Train the younger women to be sane and sober of mind (temperate, disciplined)...In the same way, urge the younger men to be self-restrained and to behave prudently (taking life seriously). And show your own self in all respects to be a pattern and a model of good deeds and works, teaching what is unadulterated, showing gravity (having the strictest regard for truth and purity of motive) with dignity and seriousness. Titus 2
Have you ever had another parent compliment you on how well mannered your child was when they had a playdate or a sleepover? Has your child ever stood up for someone who was being belittled or didn't know how to stand up for themselves? Has your child ever been in a situation where they felt like giving up and wanted to quit and you witnessed them digging deep to finish strong? Has your child ever struggled in a class only to finish the semester with a high grade when they were always on the verge of getting something lower. Has your child ever been in a game or competition where they were the underdog and at the end they came back to win? Has your son or daughter ever been the only one in the group of many to choose the right path, while all of the others were breaking the rules or even breaking the law?
There are many moments in a parent's career when you feel affirmed in your quest to help your son or daughter rise to their potential. Some times it takes us out of our own comfort zone to push them past what they think they can achieve. Let's face it, I know only limited number of adults who push themselves physically and mentally (myself included) to achieve a monumentous goal such as participating in an Ironman competition or starting a new career after being in the same place for years or coming back from a major illness. Most of us are happy just being mediocre in our daily lives and for that matter, our spiritual lives. We love status quo because it is easier. Our comfort zone spills over into how we parent and we allow our kids to live status quo lives as well.
Today our son was pushed past his limits. He did the hard thing even though there is no promise at the end. Our daughter has time and time again perservered with no blue ribbon. She has given it her all only to receive no accalades or award of any kind except for the knowledge that she has given it her all. It is in these moments that we are so proud of who they are becoming and we are so proud of them for being disciplined and taking life seriously.
There is a difference between empty praise, which is flattery and true compliments. Flattery are words building another person up without any work or reason behind the praise. There is no fooling the recipient if a compliment comes from the wrong motive. Every person knows when they deserve to be praised.
For me, sports bring a lot of reasons to be proud of our kids. They teach many things such as discipline, working together cooperatively, respecting authority, accepting creative criticism, etc. Some adults live vicariously through their child; either reliving their past or pushing for their child to excel to a greater place then they did. For me, I think sports are another way to teach skills that our children will need for the rest of their lives. Being part of a team is so valuable because we have to learn to coexist with people we don't particularly care for, we have to learn to respect others' similarities and differences, we have to learn to accept the leadership styles of the coaches because one day they will have to work for a boss. If they can quit their team when life gets hard, they might learn to move from job to job or church to church when problems arise with others. It is in these moments when our kids do the right thing or the hard thing that we should go above and beyond to let them know how proud we are for their effort.
While praise is important for performance, the most significant praise for children is for character qualities such as honesty, integrity, and courage. Every child needs the approval of their parents to grow and flourish.
Sunday, September 8, 2013
Friday, September 6, 2013
Where the Rubber Meets the Road
Because we know that suffering produces perseverance, character; and character hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. Romans 5: 3-5
Life has a way of wearing us down at times. It seems that it is easier for me to bear the disappointments that happen to me, rather than rejections/failures/or mistakes happening to those who are closest to me. I looked back on the lives of my kids remembering the friends, competitions or games that they have lost, or positions that they tried out for and didn't make. The pain that they feel seems so much greater to us as parents because you don't want your kids to feel rejection or loss. I wonder if that is how God feels when we experience trials. I wonder if the pain is so much greater for Him, watching us struggle.
Many times, I think we would like to remove the hardships from the lives of those we love. We want them to be happy and carefree, never experiencing trials and pain. But this verse sheds light on the purpose of suffering; to produce perseverance and character. Sometimes even the youngest say, "Why did God allow me not to make the team, or why does God allow me to struggle so much with friends or why did my parents have to get a divorce?" Don't we as adults ask the same questions? Why did I have to lose my job? Why did I not get the job I wanted? Why is their life so easy and carefree and mine has so many struggles? Why do natural disasters happen? The questions come by the thousands. Doubts come like a dark cloud.
