Lessons from My Back Seat Driver

Walk What You Talk is my motto. I am called into accountability so many times for this motto. It happened over the weekend. Paul and I have had this fun thing over the years when we are driving separate cars. We usually meet up at some stop light and try to see who can be the first one to get home. Some wonder where our daughter gets her silent want to win from. She comes by it naturally...

We got to the last light and Paul rolled down his window and was trying to talk to me. I couldn't hear what he was saying very well, but much to my chagrin he is trying to tell me that our friends are in front of him. The light turns green and I "clear my tail pipe out" as Dylan so often says. I love the sound of my engine, it's the sweet sound of victory. I feel so proud, until I hear the phone ring. It is the sound of my infinitely confident husband delivering a message to me that I have indeed won the contest. However, my losing opponent is our dear friends. The entire family is in the car behind me staring at my license plate screaming that we attend the same school as their daughter.

All night I see the finger of my daughter waving at me in glaring shame and I hear the voice from the back seat of my car, so proud of his mama's victory. It then dawns on me, as I am restless trying to fall asleep that in less than a year I will have a driving daughter. I will see her friends pulling in and out of our subdivision. How can I ask my daughter not to do the things that she has witnessed me do behind the wheel of the car where she is sitting in the back seat? All of us parents are deemed guilty by our offsprings. We ask them to restrain from doing certain things, or talking a certain way or asking them to do things that they don't see us doing. It is very true that our actions speak louder than words. Do what I say, not as I do. Unfortunately, our kids watch our every deed and hear all of our words. There is no fooling them. If we are not careful, they will grow up and follow in our footsteps.

So looking back on that cool Saturday night, I sadly hung up my racing jacket in hopes that in the next year, I will be a better role model for the next generation of drivers and will teach my kids that winning is not a sweet endeavor if you are putting someone you love in jeopardy, whether it is in our own car, or someone sitting next to us.

 Are we living a life worthy of someone else repeating? That is the question I daily ask myself.

Get a life!

When you are content to simply be yourself and don't compare or compete, everybody will respect you.
Lao Tzu

We spend our entire lives comparing ourselves to someone else. It starts when we are little. That boy is taller than I am and he can run so much faster. My friend has long straight hair, I wish I didn't have curly hair and freckles. That girl has perfect handwriting and is the teacher's pet, I wish I could be as popular as her. That boy has 10 pairs of basketball shoes and is the coach's favorite player, he never has to sit the bench.

When we start our first career, we compare ourselves in the workplace. That woman always get the best projects and I have to do the tasks that no one else wants to do. That man is paid a higher salary than I am and I've been working here longer. I wish we could have our neighbors' car. It is so fast and sleek. We are tired of living in an apartment. If only we could live in that big house on the mountain with all that land. My friend dresses with so much elegance, if only I had her style. I wish we could have as many catored parties as our neighbors do.

And then, we have kids. From the very first moment, moms and dads are comparing their kids. My child starting rolling over at two months. My child's first tooth came in at three months. Our son is so smart he started speaking at his first birthday party. What preschool do you think we should enroll our two year old? We've been reading to him since he was in his mamma's womb? We are going to test our five year old to go into the gifted program. We are certain she will be the smartest one in her class.

Our middle schooler is so popular. She is playing soccer on the competitive league. I know that the scouts are going to start watching her soon. She is also in National Honor Society Club and in voluteer organizations after school. Our son is going to make quarterback on the varsity team as a freshman I just know it...

It is in our nature to look at the lives of others, how they dress, where they live, how their children behave or don't behave. Why do we do this as a society? If we have our eyes fixed on someone else, then we don't have to reflect on who we are as individuals. My focus should be on how I can become a person of character, or pursue my goals and ambitions or how I can serve others. My talents, gifts and where I am in life will always be different than what my friend has been given. I have imperfections in one area, yet strengths in others that someone else might not have. My children are different than the kids next door. Everyone person has different personalities with different parents whose parenting styles are unique.  God wants us to embrace our differences and understand that we are all created as one of a kind for a specific purpose.

The sooner that we realize how we need have an attitude of gratitude, as my son says, for what and who we have been given, the more joy we will experience and we will stop wishing to live in someone else's shoes or wear shoes just like theirs!

Don't Tempt Me

There have been so many tv shows, cartoons and things said about having the devil on your shoulder or the good angel and the bad angel trying to get you to do the wrong thing or the right thing. Do you think any of these things really exist???

God has placed within us, since we were small children a conscience. We know right from wrong, the question is who are we going to listen to. Satan is real. He is in a constant battle with God for our souls. He disguises himself as an angel of light, however everything he does and is represents darkness. Everything he wants you to get involved in looks like fun, full of pleasure, giving you satisfaction but it is all just temporary. In the end, you are hooked, addicted, making you feel guilt and shame and it brings you far away from God.

How does he hook us? Temptations...It's plain and simple. In Matthew Chapter 4 we read the account of when Jesus started his ministry He himself was tempted three times. Jesus had been in the desert for 40 days. He was hungry and tired. Satan told him to turn stones into bread. Could he have done that? Yes, Jesus was God. He was asking him to use His power as a human. I think Satan was creating doubt in Jesus' mind, will God truly provide for my needs? Jesus' response was "Man does not live by bread alone but on every word from the mouth of God."

