Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. Mark 11:24
Have you ever lost something that might give you a heart attack and you can't sleep at night; like a wallet, a credit card, a debit card, a set of keys? At one time or another I have lost all of these.
Three days ago, a large set of keys from every car and the house key, and a credit card disappeared. Needless to say, I took to my knees praying for God's goodness and mercy. We searched the house and the garage for two days straight and a path to and from our house numerous times. At night I had nightmares that people were stalking our cars and trying to get into our house. I guess you could say that I had a panic attack.
When we first noticed, I decided to continually pray and trust that God was going to show His faithfulness one more time to us in our moments of humanity. How and why it happened is of no consequence however I will say that it was short of miraculous how He was faithful. The only identifying thing on the ring of keys was our gym membership card. Last night we felt compelled to go to the gym and see if anyone was our good samaritan.
To my utter relief and thankfulness, someone had indeed found our keys. The first words out of my mouth were "Thank you Jesus". When I came home, the family said that we had been praying that God would hear and answer! I continued to search the house for the card and decided to call the card company to cancel. They said that a good samaritan had found it and put a hold on our account.
One could argue that I am forgetful or human. I see things as an exercise in learning from one's mistakes and having faith that God will hear and answer in the small and large things that happen to us on a daily basis. While things may not always work out with a happy ending as ours was, I happen to believe that these experiences are all stepping stones, with our kids watching that God is faithful and watches over His children. They are also beginning to see that when we cry out to Him, He does hear and He does answer. Sometimes it takes a little while, but He wants us to ask with a belief that He does know what is best for us!
Friday, May 31, 2013
Monday, May 27, 2013
Parched
Arizona is hot and dry. We aren't there yet, however the need for water is already upon us. Many of our tourists don't realize the importance of drinking lots of water every day, and we ourselves forget at first when the temperatures rise.
For the past two days I have had no energy. I have been taking naps for the first time in many months. Life has been spinning at such a rapid pace, there was little time for rest. Today as I was sitting outside under the fan, in absolute silence I started reflecting on the past month of my life. As a parent, there are so many hats that you wear. Both of our kids have gone through a tough time in school the past month, I've been a support to my mom as she watched my grandpa fail, I worked a part-time job, and the list goes on as it does for so many.
Each day I prayed the Lord's Prayer, Lord give us this day our daily bread. For me that meant help me start what I finished each day, increasing the caffeine by the glass. Until yesterday, I hit a wall, almost as if I was a car without gas, no energy to run one more errand, do one more task. I reflected where I've been as I glared into my pool, with fresh sparkling water. It made my mind travel back to the events of this past Sunday morning, one tub full of water, 20 people of all different ages, taking the plunge, being baptized for the first time.
I started to think about what the significance water holds in the act of baptism and how it parallels to blood, the blood of Jesus. Blood washes away our sins, giving us spiritual cleanliness, a second chance so to speak. Water can give us physical cleanliness. Both have the power to make us clean and give us a fresh start. Then I decided to research water in Scripture. I came across this passage, I John 5:5-9 "Who is it that overcomes the world? Only the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God. This is the one who came by water and blood - Jesus Christ. He did not only come by water only, but by water and blood. And it is the Spirit who testiifes, because the Spirit is truth. For there are three that testify: the Spirit, the water and the blood; and the three are in agreement".
What is this saying to me you might ask? The answer to the problems of this world lie in the hands of the one who is in charge, God. He sent His son Jesus through human birth (water and blood), His baptism and His death. There are three that witnessed all of these events; God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit.
It is amazing to me that you can read and reread Scripture and it is only God that give us the eyes to see and the ability to understand. He confirmed what I was thinking but at a deeper level, I truly am simple-minded!
As I pondered, my mind went back to a mental picture that a friend gave me long ago. It was an image of a beautiful watering can that I used to water my flower beds to make my gorgeous flowers flourish and grow. As I pour out the can slowly, eventually the can becomes empty and there is nothing more to pour out. At some point, it is important for me to return with my can to the source of water. Without the water, soon even the most beautiful flower buds will become thirsty, wither and die.
