Reflections of Christmas Past

Peace on earth, Goodwill toward Men....

This verse stuck with me throughout this Christmas Season. Each Christmas fills my heart with mixed emotions. Once you lose someone that you dearly love, life can at times leave your heart filled with a void and I have a hard time looking forward to the actual day. I know, it is sad for I still have kids at home who look forward to Christmas with great anticipation with wonder about what's under the tree. We have special events around Christmas day that are traditions; our annual cookie decorating party, the Christmas party out at the barn where Abby rides, going to the play at our church on Christmas Eve. I have the pleasure of playing Christmas carols with our band on Sunday mornings in December. We make candy and cookies and deliver the platters to the neighbors.

Each year I search looking for the "something more" to Christmas to get myself out of my yearly funk. Last year it dawned on me with the Connecticut shooting, a student passing away that my daughter had gone to school with, friends fighting cancer, and a very dear friend of my daughters in and out of the hospital and many of our family members being sick for several weeks. Life just becomes more chaotic as years pass by. Life is not getting easier, there are more storms of life that come our way. We are looking for peace and rest for our weary souls.

Where does one find that peace and rest? One day last week I was just so burdened. As I was running errands, this song came to mind...

Be near me Lord Jesus I ask thee to stay, close by me forever and love me I pray. Bless all the dear children in Thy tender care, and take me to Heaven to be with me there.

Away in a manger, no crib for a bed. The little Lord Jesus, laid down His sweet head. The stars in the sky looked down where He laid. The little Lord Jesus asleep on the bed.

The secret to finding the true meaning of Christmas is going back to the basics. If you strip away the decorations, the parties, the feasts, the presents and all the fanfare that we have contrived around Christmas day, what would be left? If there were no gifts to be given, cards to be mailed, cookies to be made, what is the big deal about the birth of Jesus? Why is it important?

In the Beginning was the Word (Jesus) and the Word was with God and the Word was God. What is this verse saying? Jesus was here since the beginning of time with God and then He came to earth. What for? Because there needed to be an easier way for us to have a relationships with God. Our sinful nature separated us from God, the relationship was broken. By Jesus coming to earth, experiencing humanity and then dying the most traumatic death on the cross in my place and then rising from the dead on the third day allowed me to restore my relationship with God.

If you want to find real peace, take some time each day away from the hustle and bustle and think of the Christmas so long ago. There wasn't Black Friday, Internet sales, Michaels, Costco and Kirkland luring us in for the next way to decorate. It was one quiet simple night. A traveling young couple looking for a place to stay; in a cave or a barn with only a few animals a child was born without any fanfare. This child would change everything and everyone. For generations that would feel a void, would be stressed to find the perfect gift, trying to find a way to afford Christmas, stressed about family dinners and the various celebrations.

Jesus came so we would know that He is with us in the Chaos. Only He can bring us peace. Only He can comfort us in the storms of life. He is our Redeemer, Our Counselor, Our Comforter, the Prince of Peace. He gives us peace and helps us live at peace with others even when we cannot find it within ourselves to live at peace with all men. Sometimes the holidays are the hardest times to get along with family members. But with His help, in this Christmas season, Jesus is why we celebrate and He can renew and refresh us even in the midst of all that we do.

Live Life to It's Fullest

Where has time gone? From a baby to 12. I can't believe he is almost a teenager. With Dylan, life has always been an adventure. He has always had to taste things, touch things, experience everything life has to offer, just living in the moment. Not only different by gender, Dylan is different from Abby in almost every way, like day and night.

Abby takes life seriously, Dylan has a hard time being serious for anything. If he is in trouble, he is nervously laughing. In class, he revels in being the class clown, much to his teachers' dismay. In third grade, Dylan had a teacher who truly appreciated who he was and how he thought. He was the only one in his class who laughed at the teacher's jokes, he understood adult humor and wit at a very young age. When other boys ride in our car, Dylan has them laughing so loud I can't think.

Dylan has an extremely creative mind. If there is a story to tell, he will give you all the details and even include or elaborate on ones that do not exist. When he was younger, walking into his school lunch room was always an adventure. "Mrs Murphy, does Dylan have a pet jaguar that lives in his room?" Well, yes, he has a jaguar, but it is a stuffed animal that is on his bed. "Does Dylan have sharks in his bathtub?" Yes, there are numerous plastic ones that float with him. "Does Dylan have a jacuzzi in your house?" "Yes, but it is in the master bathroom."

