February...The LOVE Month
Do you know what God's Two Greatest Commandments were of all times?
Love, the Lord God with all Your Heart, Soul and Mind and Love Your Neighbor as Yourself.
Conditional Love loves a person's behavior or performance more than a person's character. Unconditional love accepts and loves the person for who they are; strengths as well as weaknesses. This kind of love encourages their spouse to become a better person, affirming their value and worth.
Love is a verb, some dictionaries describe it as an emotion or feeling. While it is that, it is more an act of the will, we don't HAVE to love, we choose to love. In marriage, it is a choice to STAY married through the good times as well as the bad times.
I Corinthians 13 describes love better than any quote or article the world has to offer. Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than self. Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. Love doesn't strut, doesn't boast or isn't proud, doesn't force itself on others, isn't always "me first". Love doesn't fly off the handle, keep score of the wrongs committed against us, doesn't revel when others grovel, takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, puts up with anything. Love trusts God always, always looks for the best in others, never looks back, but keeps going to the end. Love never dies.
Wow, that is a long list. It almost seems beyond our reach or our human capabilities. Without following the First Greatest Commandment, I can absolutely guarantee that it will be beyond your human resources.
What are some of the things that people look for in a marriage?
Acceptance - being warmly loved and received without conditions
Connection - being united at an emotional and physical level
Understanding - everyone wants someone to listen, to be heard and understood
Respect - Every man wants to be honored and appreciated
Validation - being able to express your thoughts and opinions without being evaluated or judged
Worth - feeling important to the other person
Honor - feeling like a priceless treasure
Support - being cared for in times of sickness, doubts, tiredness
Approval - being liked for who I am not who you think I should be
Affection - being touched, or words of affirmation
Some of you are living on top of the world and life and love couldn't be better. Celebrate the good times! Enjoy each other's company. Have lots of sex! Enjoy taking trips and being adventurous on dates! Take lots of pictures for others to see how happy you are! Freeze the moments and memories in your mind!
What if things aren't all that you would love them to be though? EVERYONE at some point will be in the valley!!! The only person that you can change is YOU! So many people get married thinking they can change the other person! That is such flawed thinking. As life progresses we ALL change! I have said so many times, "I am not my husband's Holy Spirit". This means if I sit nagging on his shoulder begging him to change, it will only agitate him, it won't spur towards change. The only person that I have the power to change, including my thoughts, my attitudes, and my actions is me!
If you find yourself in a place of discontentment, take the time to focus on all the things that you see in your spouse that you are thankful for. One day I sat down and wrote a list and off the top of my head in 15 minutes came up with a list of 60 character traits, that day wasn't a great one by the way! They were qualities like: loyalty, honesty, adventurous, full of wisdom and common sense, persevering, faithful, responsible, full of integrity, disciplined, a great father, fun, finds the best deals and the list went on and on.
The greatest gift you can give your spouse is to always speak the best about him or her to someone else in their absence as well as in their presence. Always keep a confidence. Don't go to bed angry, resolve your conflicts quickly, don't sweep them under the rug. Forgive 70x7, over and over again, don't bring up past conflicts. Choose your battles wisely, let the others go. Learn to live within your means so that your household is less stressful. Spend time together, go on dates once in awhile, with friends as well as alone. Find a common interest that you can do together. Encourage the other person to do things for themselves like lunch with a friend or going to a game. When you hit a rough spot, find outside support that believes in the sacredness of marriage and working things out. Listen to wise counsel. Say I love you daily and allow your kids to see you showing affection to each other. Do kind deeds for your spouse often. The greatest gift of all is praying for your partner. You can pray for things such as avoiding outside temptations, handling finances well, cultivating strong character qualities, being a good parent, choosing friends wisely, having a balance life, and growing in their faith with God.
So many people today believe that we have the "right to be happy". We are all human and we will not always be happy! God doesn't promise that to anyone. Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas says "Man's view of marriage is that we will maintain our marriage as long as our earthly comforts, desire and expectations are met. God's view of marriage is that we preserve our marriage because it brings glory to God and it points the world to a God of reconciliation.
Are you willing to just settle for just getting by in marriage or do you long for the Abundant Life? What things do you need to change to be a better helpmate? Have both you and your spouse committed to "staying" no matter what circumstances may come along? What kind of legacy do you want to leave your kids, grandkids and generations to come?
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