Freedom isn't Free

You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature, rather serve one another in love. The entire law is summed up in a single command: Love your neighbor as yourself. Galations 5:13-14

For hundreds of years, men and women have given their lives and sacrificed much to preserve the right to be free; freedom of speech, freedom of religion, the right to choose what I believe. They have served my generation as well as the generations previous to ours. For some of us, war and sacrifice has never touched our lives. Some don't think about what it has cost many, hundreds of thousands; grandfathers and fathers, mothers, sons, daughters and friends.

Why do you think men and women willingly enter the military? They serve for the love of their country and like Galations says, to serve others. For generations, people have opposed war, taking a politcal stand forgetting to support the men and women behind the uniforms.

I thank God for all the people before me to the present who sacrificially serve on my behalf and yours to maintain our freedom. There are people who serve, who come back wounded, who lose their lives so I can speak freely, so I can choose the church that I want to attend. They deserve our highest respect, our prayers, our words of encouragement and thankful hearts for paying to maintain our freedoms.

In a sense, they have followed the example of Jesus. My freedom from death and my gift of eternal life wasn't free either. Someone had to pay the price in my place...Jesus with his death on the cross and His resurrection.

Take a moment to think about the people who are living out God's second greatest commandment, Love your neighbor as yourself. Whether you agree with Afghanistan or Iran, have a grateful heart for those who love those in the United States who continue to fight for our freedoms!

A Breath of Fresh Air

Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. I Thessalonians 5:16-18

Is there a difference between joy and happiness? Happiness is defined as a state of well-being and contentment or a pleasurable or satisying experience. Joy is defined as an emotion of great delight caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying. These are the world's definitions. When you pass someone and you see their smile, isn't it like a breath of fresh air? Isn't it more delightful to see smiles than frowns?

The bible's definition goes deeper than an emotion or an experience. Happiness is temporary because it is based on external circumstances. Joy is lasting because it is based on God's presence within us regardless of our circumstances. Christ wants us to be joyful. The verse in I Thessalonians says that this is God's will for us. The key is our intimate relationship with Jesus, the source of all joy. When we are in a relationship with him He provides protection and victory in our darkest valleys. He helps us rise out of our worst trials when we obediently give Him thanks even in the hard times. Although we don't "feel thankful" by finding things that we can be thankful for it brings us joy.

Joy for me today was seeing a smile on my daughter's face for the first time in a long time. There is joy for me in the feeling the warmth of the sun on my face, hearing the birds sing a song in all different pitches. There is a sea of color in my back yard with all the flowers that we planted months ago. There was joy watching Dylan hold a new puppy that was born recently and watching his tender touch as the puppy snuggled close to him. I felt joy watching a new horse run freely after having been in a confined space for a long time and watching him roll in the warm sand. I felt joy hearing my kids sing with the radio at the top of their lungs. You don't have to look very far, to find joy or to have a thankful heart for just the small things in life.

I want to live a life of obedience; I want to others to see why I have joy and hope for the future. It is because Jesus lives in me!

Living Life Abundantly through Junior High

As parents, we often want to give our children everything we didn't have. We have their best interest in mind! We want them to be healthy and happy. We want them to be free from hardships and suffering.

The past three years I learned to speak less, listen more and spend more time on my knees on Abby's behalf. At times our advice is wanted, others it is not asked for. It is a fine balance knowing which direction to turn. It was worse passing through this era of time the second time around, then when I passed through it the first time. It is far more painful to watch your child go through pain and trials then to endure it yourself. Life is much more difficult now, then when I was growing up. Kids are far more harsh, far more bold because of the life situations that they are facing. Many are from divorced homes, bouncing between two parents. Not only are they trying to figure out who they are as individuals but where do they fit in their complicated family situations. Most do not know how to process all of these complex feelings and they take it out on each other. Paul and I often comment about how cruel kids can be to each other.