I am just like the watering can. There are so many ministries that God calls us to. I pour out my entire being to numerous individuals until the watering can is bone dry and there is not an ounce to give to another. Jesus clearly gave me an answer to the mental picture that He restored to memory. It is from the story in John 4 about the Samaritan woman who is at the well drawing water. Jesus asks her for a drink and she is doubting why He is asking her, because she is a Samaritan and He is a Jew, the two don't socialize...
His response is found in verse 13 and 14: "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life."
First we come to know Christ, then He transforms our life, we choose to be Baptized as an expression of our desire to follow Jesus. Out of that desire, we study our Bible to know more about Him and as an outward expression we want to serve others by loving them unconditionally. True followers serve out of love for Jesus, not for want of doing good works or working our way into the Kingdom. We say yes to serving others because we love Him. When the watering can is dry, then it is time to Be still, to return to the One who gives us the water to refresh our soul, a spring of water, welling up to eternal life.
Jesus is the source for all power and strength and He is the one that refresh our souls.
For the past two days I have had no energy. I have been taking naps for the first time in many months. Life has been spinning at such a rapid pace, there was little time for rest. Today as I was sitting outside under the fan, in absolute silence I started reflecting on the past month of my life. As a parent, there are so many hats that you wear. Both of our kids have gone through a tough time in school the past month, I've been a support to my mom as she watched my grandpa fail, I worked a part-time job, and the list goes on as it does for so many.
Each day I prayed the Lord's Prayer, Lord give us this day our daily bread. For me that meant help me start what I finished each day, increasing the caffeine by the glass. Until yesterday, I hit a wall, almost as if I was a car without gas, no energy to run one more errand, do one more task. I reflected where I've been as I glared into my pool, with fresh sparkling water. It made my mind travel back to the events of this past Sunday morning, one tub full of water, 20 people of all different ages, taking the plunge, being baptized for the first time.
I started to think about what the significance water holds in the act of baptism and how it parallels to blood, the blood of Jesus. Blood washes away our sins, giving us spiritual cleanliness, a second chance so to speak. Water can give us physical cleanliness. Both have the power to make us clean and give us a fresh start. Then I decided to research water in Scripture. I came across this passage, I John 5:5-9 "Who is it that overcomes the world? Only the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God. This is the one who came by water and blood - Jesus Christ. He did not only come by water only, but by water and blood. And it is the Spirit who testiifes, because the Spirit is truth. For there are three that testify: the Spirit, the water and the blood; and the three are in agreement".
What is this saying to me you might ask? The answer to the problems of this world lie in the hands of the one who is in charge, God. He sent His son Jesus through human birth (water and blood), His baptism and His death. There are three that witnessed all of these events; God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit.
It is amazing to me that you can read and reread Scripture and it is only God that give us the eyes to see and the ability to understand. He confirmed what I was thinking but at a deeper level, I truly am simple-minded!
As I pondered, my mind went back to a mental picture that a friend gave me long ago. It was an image of a beautiful watering can that I used to water my flower beds to make my gorgeous flowers flourish and grow. As I pour out the can slowly, eventually the can becomes empty and there is nothing more to pour out. At some point, it is important for me to return with my can to the source of water. Without the water, soon even the most beautiful flower buds will become thirsty, wither and die.
I am just like the watering can. There are so many ministries that God calls us to. I pour out my entire being to numerous individuals until the watering can is bone dry and there is not an ounce to give to another. Jesus clearly gave me an answer to the mental picture that He restored to memory. It is from the story in John 4 about the Samaritan woman who is at the well drawing water. Jesus asks her for a drink and she is doubting why He is asking her, because she is a Samaritan and He is a Jew, the two don't socialize...
His response is found in verse 13 and 14: "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life."
