last time I ever see him again on this side of heaven. He has told me over and over that he will hang on until my grandma is gone to heaven first. He doesn't want her to be left here alone.

I went to visit him tonight in the rehabilitation facility and the room was dark. He was lying in bed with the oxygen in his nose and a breathing treatment in his mouth. He was lying there so peaceful gazing straight ahead like he didn't even know I was there. He tried to speak with the tube in his mouth and his speech was slurred. I talked to him quietly and told him to just listen. My heart was filled with sadness hearing that he is in pain at times from the treatments he is going through and with so many complications that are taking place with his health I kept wondering why such a faithful servant has to endure so much suffering. Is it grandpa's will to stay or the fact that God knows exactly how many days he will remain on this earth? I keep wondering why God is allowing him to stay.

It has taken me a long time to be willing to let him go. He has been like a dad to me since my dad left us so many years ago. He has been such a faithful loving grandfather to my kids all of these years. Although I feel so much love for him, I now feel so much empathy for the fact that he is so weary and tired of being in pain physically and of carrying the burdens of my grandma who can't even remember our names. I pray daily now for God to take Him home. For when he leaves us He will feel no more pain, there will no longer be so many medicines, he will shed no more tears, nor will he be confined to a bed or a chair. He will gain a new body free from all his ailments and will never have to worry about any of us or anything for the rest of eternity. I am sure my dad will be waiting for him. I'm sure they will go fishing.

So tonight as I sat in the dark by his side, we sat in mostly silence. I sat on the edge of his bed as he stroked my hair. He's never done that before. I told him how much I loved him and that grandma will be Ok. 

I leave for a couple of weeks again on Monday. I don't know what will happen to grandpa tomorrow, or a week from now or a month from now. But I pray that his remaining days here will be few.

Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, surely the darkness will hide me, even the darkness will not be dark to you. The night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.  Psalm 139:7-12

When I grow I want to be like you...

As a parent you make so many sacrfices. Thinking back having infants then toddlers probably wasn't Paul's favorite stages, although he enjoyed watching them grow and learn during each phase. As the years have gone by Paul has found new adventures to share with the kids. His adventurous spirit is one of the greatest attributes that I love about him. Many fathers are caught up in their careers and don't have the time to invest in the life and relationships with their kids. Paul has done a tremendous job over the years being a part of their life and their interests. He has sacrificed many hours with friends and even his own hobbies to do things with them. Paul taught both of the kids how to ride motorcycles when they were young. When they would fall, he would pick them up, dust them off and put them back on so they wouldn't develop a fear. Just his presence and their trust in him would give them the confidence to get back on.

Paul has passed on his love for fireworks. Each year we go back to Indiana and the kids are by his side all night laughing and having a great time. At times, I get nervous but enjoy watching them be together! It is a tradition, one that the kids can't wait to do year after year!

For years, Paul has traded in his Saturday mornings when he could have been riding his harley or going to the gym to sit out watching Abby ride her horse. Many times he comes home exhausted from his trips, sometimes only getting 5 hours of sleep the night before. He stops and gets a large coffee and spends the morning with Abby. Many times on his days off, he gets up with her at 5:30 to take her out to ride. Some used to think that he was watching her progress but she loves him being there. 

Paul has spent time with Dylan teaching him how to play ball, riding bikes. I love how Paul always makes deals with the kids to help them achieve their goals and help them be the best that they can possibly be. Paul can fix almost anything whether it is a dryer or a part on the car. Dylan has always loved to tear things apart and now Paul has begun to teach Dylan how to fix things too. Dylan's newest project was tearing the old computer apart. Paul taught him to connect the small inner fan to a battery that actually works. Dylan has a fascination with how things work. When he was six months old, laying on the floor trying to get the wheel to work on his stroller and watching to see how it was put together. Paul understands how Dylan's mind works and often can see ahead of Dylan and challenges him in things that interest him.

I am confident that the kids will look back on their life and really appreciate that Paul has invested his time and energy into just "being there", involved in their day to day activities. He has hardly ever missed a game, a concert, a birthday party, halloween. Although work takes him away from time to time, he goes to great lengths to rework things often at his own expense to be there for them. I am so thankful for all that he does and all that he has personally invested in each one of them as individuals. How blessed Abby and Dylan are and have been to have Paul for a dad! Happy Father's Day Paul, we all love you!!!

