Between a Rock and a Hard Place

Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right path, but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands. Anne Frank

People used to tell me when the kids were little that these would be the easy days, that life would become so much more complicated as the kids were growing up. I thought that people were just exaggerating because we were always so tired when the kids were tiny. Parenting is so much more than giving our kids physical shelter, food, clothing. In previous generations, I think that was culture's expectations but now there are so many books and experts that address parenting for the whole being of a child.

There are so many instances when you wonder when should you step in and when should you allow your child to handle their own problems. Recently I read an article about what a "helicopter parent" was. It was very interesting and I have thought much about it since. How much of being a parent is being involved and when should you not get involved, waiting for your child to walk through the experience on their own. I have thought throughout the lifetime of our kids that we are raising them up only to fly away. Many times we find ourselves between a rock and a hard place trying to find the right balance of being a coach or a referree, being a parent and being a silent bystander.

I decided to look up the origin of the saying "between a rock and a hard place". I found the origin to be very interesting and applicable. The saying started with the US Bankers Panic of 1907. The financial fallout affected the mining and railroad industry of the Western States the most. In 1917, there became a huge dispute between the copper mining companies and the mineworkers in Bisbee Arizona. The workers were facing a choice bewtween harsh and underpaid work or unemployment and poverty. They chose to present their demands for better working conditions and pay and the companies refused and many workers were forcibly deported to New Mexico.

I think at times in our parenting, we only see the current state of our children's crisis' but in deciding whether to move beyond a coach, we have to look beyond to the future and what our child needs to learn for themselves. Do they need to accept consequences, do they need to gain character qualities that they are lacking, do they need to work on communication skills with others, do they need to learn new problem solving skills? The miners were working together with a united front with the right intentions and motives, however when proceeding forward they paid a bigger price and many ways were worse off than when they started.

There are so many times, I want to intercede on our kids' behalfs but I am finding that it is better to step back, say less and pray more for wisdom about what the next steps should be. It is such a hard task of being balanced and it is such a journey, learning as you go along. Each kid has different needs and wants and we have to work not only with their personalities but with ours as well. Being part of a family is full of victories, and challenges but through it all, we are learning to trust God more.