First we come to know Christ, then He transforms our life, we choose to be Baptized as an expression of our desire to follow Jesus. Out of that desire, we study our Bible to know more about Him and as an outward expression we want to serve others by loving them unconditionally. True followers serve out of love for Jesus, not for want of doing good works or working our way into the Kingdom. We say yes to serving others because we love Him. When the watering can is dry, then it is time to Be still, to return to the One who gives us the water to refresh our soul, a spring of water, welling up to eternal life.
Jesus is the source for all power and strength and He is the one that refresh our souls.
Sunday, May 26, 2013
Humbled
Many of us wonder what people would say about us when we pass on, a tribute, kind words of thanks. There are probably only a few times we can count on one hand when someone honors us with their words.
I had the pleasant surprise of reading a tribute recently that a young writer wrote about me. Her writing was so clear and concise, just the kind of person that you would choose to write your biography if one was so inclined. She was so eloquent in capturing my heart. Hearing and being able to reproduce one's thoughts and spoken words is a true gift, one that only a few behold.
As I finished, I felt so humbled. My mind quickly turned to John 15. It says "I am the vine, you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit, apart from me you can do nothing...If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done to you. This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples."
The things that she heard me say, and the way she sees me live is because Jesus lives in me. There is nothing that I can take credit for myself. I've asked the Lord to use me with an open heart and open hands. Sometimes when we pray, we are tempted to take credit when the Lord shows up and answers. However, we in and of ourselves have no power to change anyone. It is only the Holy Spirit that can draw a soul to Himself. We are simply earthly vessels to be used by Him to point others to Jesus.
To be more specific, without Jesus, I have the power to do nothing. It has taken me a lifetime to understand that Jesus is the King of Kings, the one with all the Power, the ability to give men authority, and the one to diminish one's power. He gives us wealth and He has the power to take it away. He is Sovereign, yet He loves us enough to allow us to make our own freewill choices. It is only because of the cross, that my life has been transformed, and that He is willing to use an imperfect being like me.
Thank you, my young friend for noticing how I'm striving to be more like Him. There can be no higher compliment than someone saying, you are somehow different, you look familiar, you resemble someone that I know. My prayer is that as I grow older, I will look more like HIM!
I had the pleasant surprise of reading a tribute recently that a young writer wrote about me. Her writing was so clear and concise, just the kind of person that you would choose to write your biography if one was so inclined. She was so eloquent in capturing my heart. Hearing and being able to reproduce one's thoughts and spoken words is a true gift, one that only a few behold.
As I finished, I felt so humbled. My mind quickly turned to John 15. It says "I am the vine, you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit, apart from me you can do nothing...If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done to you. This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples."
The things that she heard me say, and the way she sees me live is because Jesus lives in me. There is nothing that I can take credit for myself. I've asked the Lord to use me with an open heart and open hands. Sometimes when we pray, we are tempted to take credit when the Lord shows up and answers. However, we in and of ourselves have no power to change anyone. It is only the Holy Spirit that can draw a soul to Himself. We are simply earthly vessels to be used by Him to point others to Jesus.
To be more specific, without Jesus, I have the power to do nothing. It has taken me a lifetime to understand that Jesus is the King of Kings, the one with all the Power, the ability to give men authority, and the one to diminish one's power. He gives us wealth and He has the power to take it away. He is Sovereign, yet He loves us enough to allow us to make our own freewill choices. It is only because of the cross, that my life has been transformed, and that He is willing to use an imperfect being like me.
Thank you, my young friend for noticing how I'm striving to be more like Him. There can be no higher compliment than someone saying, you are somehow different, you look familiar, you resemble someone that I know. My prayer is that as I grow older, I will look more like HIM!
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
A Birthday to Remember
Life in the beginning for me was simple. We were from humble means, no flashy birthday parties, trips or extravagant gifts. I only recall one party when I was growing up, three or four friends came over for homemade cupcakes, I must have been 7 or 8. Birthdays came and went without much fanfare. I'm sure there must have been gifts, however I can't remember what one of them was.