I want to share, with Abby's pre-consent, a poem that she wrote for English at the end of the year. The assignment was to make a mask that represented your feelings during your experience at middle school. Then, they were to write a poem to the mask. While not everyone has experienced the trials that Abby has gone through, I want to share this with you because I think it represents what a lot of kids think during this time period...

Ode to My Hiding Place

You mask reflect, what I don’t want others to see on my face.

You have helped me hide what is happening inside of me.

For the most part, you act like a tennis shoe surrounding its lace.

At times, you make it seem like things might escape for others to see.

In the end, you protect my true personality like a phone in its case.

You are hidden beneath my appearance of joy.

You are forbidden to speak when I am filled with anger.

Help me appear happy like a small child with a brand new toy.

When I get home, you can reveal the truth, which might lead to danger.

I won’t need you forever; I won’t give others the power to destroy.

I come home and empty my head of the negative things I thought.

Most of them confusing, I can’t seem to understand.

You hide my war wounds and daily beatings of battles fought.

You help me place my feet firmly on this troubled, familiar land.

You are far more valuable to me than, a mask I could have bought.

I won’t always carry a lot of sadness or feel the need to deceive.

Even though you are faithful, you walk with me throughout the day.

You are helping me accept myself, and my need to believe,

Passing off the responses of others, making my life seem everything’s OK.

You help me see there are genuine people out there willing to give and receive.

Words have often hurt my heart and caused my soul to bleed.

You always make me feel safe, knowing what to do when you should.

There are times to be silent and times to plant a seed.

I know that some of the people I love did the best that they could.

But, You have served me better and have given me what I need.

For now, I feel the need to wave my arms with hands held high,

I will put you in a safe place to use for another rainy day.

I feel strong enough to stand without the need to sigh.

The storms already ceased, emotions need not continue to play.

You have served me well, Dear friend, Hasta Luego, Adios, Goodbye.

While I wish she didn't have these experiences, as I read her poem, I think how young we learn these coping skills. How many times as an adult has someone asked you how you are? Even if your world seems like it is crashing in around you, you cheerfully reply "Fine, everything is great." You are wearing your mask. 

Abby learned some lifetime lessons in junior high far more valuable than what caused the Vietnam war or the history of Greece. She learned how to treat those who are less fortunate than we are like the special needs kids that graduated with her class. She learned to have empathy for those who have no friends or have compassion on the nerdy boy that everyone was mocking. She learned when to speak up and when to remain silent. She learned what it was to pray and ask God to get her through another day when she felt all alone. She witnessed that God is faithful with all His promises and that He would provide a way out or a new friend to finish off the year strong. She learned to ask God to remember facts before a test and learned to give Him glory when she finished another quarter with all A's. 

My dad's statement proves true again and again, "There is no growth without fire!" Abby has been tested for the past three years. The scars and the lessons will forever be woven within her character. I believe that nothing is wasted in God's plan. She will look back on these experiences, knowing that somehow He would use these lessons as a stepping stone for His purpose for her in the future. There are no short cuts to integrity. Many times developing character comes with a costly price tag. I know that one day when the storms of life come, her roots are deeply planted in the knowledge of God's love for her and the fact that He has promised never to leave her or forsake her!  She learned to rise above her circumstances, to hold her head up high and choose joy!

What if?

Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men who have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep with him. According to the Lord's own word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left till the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that , we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever...Now, brothers about times and dates we do not need to write to you for you know very well that the day of the Lord will come like a thief in the night...I Thessalonians 4:13-5:1.

There's been so much talk of the end of the world! Rapture was predicted to come yesterday. When 3 p.m. Arizona time rolled around, we realized that we were still here, all of us! For some, they breathed a sigh of relief. Some were ready to take a nap because they had partied all night before, making light of their last day on earth. For others, there was great confusion and great disappointment! Pastor Camping had predicted the time and the date incorrectly once again and many of his followers had sold everything they had and some had even left their families for their unbelief.

