Love Your Parents as Yourself

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother which is the first commandment with a promise that is may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth. Ephesians 6:1-3

I have often heard it said that the first verse, obey your parents is when you are growing up as a child and then a teenager. Honor your father and mother is when you are an adult and your parents are aging.

What does honor your parents really mean? The dictionary says honor is a showing of usually merited respect or recognition. It is a hard balance as you come into adulthood to humble yourself and listen to someone else who is older and to make your own decisions regardless of the advice your receive. Somewhere between 12 and 25, parents and those who are a little older somehow don't know very much. As a college student, we gained an education and had high hopes of changing the world. When you move into your 30's raising a family, you realize that you have limited experience and can use advice from those who are older. Beyond your 30's you realize that there is so much in life that you don't know, there are so many who are more wise. You will spend the rest of your life learning.

I think honor is taking time to be with your parents. Every relationship is different. Some people have very close relationships with one or both parents. If you are really blessed you might have a great relationship with your in-laws as well. With a great relationship you can spend countless hours, or days with the person that you are close to. Other relationships are broken or dysfunctional and just to spend a few hours with that person can be a challenge. For some, distance stands between you and your parents. We have made it a priority to make a trip every summer to spend time with family far away. For relationships that are difficult, short visits like a few hours or dinner out is a great solution to show honor.

Many of my friends are watching their parents age. As they age, somehow roles reverse and senility creeps in. Bodies and minds fail and now children are forced into care giving roles. Honor still applies no matter what age your parents become. As long as they are able to care for themselves and make their own decisions, I think honor and respect allows them to be individuals. I have heard children talk down to their parents, yell at them, lecture them, in effect demeaning them and robbing their parents of dignity. All of these behaviors are opposite of honor. In the end, I ask myself, by loving your parents as yourself, as they are aging, "How would I want to be treated?" If I was put in an elderly care place, what kind of place would I want to be? How would I want to be treated by my children and others who are caring for me?

The last part of the verse above is "that it may go well with you and may you have a long life."The first part is a command, Honor your Parents. The second part is a promise. You will have a great life in the end if you follow this command. My children are watching our example of how we treat our parents and grandparents. It is my prayer that they will take care of us if we have to stay here on this earth in our old age.

How do you treat your parents as well as in-laws or your grandparents? Do you treat them with respect and honor? Do you make time to visit them? Do you talk to them with dignity? What do you want your life to look like when you age? It is a reality for all of us!!!