Living Life Abundantly through Junior High

As parents, we often want to give our children everything we didn't have. We have their best interest in mind! We want them to be healthy and happy. We want them to be free from hardships and suffering.

The past three years I learned to speak less, listen more and spend more time on my knees on Abby's behalf. At times our advice is wanted, others it is not asked for. It is a fine balance knowing which direction to turn. It was worse passing through this era of time the second time around, then when I passed through it the first time. It is far more painful to watch your child go through pain and trials then to endure it yourself. Life is much more difficult now, then when I was growing up. Kids are far more harsh, far more bold because of the life situations that they are facing. Many are from divorced homes, bouncing between two parents. Not only are they trying to figure out who they are as individuals but where do they fit in their complicated family situations. Most do not know how to process all of these complex feelings and they take it out on each other. Paul and I often comment about how cruel kids can be to each other.

I want to share, with Abby's pre-consent, a poem that she wrote for English at the end of the year. The assignment was to make a mask that represented your feelings during your experience at middle school. Then, they were to write a poem to the mask. While not everyone has experienced the trials that Abby has gone through, I want to share this with you because I think it represents what a lot of kids think during this time period...

Ode to My Hiding Place

You mask reflect, what I don’t want others to see on my face.

You have helped me hide what is happening inside of me.

For the most part, you act like a tennis shoe surrounding its lace.

At times, you make it seem like things might escape for others to see.

In the end, you protect my true personality like a phone in its case.

You are hidden beneath my appearance of joy.

You are forbidden to speak when I am filled with anger.

Help me appear happy like a small child with a brand new toy.

When I get home, you can reveal the truth, which might lead to danger.

I won’t need you forever; I won’t give others the power to destroy.

I come home and empty my head of the negative things I thought.

Most of them confusing, I can’t seem to understand.

You hide my war wounds and daily beatings of battles fought.

You help me place my feet firmly on this troubled, familiar land.

You are far more valuable to me than, a mask I could have bought.

I won’t always carry a lot of sadness or feel the need to deceive.

Even though you are faithful, you walk with me throughout the day.

You are helping me accept myself, and my need to believe,

Passing off the responses of others, making my life seem everything’s OK.

You help me see there are genuine people out there willing to give and receive.

Words have often hurt my heart and caused my soul to bleed.

You always make me feel safe, knowing what to do when you should.

There are times to be silent and times to plant a seed.

I know that some of the people I love did the best that they could.

But, You have served me better and have given me what I need.

For now, I feel the need to wave my arms with hands held high,

I will put you in a safe place to use for another rainy day.

I feel strong enough to stand without the need to sigh.

The storms already ceased, emotions need not continue to play.

You have served me well, Dear friend, Hasta Luego, Adios, Goodbye.

While I wish she didn't have these experiences, as I read her poem, I think how young we learn these coping skills. How many times as an adult has someone asked you how you are? Even if your world seems like it is crashing in around you, you cheerfully reply "Fine, everything is great." You are wearing your mask. 

Abby learned some lifetime lessons in junior high far more valuable than what caused the Vietnam war or the history of Greece. She learned how to treat those who are less fortunate than we are like the special needs kids that graduated with her class. She learned to have empathy for those who have no friends or have compassion on the nerdy boy that everyone was mocking. She learned when to speak up and when to remain silent. She learned what it was to pray and ask God to get her through another day when she felt all alone. She witnessed that God is faithful with all His promises and that He would provide a way out or a new friend to finish off the year strong. She learned to ask God to remember facts before a test and learned to give Him glory when she finished another quarter with all A's. 

My dad's statement proves true again and again, "There is no growth without fire!" Abby has been tested for the past three years. The scars and the lessons will forever be woven within her character. I believe that nothing is wasted in God's plan. She will look back on these experiences, knowing that somehow He would use these lessons as a stepping stone for His purpose for her in the future. There are no short cuts to integrity. Many times developing character comes with a costly price tag. I know that one day when the storms of life come, her roots are deeply planted in the knowledge of God's love for her and the fact that He has promised never to leave her or forsake her!  She learned to rise above her circumstances, to hold her head up high and choose joy!