What I do remember however, was visitors that would come each year for my birthday, sometimes traveling for many miles to celebrate the day with me; sometimes just a hundred, sometimes a thousand or more. They came each year, until they could no longer drive and were bound inside the confine of their place. It was then that I would drive to spend my birthday with them. They would bring me a special cake, it was white with special frosting and nuts all around the side. I'm not sure how she would keep it fresh after being in the car for such a long time, but I could hardly contain my excitement when my special visitors arrived.
My grandparents celebrated my life each year with me, and then when we had kids, they celebrated the life of my kids each year, until they no longer could remember.
At first, when it was decided that my birthday would be the chosen day to say goodbye to my dearly loved favorite grandpa, I had a hard time hiding my disappointment. I thought upon the event for awhile. I thought about all the sacrifices that they made each year to be with me to celebrate my life on my special day. My grandparents came from humble means as well. Just their presence watching me blow out my candles was the greatest gift of all.
So, it only seems fitting for me to spend my birthday one last time with one of the most important men in my life; he was there for me from the very beginning. While he is with me only in spirit, I know that we are still together. He is celebrating the day that I breathed my first breath, I am celebrating the day he breathed his last earthly breath.
My birthday from this day forward will forever be different, I will always feel his absence. Yet, I will always be reminded of his love for me in just the simple act of blowing out a candle and a hundred other little things that we used to do together like walk hand in hand to the corner store down the street from his house, or sit on the porch and eat watermelon or watch The Three Stooges or sing Amazing Grace together.
The thing that I will most remember is my grandpa's passion for Jesus and his unconditional love for me. Sometimes when I was going through the hardest valleys in my life, I would just go and sit with him. As soon as I walked in through the door, I knew I was loved. I knew grandpa wasn't going to judge me or scold me or tell me how terrible I looked that day, he always told me how blessed he was that I came.
I don't wish him back. He is with the rest of my family. He isn't suffering or confined to a chair or bed. He has a new body and sheds no more tears. My grandpa is experiencing a joy that he never had here. My hope rests that some day, I will see him again, for I have the assurance beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is in Heaven with my Heavenly Father. His soul is still alive, only his earthly body is dead. The person and character that my grandpa was will live forever!
What I do remember however, was visitors that would come each year for my birthday, sometimes traveling for many miles to celebrate the day with me; sometimes just a hundred, sometimes a thousand or more. They came each year, until they could no longer drive and were bound inside the confine of their place. It was then that I would drive to spend my birthday with them. They would bring me a special cake, it was white with special frosting and nuts all around the side. I'm not sure how she would keep it fresh after being in the car for such a long time, but I could hardly contain my excitement when my special visitors arrived.
My grandparents celebrated my life each year with me, and then when we had kids, they celebrated the life of my kids each year, until they no longer could remember.
At first, when it was decided that my birthday would be the chosen day to say goodbye to my dearly loved favorite grandpa, I had a hard time hiding my disappointment. I thought upon the event for awhile. I thought about all the sacrifices that they made each year to be with me to celebrate my life on my special day. My grandparents came from humble means as well. Just their presence watching me blow out my candles was the greatest gift of all.
So, it only seems fitting for me to spend my birthday one last time with one of the most important men in my life; he was there for me from the very beginning. While he is with me only in spirit, I know that we are still together. He is celebrating the day that I breathed my first breath, I am celebrating the day he breathed his last earthly breath.
My birthday from this day forward will forever be different, I will always feel his absence. Yet, I will always be reminded of his love for me in just the simple act of blowing out a candle and a hundred other little things that we used to do together like walk hand in hand to the corner store down the street from his house, or sit on the porch and eat watermelon or watch The Three Stooges or sing Amazing Grace together.