Dylan has always had a curious mind, wondering how things work. I could tell numerous stories from his younger years but I will tell only a few. When we travelled with him when he was a baby, we always used his stroller as a high chair. When he was around 9 months or so, we put him on the floor after dinner. We looked up and saw that he was spinning the wheels to watch how the wheels worked. When he was four, I noticed the dog licking the family room carpet only to discover that she was licking raw egg into the carpet. Dylan I said, "why is there raw egg in the carpet?" "Momma, I cracked open the egg to see if a chicken would come out." One spring while I was playing piano, the screen popped out from the back porch and flying petunias which I had just planted in pots, came through the window and landed on the carpet under the piano. "Son, why did you just dig up the flowers mama just planted?" I wanted to pick pretty flowers for you." I had just got a new table cloth, only to come in and see the kitchen window and table cloth covered in orange paint. "Dylan why is there orange paint everywhere?" "I painted you a pretty picture."

God has given me the ability over the years to see the heart of our son. So many times in his younger years, he was experiencing his world and behind his motive was a sensitive heart. I used to say that we would be rich if we could bottle his energy. At times, I was so thankful that Abby was five years older to have an extra set of hands and eyes when Paul was on the road. Our nickname for him was Houdini. We would go to the store and he would disappear. One of the proudest moments was this week at teacher/parent conference one of his teachers said, "I love Dylan, he is always wearing a smile and has such a kind and gentle spirit." To me, character counts so much more than perfect grades!

At times, you wonder how to handle the next thing. With Abby, I always thought we were great parents. When Dylan came along, I realized how much wisdom we lacked and how much we had to rely on God. There is a verse that says, raise a child in the way they should go and when they grow old they will return to it. Many parents think this verse means that you should mold and conform a child. We were taught that this means that it is our job, to raise our children to be the best they can be not to conform them into who we think they should be. It is crucial to understand that God created each child to be special, unique with all their strengths and weaknesses and they are formed in His image.

Dylan has taught me so much about God's unconditional love. It took me most of my lifetime to understand that I don't have to do anything to earn God's love for me. I have to accept His free gift that He gave by sending His son and realizing that I need His forgiveness for all the times that I don't follow His plan for my life and the guidelines He has set for all of us to live by, however when I do fall short, He still loves me. He loves me because I was created in His image and am His child. He is so patient with me when I make mistakes over and over again. And some things that I have worked on for many years, He still continues to be patient with me. With this understanding, how can I expect one of our children to overcome some of their character flaws in one time, or one week or one month. Many of our weakness can be a journey that takes years such as having a grateful heart, not complaining, being content with what we have or the list goes on and on. If we understand our own brokeness and can be honest about our weaknesses, how much easier it is to extend grace and perservance to our children.

For a serious mom like me, Dylan continues to teach me to live in the present, to find joy in every occasion. Each year we see growth and maturity taking place. While he at times can be quick to act, we can all learn to laugh a little, not take life so seriously and to enjoy the present instead of looking to the future. I believe that God will use Dylan in a mighty way some day. But most of all, I pray that He grows up to love Jesus as much as I do, no matter what road life takes him.

Special Gift

17 years ago, on this day we were given a priceless treasure. I remember it as if it were yesterday. It is amazing how many things we forget and others that are tatooed in our memories. I loved every minute, every week, every month, every year, enjoying every stage and memory made. Now I blink and can't believe that all of these precious moments will be fewer and fewer in the days to come.

People used to say to me, don't ever wish any time away, don't for wish for the next moment, because they will go way too fast and you will never be able to go back in time. How true they were. Last week I was holding the hand of a special little girl walking into a grocery store. It was like a flash back in time, remembering holding Abby's hand, so tiny and small. I had a tear in my eye and a lump in my throat remembering the past. Now our precious girl is taller than me. I used to take her everywhere with me, not minding ever having only a spare few moments away for myself.

We have walked many life journey's together. How I have always loved her personality. She has a quiet, gentle spirit. We used to call her Pippy Longstocking because she has always had a style of her own. When everyone else was clammering to be one of the crowd, our girl always knew what was comfortable or represented who she was. She always stood for what was right and was quick to respond when making a mistake. Abby sees things in black and white and wants justice for those who are treated unfairly or wrongly, especially herself. Abby has always had a heart for the lost and the broken hearted. People often mistake her compassionate heart for weakness. She is truly a well balanced loving friend and family member. Watch your back if you stab someone that she loves in the back, she has a fiercely loyal spirit!

I have always said that Abby is an old soul in a young woman's body. She has been given the gift of discernment and her quiet demeanor allows her to listen and interpret others' words and actions and she has the ability to come up with a wise summation of how situations should be solved. Her peace-making spirit at times becomes a burden that even the world's best body builders couldn't carry however, maturity is teaching her who is the ultimate One to release those to.

So many people told me that the teenage years were to be feared. I still wait for those moments to appear. I think every relationship is like withdrawals and deposits into a bank. If you have invested a lot of time, effort and involvement in the life of a child, you will find the same return. However, if there is nothing invested, there will be no relationship at this point and for years to come. We enjoy walking life with our kids. Hopefully when they grow old, they will still want a relationship with us.