The second temptation was "Throw yourself off the mountain if you are God and the angels will save you?" Jesus' response was "Do not put the Lord your God to the test!" Satan was daring God to rescue Jesus. What was the purpose in this one you might ask? Will God protect you and save you?

The third tempation was "If you will bow down to me I will give you all of the Kingdoms on earth to you." Are you kidding me? Who created the earth in the first place? Were the kingdoms on earth his to give away? Jesus' response was my favorite. He said, "Away from me Satan, worship the Lord your God, and serve Him only." This verse is also a mirror of Deuteronomy 6:16, which says, Fear the Lord your God, serve Him only.

Do you see how ludicrous Satan is with Jesus? He is planting doubts, offering the world to Him when He truly full of smoke and mirrors. He is truly the author of all lies. What did he say to Adam and Eve when they wanted to eat off of the Tree of Good and Evil, "You will be like God, if you eat this."He is offering man what he has no power to give. In every one of his lies, there is no power or authority.

Jesus took on human form so he would understand what it was like to be human. He experienced being tired and hungry, stressed and overwhelmed from daily life. Satan doesn't tempt us to make wrong choices when we are well rested, full of joy and surrounded by other people who love Jesus. He gets to us when we are alone and worn down.

We have a choice to make concerning who we will listen to when we are making choices for our lives. You can't sit on the fence. We all have a choice to listen to the voices sitting upon our shoulders. Which one do you listen to? The voice that brings life, or the voice that will bring you into destruction? The next time you are caught at a crossroad, remember Jesus' words, "Away from me Satan, worship the Lord your God and serve Him only." He will flee if you remember the words of Jesus!

You choose!

Bad Apples

Have you ever stopped to think who is in your family tree? Every family seems to have "the perfect one", "the favored one", the "black sheep". Do you have these kinds of people in your family lineage? Which kind of person would you label yourself?

I have read through the lineage of Jesus several times. Usually it is a quick scan, when I say quick, I  mean at a frightening pace, until just recently. In studying the book of Matthew with a few of my friends, I realized that the geneology or family tree of Jesus wasn't just a list of people that I didn't know. Actually his family tree includes 46 people whose life times span 2000 years. The people that God chose to be in His family tree is quite revealing. Some interesting characters are:

Heroes of the Faith: Abraham, Isaac, and Ruth. Ruth was a stranger or foreigner from another land.
Ordinary People like: Hezron, Ram, Nashon and Akim. Have you ever heard of them? Me neither.
Evil Kings: Manasseh and Abijah
Women of Less than Desirable Pass Times: Rahab a Caananite and prostitute and Tamar.

Why do I find this interesting? When you think of Jesus' grandparents, great grandparents, great great grandparents, I would picture them being Godly, full of love and grace having committed very few mistakes, for they are the ones that would someday produce God's Son, Jesus.

In reality, God used all kinds of people to bring Jesus here to earth. He used some pretty bad apples. God's history is not limited by our human failures and our ability to be sinful. He used EVERYONE, good and bad to accomplish His will in bringing Jesus to earth as a human baby. Jesus was conceived through a virgin, Mary because Jesus had to be free from sinful nature that passed down through his family tree, beginning with the very first sinners, Adam and Eve.

What is my point? God uses even the worst of sinners, to fulfill His plan. He is a God of love, grace and redemption. There is nothing that man can do to thwart His plans. This is an important message because so many families are going to gather together for two imporant holidays coming up; Thanksgiving and Christmas. These holidays can bring joy and sometimes frustration and pain.

Sometimes God places bad apples in our family lineage to bring out the worst in us for a purpose. Often He uses people in our families to refine us, to bring our weaknesses to the surface so He can purify us to be more like Him. He also uses them to teach us that sometimes the ones closest to us can teach us the true meaning of Love Your Neighbor as yourself. The next time you want to remove the bad apples from your family gatherings remember that God has put them in your path for a divine reason. The question we should ask God is, What are you trying to teach me? Please teach me to Love My Neighbor as myself...

Hi Dear

It's what my sweet grandma would say to me as I walked into the room the last months of her life. She knew I some how belonged to her but she couldn't place my name or why I belonged to her because she had battled with Dementia for the past six years of her life. How blessed we were that it had been only four or five months when she didn't remember us by name. We would sit by her side going over photo albums with her of her family so she wouldn't forget us.

We watched her slowly slip away, her eyes became glazed over, her face drawn until she became bed ridden in her last few weeks, and then she was in a medicated coma. It has been almost two weeks now since she slowly slipped away. Her service was nice and everyone talked about memories that they had shared. I didn't speak, there were no words. I sat in silence, looking out over the desert thinking about how many times I had sat by her side and how much I would miss her.

Sometimes we didn't say much. She loved to do word searches. So do I. I would find all of the words that she couldn't find. I haven't talked really much about her until now. I learned when my father died that I can turn the emotions off and turn them back on at a later date.