The thing that I will most remember is my grandpa's passion for Jesus and his unconditional love for me. Sometimes when I was going through the hardest valleys in my life, I would just go and sit with him. As soon as I walked in through the door, I knew I was loved. I knew grandpa wasn't going to judge me or scold me or tell me how terrible I looked that day, he always told me how blessed he was that I came.
I don't wish him back. He is with the rest of my family. He isn't suffering or confined to a chair or bed. He has a new body and sheds no more tears. My grandpa is experiencing a joy that he never had here. My hope rests that some day, I will see him again, for I have the assurance beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is in Heaven with my Heavenly Father. His soul is still alive, only his earthly body is dead. The person and character that my grandpa was will live forever!
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Turning the Other Cheek
A soft answer turns away wrath! Proverbs 15:1
Several weeks back, I was out and about with my daughter. As I usually do, I started making light conversation with one of my daughter's friends. All of a sudden her mom came storming in like thunder just yelling at me. She accused me of several things. Her rant went on for several minutes.
I have to admit, I have been known to stick my foot in my mouth or say the wrong thing at the wrong time. This time, my motives were pure, my words full of grace. It was like I was struck by lightening without just cause! It took me hours to unreal from the lashing that I took without justification, all for the sake of just being friendly. My first reaction was utter shock, I humbly apologized with only great vengeance in return. The most shocking thing about the episode was that this woman in the past has made great effort to acknowledge that she is a Christian. I won't go there except to say that at that very moment, I wasn't quite feeling the quiet gentle voice of the Savior, I was feeling the wrath and the accusatory voice of you know who! My second wave of emotion was really? I was feeling a little annoyed, Ok it wasn't just a little. I kept replaying the video in my head how insanely she had reacted.
Finally I stepped back from the situation and tried to analyze the cause behind the rant. Was she in midlife crisis? Was there an explosion in her home that morning and I was the closest whipping post? Had bitterness built up in her about the opinions from others and I was the tip of the iceberg? I had hoped that her daughter was out of ear shot from the whole ugly scene. I know if it were mine she would be highly embarrased. I didn't wish that on her sweet daughter who knew the intentions of our conversation. Many days later her daughter called mine to apologize for the behavior of her mom. It made me feel badly for her.
As I walked through my day, I decided to take a different course, one that I sadly don't take very often. In the quietness of my car, I bowed my head. I asked the Lord to be with her that day. I asked God's blessing on her in the midst of her own inner turmoil. I wish that was always my first response. I have to be honest and admit that I don't always take the high road, and furthermore, it wasn't my first response. I made a comment first to a couple of people close to me how I had been unjustly slighted. I wish I would have bowed my head first. It is amazing what happened to me when I prayed for her. It was like He took a burden off my shoulders that I didn't have to carry.
I can't say that I will be the first to jump in her path. I haven't seen her since. Actually after you are bitten, you don't quite want to walk down the same road again. I'm not sure what all the lessons were from that experience, but thankfully God brought to mind that a soft answer turns away wrath and to pray for your enemies. One of our former pastors used to say that true character comes out when we are bumped. Thankfully He doesn't allow me to be bumped like that too often, oh maybe I shouldn't have said that too loud. I guess when we aren't looking the lightening can come at any unexpected moment! How I respond is up to me!
Several weeks back, I was out and about with my daughter. As I usually do, I started making light conversation with one of my daughter's friends. All of a sudden her mom came storming in like thunder just yelling at me. She accused me of several things. Her rant went on for several minutes.
I have to admit, I have been known to stick my foot in my mouth or say the wrong thing at the wrong time. This time, my motives were pure, my words full of grace. It was like I was struck by lightening without just cause! It took me hours to unreal from the lashing that I took without justification, all for the sake of just being friendly. My first reaction was utter shock, I humbly apologized with only great vengeance in return. The most shocking thing about the episode was that this woman in the past has made great effort to acknowledge that she is a Christian. I won't go there except to say that at that very moment, I wasn't quite feeling the quiet gentle voice of the Savior, I was feeling the wrath and the accusatory voice of you know who! My second wave of emotion was really? I was feeling a little annoyed, Ok it wasn't just a little. I kept replaying the video in my head how insanely she had reacted.