While it is no surprise that Pastor Camping was incorrect in his calculations; some even mocked his predicitions or even the notion of a rapture would take place. The question we are faced with is not if, but when! No one knows, but God himself. Is it real? According to the Scripture above, the answer is yes. I think we have one thing to thank Pastor Camping for...bringing the topic of the end of the earth to our hearts and minds. Some of us, don't think about it much. Some of us are not sure it will even take place. Some of us are so busy in our day to day business that we don't give eternity much thought.

What if the rapture had come yesterday? Would you have been one who was caught up in the cloud with Jesus? Or would you have been one of many who was left behind? What are you doing to be prepared? Are you watching for Him to return or are you "asleep"? Do you have your heart right with God or there is something that hinders your relationship with Him? Do you know where you will spend eternity?

For the Love of Music

Last night was a night I will never forget!

I have been a piano teacher for over 20 years. When I first started I was so green. I had no clue how to teach or even how to deal with children, I was 20 something and didn't even have kids of my own! I left the job for many years until I started having kids.

When you first have a new student, there is a learning curve for both the student and the teacher. It takes time to build trust and confidence, it is building a relationship. There are so many different personalities and I have so many different ages. Thank goodness I have been through most of them with my own kids. We all have many moods and many differing opinions. At times music can be difficult, it is a discipline and sometimes the concepts are hard to understand and I have to be creative so each person will understand.

Each and every one of my students have taught me so much about life and how to be a better teacher. Sometimes they make mistakes, sometimes I make mistakes. In the end, what matters is what we learn from our failures and how can we be better people.

Tonight I saw some of my longest dedicated students sing and play a tribute. It was like a proud parent, watching how these small children had grown up and take on new personalities, more mature, more confident, more beautiful because you could see Jesus flowing through their voice, their fingers. I saw myself in them.

Like a parent, you invest so much of your time and energy into a person, only to help them grow and then watch them fly away. When they fly away it is like a part of your soul flies away too. So many memories went through my mind as I watched these ladies grow older from being little girls. I can't imagine how hard it will be for my own to fly out of the nest and what a empty feeling it will be. I felt a small part of that tonight in releasing two of my students. You invest, you love, you let go.

It truly is the circle of life. I had 10 new students this year, the youngest being 5. My cycle starts over and I will see the young ones grow up to be in junior high. The hard part is watching some of them quit because of other interests or lack of interest.

For me, music is truly healing to my spirit in so many ways. I can't tell you how many times in my lifetime I have had certain emotions or events take place that I went to the piano and healing took place when my fingers hit the keys. No one will ever know the joy that I feel when I play with my band on Sunday morning. It is for these reasons that I teach; for me to share the love of music with young children, a blessing to be shared.

For every student that played, it was such a proud moment for me, to hear them play so beautifully, to see the smiles and share in the successes! For me, it wasn't a performance, it was a true reflection of each individual and their creative personalities.

To Emma and Dorian, may you continue to develop into the women that God created you to be. May you fly away as confident individuals, yet firmly rooted in righteousness, never too far away from the One who created You. May you use the talents that He has given you for His glory and His Honor! And for all of those students behind them, I will enjoy my moments with you and enjoy watching you grow up too. I am thankful that I don't have to let all of you go at the same time!

A Year Older: Reflections

Yes, I just had another year pass me by. For me it was a time to reflect and think about so many people who have been a part of my life. The first 30 years of my life were a lot about me. I thought about how I would build a career, build a marriage, get a house, live life to its fullest.

The next decade was more about living life for family. We started a family and began to learn what it was to live life sacrificially. A lot of time I spent living in the past, trying to figure out who I was and how I got to the place where I was. There was a lot of family analyzations and self introspection.

This past year the Lord has brought me through a place of quiet acceptance. I have accepted that everyone is created uniquely, different, for a purpose. I have learned to accept others just as they are, regardless of what my expectations are for them or how I think they should think or react. Everyone has their own set of issues, baggage from the past; everyone is human, but loved by the same Heavenly Father that I have. It changes your perspective of people and it gives me a freedom to love without conditions. Because God gives me grace on a daily basis, He expects me to extend it to others just the same!

