It's been a long time since I blogged last...
Life tends to take us on many different journeys. My days have been filled with work; being a wife and a mother and often I feel like I'm torn between many worlds. I always want to do all things well and sometimes I feel like I'm not doing anything well.
I have so much joy doing so many things. I have been told many times recently that I have ADD. I think I happen to agree although it didn't appear as much when I was growing up. I was a great student and had excellent focus in my musical studies.
Now I find that I consistently do random things, having random thoughts and often I am speaking, driving and eating at a glacial pace. I forget where I put my keys, my sunglasses, my purse, my cell phone. Sometimes I have to run back into the house three or four times before I drive away. In my moments of scatteredness, I have learned to breath a word of prayer asking God for his help.
Sometimes I think my days are numbered and I want to fit everything in. I used to plan on what was going to happen in the next weeks and months ahead. Now my days are so full, I am forced to live just one day at a time. I think God likes us to live that way, living in the moment....Planning and preparation is good and necessary for many things. But I am learning that because I can only live one day at a time, I have to rely on Him more for the smallest of details. When it seems impossible to accomplish one more thing, He seems to clear the way for me! A couple of years ago I had a full year when I was not very busy. The kids were in school full time, I didn't have much work, and I had really no ministries that I was a part of. That year, He taught me so much about "Be still, and know that I am God.
He knew it was not in my personality to sit still. I find it hard to sit in silence for even just 10 minutes without my mind wandering or my feet staying in a still position. What I learned though is that He knows it is hard for me to be still. He knows I am consistently wanting to be busy, being useful to help someone else. He created me to be this way. He is teaching me humility in my randomness when I forget to return a phone call or email. I have forgotten to have lunch with a sweet friend more than once. I am finding that in my weaknesses He gives me strength and the ability to say I am sorry when I let someone down. There is freedom knowing that He has created me with strengths and weaknesses and I know that HE is God, I am not. I have so much faith and confidence that He is in control of my life that even in my scatteredness there isn't anything that takes Him by surprise. The best part of my life though is knowing that He loves me unconditionally even when I don't do everything well.
Some would say, put less in your day, say no more often, prioritize your life, and organize your world. I am working on all of these great suggestions, and yet, there is something satisfying about walking the tight rope. My favorite saying is one that my husband says often "You can sleep when you are dead." If I am doing all the things that I love, I think at some point the Lord will show and remove from me the things that He wants me to give up. Until then, I will ask the Lord to use my life each day to show the Love of Jesus to others on all sides surrounding the tight rope.
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