Finally I stepped back from the situation and tried to analyze the cause behind the rant. Was she in midlife crisis? Was there an explosion in her home that morning and I was the closest whipping post? Had bitterness built up in her about the opinions from others and I was the tip of the iceberg? I had hoped that her daughter was out of ear shot from the whole ugly scene. I know if it were mine she would be highly embarrased. I didn't wish that on her sweet daughter who knew the intentions of our conversation. Many days later her daughter called mine to apologize for the behavior of her mom. It made me feel badly for her.
As I walked through my day, I decided to take a different course, one that I sadly don't take very often. In the quietness of my car, I bowed my head. I asked the Lord to be with her that day. I asked God's blessing on her in the midst of her own inner turmoil. I wish that was always my first response. I have to be honest and admit that I don't always take the high road, and furthermore, it wasn't my first response. I made a comment first to a couple of people close to me how I had been unjustly slighted. I wish I would have bowed my head first. It is amazing what happened to me when I prayed for her. It was like He took a burden off my shoulders that I didn't have to carry.
I can't say that I will be the first to jump in her path. I haven't seen her since. Actually after you are bitten, you don't quite want to walk down the same road again. I'm not sure what all the lessons were from that experience, but thankfully God brought to mind that a soft answer turns away wrath and to pray for your enemies. One of our former pastors used to say that true character comes out when we are bumped. Thankfully He doesn't allow me to be bumped like that too often, oh maybe I shouldn't have said that too loud. I guess when we aren't looking the lightening can come at any unexpected moment! How I respond is up to me!
Monday, April 22, 2013
Ah Ha Moment
My mood was somber as I visited my grandfather today. I witnessed a smile but there were no words. He experienced another major stroke over the weekend. I think he has no words left yet he knew who I was and he knew my voice. My stay was short and sweet, with him!
I left and had a long heart to heart conversation with his caretaker. It was then that God answered some of the questions that I have been asking for months, why God are you leaving grandpa here? Why does he lay bed ridden? Why haven't you taken him home when he has been a faithful servant all of his life? It seems like he has fulfilled his purpose here, why does he continue to have to suffer?
I think many of us are afraid of asking God questions? Not me. I see my relationship with Jesus as if my kids were talking to me. Sometimes it is weeks, months, years before I receive an answer. Today He gave me some answers through the caretaker and it has changed my outlook on my grandfather's final days.
Society seems to think that as we age, we serve little purpose. Care centers are popping up faster than any other commercial buildings nationwide to care for those who are aging. Many elderly are stuck in homes to waste away. Some families choose to stay away for whatever their reasons may be. Over the years I have come to appreciate those who are aging. They are treasure boxes full of wisdom and experience that is tucked away in complexes, homes. The aged once had their youth, successful careers, travelling the world, productive members of society.
Grandpa has had nothing but time on his hands for years. He used to sit and wait for the infrequent family visitors, telling stories of how God saved his life on numerous occasions, his time serving in the World War in the Philippines, how his mother missed the Titanic, how he just missed a store's explosion by just 5 minutes. Again and again he told of how God had saved him, restored his soul, singing God's praises for transforming his life. He didn't just tell us the stories of God's faithfulness, he also told the stories to the people in the hospitals, the rehabilitation centers and now the group home where he will breathe his final breath.
It was no coincidence that grandpa landed up in the home where he now resides. Grandpa was raised in the Greek Orthodox Church, so were his caretakers. Again and again grandpa has been talking about the Gospel message, Jesus loves us so much, he died, was buried and after 3 days rose from the dead. The caretaker shared about all of their conversations in the house and that grandpa has brushed death numerous times.