On my birthday, my page was flooded with words of kindness, love and compassion. As I looked through the list I was in awe of all the people that I have been touched by through the years. Some I haven't seen in many years. I loved them deeply and then time and distance created a gap. Some of my dear friends shared very happy years with me in high school, and in college. Some friends were there when we were first married. Some were there when we first started our careers. Some family members have always been there through the good times and the bad times. Some have been mentors, teachers, people who taught me what it looks like to be mature in the faith. Some friends were there when we had growing pains of being new parents. As I look back on my life, I am totally astounded by how many Godly people have surrounded me from the time I was a little girl. How blessed I am to be from a family tree of pastors and missionaries.

I am so blessed to have been in church life my whole life. I don't know anything different. But something changed in me this year. Attending church and working as a volunteer was always something you just did. It was an expectation put on us, a ritual, part of the legalism that we were brought up with.

Something changed in my heart and mind this year which changes my perspective of how I want to live my life in the remaining days, weeks, months, years that I have left here on this earth. No longer is my life about me. Now it is about what can I give?

How can I be Jesus in the flesh to someone else? It once was being a performer, loving the lights and the center stage. I enjoy being a servant now. I'm not to the point where I could wash just anyone's feet, but I am sure He is slowly molding my heart to get to that place one day! Oh to know Him more, to be more like Him. Although I am a work in progress and often am imperfect, it is my highest desire to point others to Him! To God be the Glory, great things He has done. How richly blessed I am, with everyone He has given me to walk this journey called life!

Loving My Life

This weekend I got to experience what it was like to live abundantly. We started the day with a family bike ride yesterday. To enjoy the sun and the breeze as we rode, made the exercise seem enjoyable. Although we didn't have a gourmet breakfast like Paul often makes for us on Mother's Day, I truly enjoyed the fact that everyone was able to relax and just enjoy each other's company.

In the afternoon, Paul took Abby to the ranch and I spent the afternoon with Dylan at the community pool. I sat with a magazine and my ipod listening to songs that I love and have great meaning to me. I watched all the families around me swimming and having snacks just enjoying being together. We went to the pool because the day before I had promised Dylan that we would spend a few hours at the pool. We didn't make it to the pool because I was at the mall with Abby and we had gone over our allotted time needed to take Dylan to the pool.

Although I often try to keep my word and all the dates and promises that I make to the kids, I often remind them that my first priority is their dad. He took me to a special dinner on Saturday, after my trip to the mall and we spent the evening together. It was such a beautiful night on the patio and I had such a great time just spending quiet moments with him.

Our life is so full, work, track meets and bible studies, horseback lessons and school projects and commitments to family and outings with friends...The list goes on forever. How blessed I was to just stop and take time just to enjoy each member of my family this weekend one by one.

I often remind myself that I was a wife first, then I became a mom. Every person needs undivided attention and focus, knowing that they hold a very unique, special place in my heart, not because they are my spouse, or my child but because I love them dearly because of who they are. Since we will be home more this summer, this weekend will live on. Each person will have one on one time and time together and collectively just enjoying being together. I know in the back of my mind and in my heart, these days will not last forever. My kids are temporarily on loan to me. In the meantime, a relationship with my spouse will remain when everyone is gone. Spending time together, working together, building common interests will make life later more abundant.

Today, I look back, thanking God for allowing me to enjoy great days. How blessed I am to be surrounded by such great people who encourage me to be the best I can be.

Celebrating My Matriarchs

I am blessed to still have my 90 year old grandma with us on this earth, my mom and mother in law. In thinking about them the past couple of days, although they are all unique individuals and have travelled different roads through life, they have some common traits.