Celebrating Dad...

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and your gates. Deuteronomy 6:5-9

Father's Day is always bittersweet for me! I love that we can celebrate Paul but I also walk through the card isle with a lump in my throat, remembering...

This is how my dad looked to many; on a Sunday morning, at a wedding, or a funeral, my dad had several different colors depending on the occasion. This was his work outfit to me. I always thought he looked so handsome all dressed up! He was always so careful to make sure his tie was the sharpest part of the outfit! I went to church with him every Sunday morning at 6:30 a.m to fold bulletins. He was studying in his office for his sermons. Dad had so much knowledge of the Bible and had such a humble way of sharing with others how much Jesus loves us! We were there every time the door opened until everyone had left and the door was locked. Dad instilled in us the importance of being a part of a church family and honoring God by spending the Sabbath at church!

Dad was always faithful and supportive of our family. He was serious and committed to the work of the kingdom but I loved the fact that he loved me unconditionally and believed in me. He always told me that with God's help I could achieve anything that I set my mind to. He also reminded me many times that I am here on this earth for a specific purpose. 

 

This is the man that no one outside of the family got to see. Dad LOVED to fish! We would sit in the boat at sun up and as the sun was setting for almost every family vacation in the upper penisula of Michigan. My dad was always layed back. He was such a patient teacher and out of his love for me and his kind heart, he would always put the worm on the hook and take the fish off. I hated both of those jobs and he got so much joy out of doing those things for me. He wanted to take me in the boat more than my mom or my brother. My mom didn't really like going and my brother had a hard time sitting still quietly or without banging the bottom of the boat. We NEVER caught anything with them on our excursions! It was my special time with him and we always exchanged fish stories; who caught the most and whose was the biggest. 

Dad had a spirit of adventure. He tried water skiing three years before he passed away at age 60. I was so proud of him. He kept trying until he got up, did one pass around and was so tired that he let go. I loved seeing his smile of accomplishment and his perseverance!

Dad loved animals; both our dogs when I was growing up and Lady our first dog! Dad came to live with us for about four months when he moved to Arizona. I loved spending time with him and was sad when my mom finally joined him after selling their house in MD. Little did I know how blessed I would be to spend that time with him when just a few short years he would leave us for years to come.

Dad was so proud of his grandkids. Here he is holding Dylan for the very first time. At the time, you never really realize how precious pictures are until they are the only memories left of someone you loved so dearly. I have always been so sad that Dylan would never remember his grandfather or that he would never have the experience of his grandpa teaching him how to fish. Now out of reluctance, I am the one who puts the worm on the hook and wiggles the fish off of the hook when we send them back in.

This was our last Christmas together! He always brought such warmth and I always felt so loved when he would hug me and tell me how much he loved me.  I don't remember what presents were given that year but you can see on Abby's face how much she loved Christmas and loved having him there too with us!

On March 26, 2003 I lost one of the four most important men in my life. I looked up to him for everything! He was one of the most Godly men I have ever known. He had his weaknesses but there weren't many. He influenced the lives of hundreds of people because He had a love for Jesus. People say that time heals all wounds. I have to say, when you love someone that deeply, the void in your heart never goes away and no one can ever replace that person. While they are so much a part of who you are, you never stop missing hearing their voice, feeling their touch or wanting to be in their presence once again.

Dad taught me a lot about life, how I see things, how I view others, how I look at eternity. He didn't teach me how to play ball or the piano, how to bake or how to use computers. He did spend many hours in the car with me late at night on trips talking about Jesus, his commandments and His love for me. I picture God being kind and compassionate, humble and quiet spirited because that is the earthly father that I had. While my dad was serious and strict, I also knew that He loved me with all of his heart. I am the person that I am today because my dad invested so much of himself into my life. I cannot wait for the day when it is my time to leave this earth. Heaven is for real and I am so thankful that he is waiting for me and all of the people that I love to join him. I am confident that he is one of the first people that I will see when I get there.

Until then, he passed on the torch to us...Impress the love of Jesus and His commandments on the hearts of your children and all of the souls that surround me. May I be found faithful til the end as He was!