Her last story though struck me the most. The path of my dying grandma who has been gone for a year and a half is very similar to my grandfather's which they find very intriguing. For six weeks my grandma called out Please God...My grandpa a couple of weeks ago when asked by the nurse if he was in pain said that he is carrying the pain and burdens of many that he loves. She said that it seems like they are interceding in prayer for his family. It made me think that all of this time, in the moments of quietness and silence, that as parents and grandparents they have spent much of their time in prayer for those that they love, in other words they are interceding for us on our behalf. While the outside world believes that they have seen better days, in their final moments, before they breathe their last breath, they know all the hardships and broken relationships and suffering that their family members and friends are enduring and yet, they are able to give one of the most precious gifts a person can possibly give, prayer. She said she can see that he is still struggling to live, however when he has finished interceding he will give up the fight.
My final thoughts to this are do I love enough to pray for those who hurt me? Do I pray for those who struggle to survive? Do I love enough to pray for those in my family who are lost? Do I love enough to judge less and pray more? Do I love to the point where I will look the other way in other's weaknesses and find joy in their strengths? Do I love enough to intercede in my moments of pain and struggle? Do I trust enough to ask for strength to walk through the trials in life? Am I willing to put myself on the line to share the love of Jesus even in worst days? Am I willing to humble myself to ask for help when I can't make it through a dark day? Am I willing to push aside my feelings to intercede for those who have turned their backs on me? These are all questions I will continue to ponder. If grandpa could do all these things in his final days, I have part of him in me...
I left and had a long heart to heart conversation with his caretaker. It was then that God answered some of the questions that I have been asking for months, why God are you leaving grandpa here? Why does he lay bed ridden? Why haven't you taken him home when he has been a faithful servant all of his life? It seems like he has fulfilled his purpose here, why does he continue to have to suffer?
I think many of us are afraid of asking God questions? Not me. I see my relationship with Jesus as if my kids were talking to me. Sometimes it is weeks, months, years before I receive an answer. Today He gave me some answers through the caretaker and it has changed my outlook on my grandfather's final days.
Society seems to think that as we age, we serve little purpose. Care centers are popping up faster than any other commercial buildings nationwide to care for those who are aging. Many elderly are stuck in homes to waste away. Some families choose to stay away for whatever their reasons may be. Over the years I have come to appreciate those who are aging. They are treasure boxes full of wisdom and experience that is tucked away in complexes, homes. The aged once had their youth, successful careers, travelling the world, productive members of society.
Grandpa has had nothing but time on his hands for years. He used to sit and wait for the infrequent family visitors, telling stories of how God saved his life on numerous occasions, his time serving in the World War in the Philippines, how his mother missed the Titanic, how he just missed a store's explosion by just 5 minutes. Again and again he told of how God had saved him, restored his soul, singing God's praises for transforming his life. He didn't just tell us the stories of God's faithfulness, he also told the stories to the people in the hospitals, the rehabilitation centers and now the group home where he will breathe his final breath.
It was no coincidence that grandpa landed up in the home where he now resides. Grandpa was raised in the Greek Orthodox Church, so were his caretakers. Again and again grandpa has been talking about the Gospel message, Jesus loves us so much, he died, was buried and after 3 days rose from the dead. The caretaker shared about all of their conversations in the house and that grandpa has brushed death numerous times.
The prayers of a righteous man are powerful and effective. James 5:16
Her last story though struck me the most. The path of my dying grandma who has been gone for a year and a half is very similar to my grandfather's which they find very intriguing. For six weeks my grandma called out Please God...My grandpa a couple of weeks ago when asked by the nurse if he was in pain said that he is carrying the pain and burdens of many that he loves. She said that it seems like they are interceding in prayer for his family. It made me think that all of this time, in the moments of quietness and silence, that as parents and grandparents they have spent much of their time in prayer for those that they love, in other words they are interceding for us on our behalf. While the outside world believes that they have seen better days, in their final moments, before they breathe their last breath, they know all the hardships and broken relationships and suffering that their family members and friends are enduring and yet, they are able to give one of the most precious gifts a person can possibly give, prayer. She said she can see that he is still struggling to live, however when he has finished interceding he will give up the fight.