She has far exceeded how I pictured her to be when she was young. Hardships and trials, joys and victories are all woven into the tapestry of her character and who she is becoming. Each year I see her becoming more independent, more mature, more responsible, more confident, more wise. While she still makes mistakes, I see how quickly she is to analyze what she can take from them and do things differently. She works hard, she is an excellent student, a faithful friend, an awesome rider, seeking to pursue excellence in everything that she strives for.

If this sounds like a tribute, it is, to my birthday girl. How proud we are to have such an awesome daughter. Not every parent is as blessed as we are to have such a wonderful girl. It is exciting to watch doors open, to pray for the next steps of where Abby is going and how God is going to use her life for His glory. Happy Birthday Abby. May your year ahead be filled with many special memories, faithful friends who truly love and accept you just the way you are and may you feel God's love and His presence everywhere you look! May He continue to bless you, to keep you and to make His face shine upon you. With all my love Abby....Mom

Horsing Around

“I believe that horses bring out the best in us. They judge us not by how we look, what we're wearing or how powerful or rich we are, they judge us in terms of sensitivity, consistency, and patience. They demand standards of behavior and levels of kindness that we, as humans, then strive to maintain.” 
― Clare Balding

Being a city girl all my life, I never pictured that I would have a daughter who would at a very young age, have an interest in horses. It started at the age of two when we visited a very dear friend of mine, Michelle on Long Island. Her family owned horses and she was given a pony ride. Never in my wildest dreams did I sense that at that very moment, my quiet spirited little girl would feel a connection to one of God's most beautiful creatures.

She came home saying that one day she would own a horse. We passed it off year after year, thinking that it was just a childhood dream that would one day fade away. We kept her at bay by telling her she would have to complete three years of summer camp before dedicating to lessons. That was not going to stop her. She fulfilled each one of our obstacles one by one. Her dad even told her that she would have to "buy" half of her own first horse. She didn't take presents for years for her birthday and other events to save.

Over the years, her four legged friends have stretched her, sustained her, challenged her. Each of her hairy friends have wiped her tears, been faithful when friends and family disappointed and betrayed her, stood by her side when she has fallen and nuzzled her when they sensed that she was down or sickly. They have given her a safe haven to be herself, loved and accepted without condition.

When I look back over the past 9 years of her life, being in the equestrian world, I feel blessed beyond belief that it was on the back of a horse, that one of my most precious gifts has found peace, freedom and confidence. In a world of peers where she has never felt totally embraced or understood, at the barn she can be who God created her to be. As she grows older, I see that she is walking the journey with many other girls and women who have similar personalities.

Horses teach you so many life skills. It is not in the mistakes or falling that matters, but how you learn and move forward. You have to learn to observe and listen to the personalities around you or you might get kicked when you aren't looking. If you are wishy washy in making decisions, a horse will rule you and you might find yourself in a precarious position, sometimes you just have to take charge. You have to take care of what God has entrusted to you or you may lose the one you love. Life is a journey. There is no instantaneous results in riding, it is just the dedication of working one day at a time, one course at a time, one year at a time. Trust cannot be bought, it is earned. A horse and a rider are either working together, or against one another, each has their own thoughts and their own bad day, you just hope that you sync together well once in awhile because it is not every time. When life goes bad, you pray and trust God more to get you through the falls, the injuries, the sicknesses. There is not one thing that we can control. God is sovereign for all and promises to walk with us through the good and the bad times.

How blessed we are to have Max as Abby's best friend. He has taught our girl so much!

The Uniform Makes the Man

Let no one look down on your youthfulness, but rather in speech, conduct, love, faith and purity, show yourself an example of those who believe.
I Timothy 4:12

Walking around the park this morning, I observed a group of boys, from small to large, all standing side by side in their uniforms. I thought what a difference a uniform can make. Off the field, a boy can by a boy, goofing off, pulling pranks, not paying attention. Once that boy puts on shoulder pads and a helmet, he no longer takes the stance of being chidlike or weak. He stands taller, he works harder, more is expected of him.

I started to think about all the men who wear uniforms for their careers.

A pilot puts on a uniform and he transforms from being a husband, father, son to being the man in charge of a very expensive piece of machinery and is responsible for the lives of many every time he takes off and lands. A police officer puts on a uniform and becomes a person of authority, upholding the laws and rules of our land. They are people that are feared, and revered because they can ultimately change the destiny of those who break the law. A military person, puts on a uniform and immediately stands taller, prouder, trained to keep the lives of their fellow officers and the lives of their country safe. A firefighter puts on their uniform trained in emergency services to answer when called to help with medical emergencies or are put into dangerous positions all of the time putting out fires, protecting people and property from harm. Many of these individuals put their life on the line time and time again, serving others without thought or fear of what it could personally cost them. As a matter of fact, most occupations wear a uniform, serving others.