While my grandma Mary has been one of the greatest grandma's on the entire planet and a great mom, the thing that stands out is the legacy she leaves in being a devoted wife, a common thing between my matriarchs. Grandma has truly been a servant to my grandpa for 70 years. Although she is heavily medicated, has lost her memory, she still asks him what his preference is, thinks about him more than herself if she thinks about basic needs like hunger. Today I watched her as she could barely stay awake. When she came out of her slumber, she looked out the window, with a smile on her face, watching the birds and flowers outside of their window, enjoying the simple beauty in God's creation. Grandma has always been like that, she never asked for much or complained about her place in life, or my grandpa, she just joyfully always provided delicious meals and hospitable service with a smile to everyone who came through their door.

My mom, spent many years in the lime light and in the fish bowl as a pastor's wife. She was always kind and pleasant to those around her and was deeply devoted to my dad. My dad was a devoted follower of Christ and always spoke the truth of the Word of God. Often he stepped on toes and caused people to feel uncomfortable in their life choices, knowing that they went against what the Bible had to say. There were a couple of times that churches kicked my dad out. My mom stood behind my dad with reassuring words, prayers and guarded his heart as he was looking for a new place to serve. Sometimes rumors would be passed around that held no truth, yet she stood by his side. She spent most of her life being a help mate to my dad. To this day, even after 8 years since he has passed she still speaks of him with respect and honor just as she did when he was here.

My mother in law has always been a devoted wife, mom and grandma. She too was a pastor's wife and went through experiences like my mom. She has always been a steady emotional person, unwavering in her faith or devotion to her family. She has always faced the storms of life with grace and dignity and holds firmly to the faithfulness of God and His promises. She has taught me a lot about unconditional love and listening to others without judgment, while I went through times of rebellion and questioning what I believed in my early years. It was her quiet spirit that drew me back to what I knew was true.

She has truly been an awesome grandma too. Although we live miles apart, she has done her best to be a part of the lives of our kids, helping them with school work in the summer, shooting squirt guns, picking berries, making gingerbread houses, attending horse shows and basketball games. She has given us the gift of her time and always makes it a point to talk to everyone on the phone.

How blessed I have been to have these women as part of my life all of these years. We watch those who are ahead of us in the journey called life and although many times little is said, the way they live speaks louder than what they could ever say. How blessed I have been and each day that they remain is a gift to us!

The Best Job Ever

Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. Proverbs 22:6

I spent the first 6 years of my life after college in an office. I worked myself up in the corporate realm as a graphic designer and when it was all said and done, when I heard that Paul and I were going to be parents, our life would be forever changed. Looking back, it all seemed so irrelevant, trivial, without meaning. To some, the proposals and accounts won were everything. To me it was meaningless. What was a project going to change? How would it make a difference in the world? For my company, we would make money and supposedly for the client they would save money. But in the end, did it change the lives of others? It sure didn't change mine, in fact, for everyone I worked with, it seemed like the projects were sucking the life out of everyone around me!

Becoming a parent was different. It changed my outlook on life. Now we had direction. We would now be responsible for the life of another helpless human being; providing for the physical, emotional and spiritual needs of someone who couldn't provide for themselves. We took our jobs very seriously making us evaluate our own lives, our own belief systems. Some people think that it is their job to mold their children into "mini-me's". That hasn't been our philosophy through the years. It has been our response to teach our children to find their own strengths and weaknesses and help them be the best that they know how to be. They say that a parent's work is never finished. It is an unending job to walk alongside them through the various stages of life. How much the child asks for from the parent depends on how much the parent invests into the relationship with the child through the years.

I have examples of parents all around me. All of them are human, trying their best. Some don't have much to give. They didn't have great role models to learn from and some don't have the drive to read, to study, to join groups to teach them how to be better parents than what they had. I have been blessed from the very start. I joined a young MOM's group at the church we attended. From the very beginning I was surrounded by Godly women who modelled what it looked like to be a mom full of grace and love.

I read countless books written by Godly men and women who talked about how to balance law and rules with love and mercy. There are thousands of books written about parenting. They are all different but our generation is not lacking in wisdom or training. If you seek to be a good parent and you look for help we are blessed abundantly. One of the best couples we have ever known who model Christ-like parenting is Tim and Darcy Kimmel. They were our Sunday School teachers for many years. We have read all of their books. Their four adult children are a living testimony of grace-based parenting. We strongly believe in and support their ministry called Family Matters because their hearts are about training and equipping young parents how to train their children in how they should go.