My final thoughts to this are do I love enough to pray for those who hurt me? Do I pray for those who struggle to survive? Do I love enough to pray for those in my family who are lost? Do I love enough to judge less and pray more? Do I love to the point where I will look the other way in other's weaknesses and find joy in their strengths? Do I love enough to intercede in my moments of pain and struggle? Do I trust enough to ask for strength to walk through the trials in life? Am I willing to put myself on the line to share the love of Jesus even in worst days? Am I willing to humble myself to ask for help when I can't make it through a dark day? Am I willing to push aside my feelings to intercede for those who have turned their backs on me? These are all questions I will continue to ponder. If grandpa could do all these things in his final days, I have part of him in me...
Sunday, April 21, 2013
Ebb of Silence
It's been a long time since I have posted. I don't believe in just rambling without a purpose or meaning. Words should be used sparingly. I write on the eve of my next visit, my last with my dying grandfather held few words. A few weeks ago I tried to wake him up for over a half hour to no avail. This last visit held no expectations. To my sweet surprise and God's mercy, he was awake for 90 minutes. I held his hand, rubbed his arm and watched his eyes. I sang him my favorite praise songs without end.
There weren't many words to say. Over the years we've said a lot. My grandfather, I joke has 10 lives and has lived a year and half without his wife of 70 years. He has endured more strokes than I can count. He took the place of my dad in my dad's untimely passing. We have shared almost every holiday together, and every birthday that I can remember. Without a word being said, I feel the warm love in his arms and even in the emptiness in his eyes, I can feel the warmth of love in his eyes towards me.
Soon he will be gone. I guess when you love someone so deeply and you see that they have fulfilled their purpose here, you are willing to let them go. He is only here in mind, he is bed ridden, not much movement almost without a voice. I was blessed enough to hear the words whispered as I have heard all my life, I love you with all of my heart.
God has used my grandpa to be a heavenly example of how my heavenly father feels about me. I can only imagine, His warm embrace and seeing the warmth in His eyes when one day I will be in His presence. It is truly a gift to feel that unconditional love from a human being here on earth. As our days are numbered, even just only a few more minutes I will share with grandpa on this side, how grateful I am to have had such a loving, gentle man have so much impact on my life and to have spent so many precious days and memories.
Grandpa inspires me to embrace others with that same kind of gentle spirit and warmth. While I don't always live it as well as grandpa did, I hope that some day the same will be said about me.
There weren't many words to say. Over the years we've said a lot. My grandfather, I joke has 10 lives and has lived a year and half without his wife of 70 years. He has endured more strokes than I can count. He took the place of my dad in my dad's untimely passing. We have shared almost every holiday together, and every birthday that I can remember. Without a word being said, I feel the warm love in his arms and even in the emptiness in his eyes, I can feel the warmth of love in his eyes towards me.
Soon he will be gone. I guess when you love someone so deeply and you see that they have fulfilled their purpose here, you are willing to let them go. He is only here in mind, he is bed ridden, not much movement almost without a voice. I was blessed enough to hear the words whispered as I have heard all my life, I love you with all of my heart.
God has used my grandpa to be a heavenly example of how my heavenly father feels about me. I can only imagine, His warm embrace and seeing the warmth in His eyes when one day I will be in His presence. It is truly a gift to feel that unconditional love from a human being here on earth. As our days are numbered, even just only a few more minutes I will share with grandpa on this side, how grateful I am to have had such a loving, gentle man have so much impact on my life and to have spent so many precious days and memories.
Grandpa inspires me to embrace others with that same kind of gentle spirit and warmth. While I don't always live it as well as grandpa did, I hope that some day the same will be said about me.
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