Religion or Relationship

"You can't go to the movies. You can't go to the dance. You can't play cards. Don't drink, don't smoke, don't go out with boys who do". The list went on and on. For some, this list continues on still today. You can have a list as a catholic, as a practicing jew or as a Christian as 80% or more of what Americans call themselves. You have to read your bible daily, be a church member, attend church at least once a week, do some kind of community service and pray. People attend church for all kinds of reasons. Some attend for business contacts or social events. Others just think it is what they should do or have their kids theire while others "fill the square" on Easter and Christmas. Is there anything wrong with any of these things? No! All of them are necessary and beneficial. However, it is the intent behind following the law. The law without love for the one who wrote the law is only religion. Religion is following the checklist so you can call yourself a good person, better than the next because you do all of these things.

I know, I lived under the rule of "living the checklist" or legalism the majority of my life. My parents loved Jesus, there is no doubt about it. My dad certainly lived it. However, I think there are still churches out there that have missed something by teaching the long list of do's and don'ts only. Now we have lived in a culture that teaches the opposite extreme. They teach that God is all about grace. He loves us and out of His love bestows love and grace freely, which is a true statement. But the grace that He bestows also came at a price, His son on the cross. While I don't have to earn it, I just have to receive it, there is also an accountability and responsibility that comes with receiving that grace. It's called relationship with Jesus Christ. All I have to do is ask for His forgiveness and I am restored into having a relationship with Him. However, out of my love for Him, I want to surrender my will to His and to do all that He has asked of me because I love and trust Him.

Religion is just going through the motions of rituals just for the sake of following the rules. Relationship is willingly choosing to follow Jesus and wanting to please Him because I trust all that He has said is true. We have known and loved people who believe on both sides of the fence. I believe that life with Jesus is probably somewhere down the middle. God is a God of love and grace but He is also a perfect God, Holy in all of His character. He hasn't changed from the God who in the Old Testament wiped out thousands of people for their lack of love for Him and their sinful ways.  It is true, He loves everyone and wants no one to perish, but He also gives us a choice to choose to love and follow Him.

You can't pick and choose the characteristics of God that you want to highlight and discard the others. He is all powerful, all knowing, Holy, righteous (without sin), Sovereign, full of goodness and mercy, loving, Infinite and and everywhere at all times. To have a relationship you have to study the person that you are wanting a relationship with. You have to spend time with them and talk to them. You have to be a listener as well as one who speaks. A relationship is a two way street, give and take. Often people want to only ask things from God.

Often I ask myself, what is required of me to be His follower? It always goes back to His two greatest commandments, EVERYTHING in life falls into one of the two categories, Love the Lord God with all your heart, soul and mind and Love your neighbor as yourself.

Where do you find yourself? Do you just want to have "religion" in your life or do you want to have an abundant life by having a relationship with Jesus? Religion always leaves you feeling as if there is something missing in my life. Relationship with Jesus helps fill the voids in my life!

Good, Better, Best

Yesterday I was watering my flowers and decided to clear out the weeds in my flower bed. I was noticing that they start so small but left unattended they grow tall and spread out. Eventually the one small weed will multiply and occupy over the top of my beautiful flowers. Then it sticks out and makes everything look ugly!

I was thinking about my quiet times with God. There are many things that we love to do with our time; activities with or for the kids, dates with friends, helping out at school, community service, working part time, helping out at church. The list goes on and on until most of my waking hours are consumed with activity and time with the Lord is a mere after thought. They are all excuses really, if you want to know the truth. I just have my priorities all in the wrong order. All of the good things in life might be causing me to miss the best!!!

A very dear lady once gave me a perfect word picture of this concept. You have a beautiful watering can, ceramic painted with wildflowers. This represents my life. I continue to pour out my energy and my life into the lives of others. There will come a time when the watering can is empty. Without time with the Lord, worship and solitude, pouring living water back into my life, I will face burnout until eventually I have nothing more to offer anyone.

John 15 is clearly a picture of life with the Father. "I am the vine (Jesus), and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit He prunes so that it will be even more fruitful". Vs. 1-2 I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing! Vs. 5 How do we remain in Jesus, by spending time in His Word and prayer. Without Him, we will not be used of Him to our maximum potential and eventually He will do His part in pruning our life so we will be useful.

If we do good things in our own power and strength, can you imagine how we could change the world if we had the power of the Father working through us to impact others????