I'm not sure which is worse, losing someone instantly without notice like my dad, or watching someone suffer slowly, grieving over them each day, every visit, with each last belabored breath slowly watching them fade away, until it is like they are there in body only and their spirit is already gone. Death is cruel either way you choose it. I'm not sure if is the process of death and all that it entails that is worse or people rehashing old grievances, splitting assets, and planning funerals. I think death tends to bring out the worst in families. Some people get hung up on things; who should get what. Frankly, all of that tends to make me cringe.

The worst part of death for me is the void that you feel from the relationship existing no more. If you know that person and you love them for who they are, you feel a separation. My grandparents have been with us for almost every holiday since 1994. My kids looked forward to having them over. How blessed my kids were to be raised with great grandparents watching them open their birthday presents and seeing their Easter baskets and watching them play with their Christmas presents. They heard grandpa's prayers before each meal and heard him read the Christmas Story many times before they opened their presents. They sat with GG grammy watching tv and playing Scrabble with her, it was her and my favorite game. I grew up playing games with her when we would go on vacations to the cabin in the Upper Penisula as a child. I helped her wash dishes after meals in her tiny kitchen in Michigan. I even lived with her one summer while I was in high school. We would sit on the porch in the summers and eat watermelon until the mosquitos would run us in the house.

My grandma wasn't a touchy feely kind of person, but she knew how to show me love. She always listened to me without judging me and never said an unkind word about anyone even when she was treated unfairly. She was one of three people who taught me what it is to love someone unconditionally! My life will never be the same now that she is gone, my grandpa's life will not be the same either. They were married 72 years and he is still here with us at 92. I pray that his days are numbered. It is so lonely for him to be here without her.

I'm really kind of envious that she reached the pearly gates first, although she paid her dues here at 91, she did all she could with us. She was a true Proverbs 31 women and she brought honor to my grandfather all of her days, she raised her children well; basically living her entire existence for her family. She spent her life here as a servant; cleaning, cooking, serving at funerals and church dinners, feeding strangers and those in the ministry. She truly had the gift of hospitality, all without complaint. I never heard her ask for more, bigger or better of anything. She was a true woman of contentment and thanksgiving for all that she had. In reflecting her life, I find that I can do so much better in so many areas of my life. Although she never had fame or fortune, she was truly simple in all that she was and all that she did. She exemplified Gods two greatest commandments: Love God and Love your neighbor as Yourself.

Grandma, please wait for me. I am looking forward to the day when you will meet me outside the gates and I hear your voice, "Hi Dear. I'm so glad you are home!"

Walking a Tight Rope

It's been a long time since I blogged last...

Life tends to take us on many different journeys. My days have been filled with work; being a wife and a mother and often I feel like I'm torn between many worlds. I always want to do all things well and sometimes I feel like I'm not doing anything well.

I have so much joy doing so many things. I have been told many times recently that I have ADD. I think I happen to agree although it didn't appear as much when I was growing up. I was a great student and had excellent focus in my musical studies.

Now I find that I consistently do random things, having random thoughts and often I am speaking, driving and eating at a glacial pace. I forget where I put my keys, my sunglasses, my purse, my cell phone. Sometimes I have to run back into the house three or four times before I drive away. In my moments of scatteredness, I have learned to breath a word of prayer asking God for his help.

Sometimes I think my days are numbered and I want to fit everything in. I used to plan on what was going to happen in the next weeks and months ahead. Now my days are so full, I am forced to live just one day at a time. I think God likes us to live that way, living in the moment....Planning and preparation is good and necessary for many things. But I am learning that because I can only live one day at a time, I have to rely on Him more for the smallest of details. When it seems impossible to accomplish one more thing, He seems to clear the way for me! A couple of years ago I had a full year when I was not very busy. The kids were in school full time, I didn't have much work, and I had really no ministries that I was a part of. That year, He taught me so much about "Be still, and know that I am God.

He knew it was not in my personality to sit still. I find it hard to sit in silence for even just 10 minutes without my mind wandering or my feet staying in a still position. What I learned though is that He knows it is hard for me to be still. He knows I am consistently wanting to be busy, being useful to help someone else. He created me to be this way. He is teaching me humility in my randomness when I forget to return a phone call or email. I have forgotten to have lunch with a sweet friend more than once. I am finding that in my weaknesses He gives me strength and the ability to say I am sorry when I let someone down. There is freedom knowing that He has created me with strengths and weaknesses and I know that HE is God, I am not. I have so much faith and confidence that He is in control of my life that even in my scatteredness there isn't anything that takes Him by surprise. The best part of my life though is knowing that He loves me unconditionally even when I don't do everything well.

Some would say, put less in your day, say no more often, prioritize your life, and organize your world. I am working on all of these great suggestions, and yet, there is something satisfying about walking the tight rope. My favorite saying is one that my husband says often "You can sleep when you are dead." If I am doing all the things that I love, I think at some point the Lord will show and remove from me the things that He wants me to give up. Until then, I will ask the Lord to use my life each day to show the Love of Jesus to others on all sides surrounding the tight rope.