It dawned on me today that being part of team, learning discipline and respect of authority to play a sport is only life training, forming boys to be men, to provide for their families, to respect those in authority, to look out for their co-workers and friends and to work hard.  In a society where at times, we try to make boys into girls, how thankful I am for coaches who are forming and preparing our boys to be leaders for generations to come.

Nightmare on Mission Lane

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Phillipians 4:6

Do you ever have a dream that goes on and on, with your heart beating so fast it almost seems like it is going to pop out of your chest? When you wake up, you feel like you have never slept for one moment and you feel completely disoriented. It doesn't happen to me often. As I was growing up I always thought that dreams had absolutely no meaning.

I think back to an Old Testament character Joseph. He was always having dreams and he always shared them with his brothers. Unfortunately, some of them came to pass and some of them he shouldn't have shared with them because his interpretations led to them sticking him in a big whole only to report to their father that he was dead because he was the favored son.

As I grow older and I think back on my dreams, some of them that reoccurred throughout my childhood were born out of actual events that had taken place in my life that I never spoke of. For instance, when I was six I used to walk quite a few blocks to school by myself. Kidnapping and Amber alerts were almost none existent. One day after school, a white van drove up and two men tried to get me to ride with them. I ran as fast as I could between houses all the way home. I never told my parents what happened that day. For years, even into my college days I would dream that men were chasing after me trying to kill me.

This past week was a crazy week, each day filled with new drama. Usually I take life in stride but I think the cares of life and the busyness that our lives bring culminated in one long drama that took place in my nightmare last night. While I have prayed each day for God's provisions and His hand in working each situation out, at times I grow weary and anxious. It took several hours for me to shake my nightmare when I woke up. My whole family was a part of my nightmare and everyone was in isolation. I felt extremely helpless in trying to help anyone and there was nothing I could do to solve all the problems even though I was running as fast I could do to bring everyone back together again.

In fact, it was only in the fact that I spent several hours playing praise music to My King of Kings at church that brought me from a very disoriented place into a place of peace. While I don't think that every dream deserves merit or a second thought, I believe that turning to Jesus can bring us to a place of peace and rest. One of the biggest reasons that we are careful about the movies that we watch and allow our kids to watch is also found in Phillipians 4:8; Whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, think on these things. What we put into our minds, we play over and over like the movie itself. There is enough real drama that will happen to each one of us that we will think about in our sleep or that keeps us awake at night. But whatever is our struggle, it says to present it to God. When we do this, we will find rest. Sweet dreams!

Between a Rock and a Hard Place

Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right path, but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands. Anne Frank

People used to tell me when the kids were little that these would be the easy days, that life would become so much more complicated as the kids were growing up. I thought that people were just exaggerating because we were always so tired when the kids were tiny. Parenting is so much more than giving our kids physical shelter, food, clothing. In previous generations, I think that was culture's expectations but now there are so many books and experts that address parenting for the whole being of a child.

There are so many instances when you wonder when should you step in and when should you allow your child to handle their own problems. Recently I read an article about what a "helicopter parent" was. It was very interesting and I have thought much about it since. How much of being a parent is being involved and when should you not get involved, waiting for your child to walk through the experience on their own. I have thought throughout the lifetime of our kids that we are raising them up only to fly away. Many times we find ourselves between a rock and a hard place trying to find the right balance of being a coach or a referree, being a parent and being a silent bystander.

I decided to look up the origin of the saying "between a rock and a hard place". I found the origin to be very interesting and applicable. The saying started with the US Bankers Panic of 1907. The financial fallout affected the mining and railroad industry of the Western States the most. In 1917, there became a huge dispute between the copper mining companies and the mineworkers in Bisbee Arizona. The workers were facing a choice bewtween harsh and underpaid work or unemployment and poverty. They chose to present their demands for better working conditions and pay and the companies refused and many workers were forcibly deported to New Mexico.

I think at times in our parenting, we only see the current state of our children's crisis' but in deciding whether to move beyond a coach, we have to look beyond to the future and what our child needs to learn for themselves. Do they need to accept consequences, do they need to gain character qualities that they are lacking, do they need to work on communication skills with others, do they need to learn new problem solving skills? The miners were working together with a united front with the right intentions and motives, however when proceeding forward they paid a bigger price and many ways were worse off than when they started.

There are so many times, I want to intercede on our kids' behalfs but I am finding that it is better to step back, say less and pray more for wisdom about what the next steps should be. It is such a hard task of being balanced and it is such a journey, learning as you go along. Each kid has different needs and wants and we have to work not only with their personalities but with ours as well. Being part of a family is full of victories, and challenges but through it all, we are learning to trust God more.