Embracing Change

Jesus Christ is the same, yesterday, today and forever. Hebrews 13:8

We just left Middle School behind. We have entered into a new phase with Abby attending a new school. She has been taking a note taking class this summer to prepare her for the next step, high school. There are so many mixed emotions walking into this new phase. There will be high school games, dates, driving school. We have great anticipation for new friends and new experiences but also with emotions of sadness. I am quite certain that I will blink my eyes and our girl will be moving away from home for the first time.

Each year I gain new piano students and some leave and move away. It is exciting to embrace new people and sad to say goodbye! New friends come into our lives and others find new interests apart from us. Some times it is hard to look back and remember what once was, how paths were so entertwined and then it is changed, relationships that once were are now just faded memories. It makes me realize that you have to enjoy the moments when you have them, to play and laugh and live in the present when they come.

As we get older, the people that we love are also growing older. We watch parents and grandparents' health decline and become more frail. At times we wish we could just stop time, to hold on to our kids and keep them at their current age, to hold onto to those we love and keep them here with us for just a short time more without having to say goodbye, to recapture relationships that once were so close and now are so distant.

My mind still has me in my 30's and at times my body seems to differ with my state of mind. I smile and see small lines around my eyes. I can't stop time, changing me or the ones around me. Some of our friends have watched their kids graduate this year and they will be entering college. They will have to learn how to cope with being a parent with a child they love living so far from home and what to do with their life of solitude. Life never stands still.

At times it is hard to process, so many emotions to deal with. Each phase of life I learn something new. He teaches me so many lessons in walking through changes with others. Sometimes I walk through the phases first and help someone who is going through the phase behind me, sometimes I watch someone else walk through the phase first and pray that they will be there to hold my hand when I have to let go.

With all of life's changes, there is only one constant, Jesus Christ. He never changes, He promises that no matter what happens to me in my life, He will always walk through life beside me. I have nothing to fear for He is there beside me, helping me embrace change.

Can I Make a Difference?

A random act of kindness, a cup of cold water, a hug to a lonely lady, a visit to the elderly, a phone call to a distant friend; just a single act can affect the lives of many.

I have a dear friend who was deeply touched by the distaster and devastation in Japan. She and her kids created a book, donating all of the proceeds for the children of Japan. Out of her own compassion and desire to make a difference she is doing something for someone else, www.asmallgift4awish.com.

How do you remove yourself from your own world and have a bigger vision for the needs around you? This past week our family was part of  Stop World Hunger, packing meals for children in other countries. By actually serving, our kids were part of seeing the fact that there are many children around the world who don't have food or very little of what is given to them. There are over 300 verses in the bible that talking about providing for the poor. I don't really believe though that people just have physical needs to make them poor.

I look around me and there are so many hurting people, hurting marriages, broken families. When I see a need right in front of me, am I so busy or caught up in my daily routine that I can't see it, or do I make a conscious choice to stop and help meet that person's need? Sometimes I get so distracted that I don't even see a need in my own family. How many times do I stop and pray for the lost, those who are losing their homes and businesses in our very own state in this massive fire? Do I continue to remember and pray for the families who have lost their homes in the recent tornados?

We have another friend who just lost his wife a few days ago. People will remember him in the coming days and for a couple weeks to come. But will they remember him in the months and years to come, adjusting to the life of being a single dad? We have short attention spans, thinking and praying for people in the short term but if the problem lingers for months and years to come, those people who have experienced loss are forgotten while they rebuild their homes, schools, lives after the tragedy they have faced. Loss and trials in our own lives helps us to be more compassionate, more giving, more serving to others.

So how can we make a difference? When you have a passion or have emphathy for someone that God brings into your path and tells you to serve them in some way, listen. Give of your time and financial resources, just get involved. One person can affect the lives of many. When you read the New Testatment I am so in awe that Jesus wasn't just one who talked, there were actions behind His words. He healed the sick, He fed the thousands, He washed his disciples feet. I think we are also called not to just "talk" but also to physically "serve".

What has God laid on your heart to do to make a difference in the lives around you???

22 Years+

For this reason a man will leave is father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh....Each one of of you must also love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. Ephesians 5:31-33

People have asked us over the years how we have made it this far when divorce is such a huge part of our culture and the statistics are against us! The first thing that comes from our lips is that when we first got married, we committed that we would never use the "D" word, no matter what came up. If divorce is not an option then no matter what trials come along, a solution must be found. For everyone there are peaks and valleys. If someone tells you there has never been a dispute, then one person is always compromising.

