Proud as a Peacock

Train the younger women to be sane and sober of mind (temperate, disciplined)...In the same way, urge the younger men to be self-restrained and to behave prudently (taking life seriously). And show your own self in all respects to be a pattern and a model of good deeds and works, teaching what is unadulterated, showing gravity (having the strictest regard for truth and purity of motive) with dignity and seriousness. Titus 2

Have you ever had another parent compliment you on how well mannered your child was when they had a playdate or a sleepover? Has your child ever stood up for someone who was being belittled or didn't know how to stand up for themselves? Has your child ever been in a situation where they felt like giving up and wanted to quit and you witnessed them digging deep to finish strong? Has your child ever struggled in a class only to finish the semester with a high grade when they were always on the verge of getting something lower. Has your child ever been in a game or competition where they were the underdog and at the end they came back to win? Has your son or daughter ever been the only one in the group of many to choose the right path, while all of the others were breaking the rules or even breaking the law?

There are many moments in a parent's career when you feel affirmed in your quest to help your son or daughter rise to their potential. Some times it takes us out of our own comfort zone to push them past what they think they can achieve. Let's face it, I know only limited number of adults who push themselves physically and mentally (myself included) to achieve a monumentous goal such as participating in an Ironman competition or starting a new career after being in the same place for years or coming back from a major illness. Most of us are happy just being mediocre in our daily lives and for that matter, our spiritual lives. We love status quo because it is easier. Our comfort zone spills over into how we parent and we allow our kids to live status quo lives as well.

Today our son was pushed past his limits. He did the hard thing even though there is no promise at the end. Our daughter has time and time again perservered with no blue ribbon. She has given it her all only to receive no accalades or award of any kind except for the knowledge that she has given it her all. It is in these moments that we are so proud of who they are becoming and we are so proud of them for being disciplined and taking life seriously.

There is a difference between empty praise, which is flattery and true compliments. Flattery are words building another person up without any work or reason behind the praise. There is no fooling the recipient if a compliment comes from the wrong motive. Every person knows when they deserve to be praised.

For me, sports bring a lot of reasons to be proud of our kids. They teach many things such as discipline, working together cooperatively, respecting authority, accepting creative criticism, etc. Some adults live vicariously through their child; either reliving their past or pushing for their child to excel to a greater place then they did. For me, I think sports are another way to teach skills that our children will need for the rest of their lives. Being part of a team is so valuable because we have to learn to coexist with people we don't particularly care for, we have to learn to respect others' similarities and differences, we have to learn to accept the leadership styles of the coaches because one day they will have to work for a boss. If they can quit their team when life gets hard, they might learn to move from job to job or church to church when problems arise with others. It is in these moments when our kids do the right thing or the hard thing that we should go above and beyond to let them know how proud we are for their effort.
While praise is important for performance, the most significant praise for children is for character qualities such as honesty, integrity, and courage. Every child needs the approval of their parents to grow and flourish.