22 Years+

For this reason a man will leave is father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh....Each one of of you must also love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. Ephesians 5:31-33

People have asked us over the years how we have made it this far when divorce is such a huge part of our culture and the statistics are against us! The first thing that comes from our lips is that when we first got married, we committed that we would never use the "D" word, no matter what came up. If divorce is not an option then no matter what trials come along, a solution must be found. For everyone there are peaks and valleys. If someone tells you there has never been a dispute, then one person is always compromising.

It takes two to make a relationship and two to break a relationship. I've had friends and family that have gone into the marriage saying that if it didn't work out, there was a way out. That kind of relationship is doomed from the start because there is an exit strategy already built in. Without a firm resolve and commitment to stay, a marital relationship is a fragile thing. The second reason for staying is the destruction that follows to family and friends when a divorce happens.

The biggest losers in a divorce are the children, if there are any. At first glance, kids seem to be unscathed. Over the years though, it takes a big toll, bouncing from one house to another, multiple partners with mom and dad, multiple grandparents, blended families, children from another family. It is all so complicated even in the best of circumstances. For the most part, I have never been witness to a divorce that wasn't complicated, with bad feelings on either side. When it is said and done, not only is divorce financially tolling, but everyone suffers emotionally, especially the children for years to come. Furthermore, I think about the example that we are setting and the role models that we are, forming our children's impressions of what to look for in a future spouse. If we opt for divorce, then I am giving them a free pass to do the same. If they witness our resolve to stay, then they will think about committing to stay as well.

Many of my friends, have walked this path, some not by their own choice. We prayed for restoration, instead we were participants in God's graciousness for mankind to have free will in their choices. This sometimes means a spouse having to let go! There is redemption and forgiveness in wrong choices with repentance. However, with that redemption comes everlasting consequences and much of that involves complicated futures for every member of a family who has experienced divorce.

So my last response to especially my children is, God's way is the least complicated. He intended us to make a wise choice for who we choose as a life partner and then we decide to honor our vows, not only before man but in an oath we made before God. Having a good marriage takes work on both people's part. Life is ever changing and our spouse is always changing. Even with all of the changes, I think I would rather stay with what I know then what I don't know. Many people make graver choices the second time around and life is worse than what they had the first time. One of the biggest ways to stay married is to have a forgiving heart. Everyone makes mistakes and no one is perfect.

We are only responsible for ourselves and what we can change, with God's help. But we are commanded to love our neighbor as ourself, which also includes my spouse. That includes loving him the way God created him to be and extending grace to him in his weaknesses. It is the same in our relationship with God. He loves us and forgives us in our shortcomings. He uses our spouses to refine us into His image. Our spouse is the one who knows us best...There are no masks or hiding on our worst days. When you live side by side there is no hiding from the truth, they see us in all circumstances. Paul and I have made a conscious choice to stay married and to love and support each other in this journey called life.

I thank God for the man that God gave me to share life with. He challenges me to be a better person and to fulfill my purpose here on earth. He often sees life from a different perspective than I do and I truly do appreciate his wisdom and discernment in so many ways.

If you are married, have you committed to stay???