It takes two to make a relationship and two to break a relationship. I've had friends and family that have gone into the marriage saying that if it didn't work out, there was a way out. That kind of relationship is doomed from the start because there is an exit strategy already built in. Without a firm resolve and commitment to stay, a marital relationship is a fragile thing. The second reason for staying is the destruction that follows to family and friends when a divorce happens.

The biggest losers in a divorce are the children, if there are any. At first glance, kids seem to be unscathed. Over the years though, it takes a big toll, bouncing from one house to another, multiple partners with mom and dad, multiple grandparents, blended families, children from another family. It is all so complicated even in the best of circumstances. For the most part, I have never been witness to a divorce that wasn't complicated, with bad feelings on either side. When it is said and done, not only is divorce financially tolling, but everyone suffers emotionally, especially the children for years to come. Furthermore, I think about the example that we are setting and the role models that we are, forming our children's impressions of what to look for in a future spouse. If we opt for divorce, then I am giving them a free pass to do the same. If they witness our resolve to stay, then they will think about committing to stay as well.

Many of my friends, have walked this path, some not by their own choice. We prayed for restoration, instead we were participants in God's graciousness for mankind to have free will in their choices. This sometimes means a spouse having to let go! There is redemption and forgiveness in wrong choices with repentance. However, with that redemption comes everlasting consequences and much of that involves complicated futures for every member of a family who has experienced divorce.

So my last response to especially my children is, God's way is the least complicated. He intended us to make a wise choice for who we choose as a life partner and then we decide to honor our vows, not only before man but in an oath we made before God. Having a good marriage takes work on both people's part. Life is ever changing and our spouse is always changing. Even with all of the changes, I think I would rather stay with what I know then what I don't know. Many people make graver choices the second time around and life is worse than what they had the first time. One of the biggest ways to stay married is to have a forgiving heart. Everyone makes mistakes and no one is perfect.

We are only responsible for ourselves and what we can change, with God's help. But we are commanded to love our neighbor as ourself, which also includes my spouse. That includes loving him the way God created him to be and extending grace to him in his weaknesses. It is the same in our relationship with God. He loves us and forgives us in our shortcomings. He uses our spouses to refine us into His image. Our spouse is the one who knows us best...There are no masks or hiding on our worst days. When you live side by side there is no hiding from the truth, they see us in all circumstances. Paul and I have made a conscious choice to stay married and to love and support each other in this journey called life.

I thank God for the man that God gave me to share life with. He challenges me to be a better person and to fulfill my purpose here on earth. He often sees life from a different perspective than I do and I truly do appreciate his wisdom and discernment in so many ways.

If you are married, have you committed to stay???

Patriotism is still Alive

I Pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible with liberty and justice for all!

While sitting at Abby's 8th grade graduation, I couldn't help but notice how many adults weren't reciting the Pledge of Allegiance or even paying the simple respect of holding their right hand over their hearts! I was quite dismayed at the lack of luster for what once was an unspoken rule, a simple respect, a love for a country that has given so much to each individual.

And then, this past Friday something amazing happened before my very eyes, hope for the future generations behind us...As we were dropping off Abby at summer school, the flag was flying and the wind was waving the stripes straight out in front of us. Dylan with his innocent inquisitions said to me, "Mommy, is a flag supposed to be torn and tattered like that?" My response was "Dylan let's go ask your cub scout leader what is proper for a school or public institution as they display the public flag."

As we pulled in front of Mr. McMeans house, Dylan confidently asked, "Mr. McMeans is it proper for a school to display a tattered flag?" Mr. McMeans response was "No, it should be retired." We talked about purchasing a new flag for Abby's new school and Mr. McMeans told us that the cubscout troop would be happy to perform a retiring ceremony for the flag. Thank you Lord for institutions like the Cub Scouts and the Girl Scouts who teach boys and girls how to love their country and to be good citizens.

Maybe in the future generation the respect and love for America will return and maybe at my son's graduation I will see more parents reciting the Pledge of Allegiance and paying their respects to a symbol that stands for One Nation Under God. Could it be that's the problem with our lack of respect, not just a lack of respect for America, but for the foundations of how our country was founded...The beginning of wisdom, is the Fear of God!