Our daughter Abigail and our son Dylan, are truly two of the greatest gifts God has ever blessed us with. They bring us so much joy and they truly challenge us to be the best people we know how to be. From the start we have always claimed that we are human, we make mistakes, we will at times not do things perfectly, but we will do our best to make things right when we do fail and disappoint them. We have spent countless hours reading them Bible stories, studying for school, listening to their problems, sharing in their victories, attending church together, creating yearly traditions and memories on family vacations. At the end of my life, I will feel successful as a mom, if my kids grow up loving God with all their heart, souls and minds and if they learn to love others. Being a parent is the best job that God has given me! I praise Him for Paul and I to have been chosen to raise Abby and Dylan!

Stuff

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Matthew 6:21

For many, they gain pleasure and importance by the car they drive, the house they live in, how they dress, how their friends appear, what organizations they belong to, how they achieve success. Sucess is measured in what you have, not who you are.

This philosophy is a perspective of just material things. It has little meaning for me. It is temporary. My dad used to say, "the day you die, as they transport your body, people will not see a uhaul behind your hearst. You can't take it with you".

On Saturday, I was again reminded of how short life is. I played for a funeral of a man who died of cancer at the age of 53, leaving behind his 14 and 10 year old daughters. It was said of him that he was a good father, a loyal husband, had an excellent work record, he set goals and attained them, he was a good friend. There was no mention of all the things he had, but who he was as a person. In summary of all who spoke, he was a good man. However, in the tribute, there wasn't one word even breathed about God, except from the words of our pastor. That is what life looks like from a human perspective. It was the saddest funeral I have ever attended! Life looks empty and void without a creator, without Jesus, without an eternal perspective.

I have wrestled in the past about the rich ruler in the New Testament found in Matthew 19. He asked Jesus what would it take for him to have eternal life. Jesus said in verse 21, If you want to be perfect, go sell your possessions and give it to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me. Then he said, I tell you the truth it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.

The rich man wanted to serve both wealth and God. Material things often diverts our attention away from the things of God and leads us to trust in our own ability and merit to provide for our own needs, keeping us from trusting Him for our daily bread. As days go by, I struggle less with the things I have for everything that I have is meaningless. There are days when I wish I could go back to the days of having very little and living a simple life. When we were first married, we lived on less than $300 a month. Life didn't have a lot of extras or luxuries, but things weren't complex. It was a simple trust for daily bread, waiting for him to provide. In the past year, I have been convicted many times about using our resources to help others and not being so consumed with consuming.

A dear friend and I were talking today about how ugly people can become when someone dies or is close to dying and families have to divide the assets. Families become divided yelling, accusing each other of things that often don't even exist. Tempers flare, people think they are entitled and divisions leave relationships unrepairable all over stuff that is temporary. It happens over and over even to families where people call themselves Christ followers. In the end, you stand back and observe and think, was it so important for individuals to think so much of themselves, that in reality, they didn't even buy or work for any of the things that their parents had owned. They forget the second commandment, "Love your neighbor as yourself." Death and the settling of an estate brings out the worst side of human beings!

In recent days I've been asking myself, what do I treasure? What means the most to me? If I knew I had only a few months left, how would I live my life? Would it be checking off my own bucket list? Would it be fulfilling my own dreams? How would I invest my time and life? When was the last time you thought about how many days you have here left on this earth? What do you want people to say about you?

I treasure most my family and the people who are true friends. Most people don't have many. Most people are either acquaintances or friends of convenience. Few would drop everything in an instance to be there in the worst of circumstances. In essence, I am saying it is people that have eternal significance to me. To know someone beneath the surface and know that they love Jesus is how I want to invest my time and life. I can't take my stuff with me, but how many people can I take with me? That is where my treasure lies!!!

What do you treasure in your heart?