When rejection or failures come, we are faced with choices. Do I quit and just move on to someone or something else? Do I analyze where I can take ownership in the situation or maybe I have no control or responsibility whatsoever in the crisis? Do I really have a desire to excel and do I have what it takes to get there? If so, what steps do I need to achieve to reach my goal?
Can I see the bigger picture of what God is developing in me or those that I love through the struggles? If I remove the hardships in my loved one's life, will they ever grow? Is it really about winning the competition, job, relationship or is He just trying to teach me/them something through the process? Will they ever develop the tenacity to stick things out when life gets tough or do I just tell them to throw in the towel and later their life will get easier? My dad used to say, "Faith, Life is just not fair". As you get older you realize there will always be someone bigger, better, wiser, richer, more educated, more...Comparison is a no-win kind of game.
Are we intentional in teaching the younger generations to be the best that God created them to be, accepting their strengths and their weaknesses and working harder at times where they fall short. I don't think there are any short cuts to excellence. It doesn't happen by wishing, it happens by doing. We can be active participants or we can let the world pass us by, never pursuing our dreams and allow the fear of failure to order the steps of our future. I think the lesson is not so much in the rejection or the failures, but how we respond and how we pass on the torch to look forward instead of looking behind.
To embrace hardships instead of wishing them away is counter-intuitive to what we humanly desire. Yet, our thoughts are not God's thoughts. God wants us to use these times of suffering to encourage others, emphathize and mourn with them and accompany them on their journey. The most important thing we can do is to earnestly pray that God will use their trials for His good and mold them into who He wants them to be.
Life has a way of wearing us down at times. It seems that it is easier for me to bear the disappointments that happen to me, rather than rejections/failures/or mistakes happening to those who are closest to me. I looked back on the lives of my kids remembering the friends, competitions or games that they have lost, or positions that they tried out for and didn't make. The pain that they feel seems so much greater to us as parents because you don't want your kids to feel rejection or loss. I wonder if that is how God feels when we experience trials. I wonder if the pain is so much greater for Him, watching us struggle.
Many times, I think we would like to remove the hardships from the lives of those we love. We want them to be happy and carefree, never experiencing trials and pain. But this verse sheds light on the purpose of suffering; to produce perseverance and character. Sometimes even the youngest say, "Why did God allow me not to make the team, or why does God allow me to struggle so much with friends or why did my parents have to get a divorce?" Don't we as adults ask the same questions? Why did I have to lose my job? Why did I not get the job I wanted? Why is their life so easy and carefree and mine has so many struggles? Why do natural disasters happen? The questions come by the thousands. Doubts come like a dark cloud.
When rejection or failures come, we are faced with choices. Do I quit and just move on to someone or something else? Do I analyze where I can take ownership in the situation or maybe I have no control or responsibility whatsoever in the crisis? Do I really have a desire to excel and do I have what it takes to get there? If so, what steps do I need to achieve to reach my goal?
Can I see the bigger picture of what God is developing in me or those that I love through the struggles? If I remove the hardships in my loved one's life, will they ever grow? Is it really about winning the competition, job, relationship or is He just trying to teach me/them something through the process? Will they ever develop the tenacity to stick things out when life gets tough or do I just tell them to throw in the towel and later their life will get easier? My dad used to say, "Faith, Life is just not fair". As you get older you realize there will always be someone bigger, better, wiser, richer, more educated, more...Comparison is a no-win kind of game.
Are we intentional in teaching the younger generations to be the best that God created them to be, accepting their strengths and their weaknesses and working harder at times where they fall short. I don't think there are any short cuts to excellence. It doesn't happen by wishing, it happens by doing. We can be active participants or we can let the world pass us by, never pursuing our dreams and allow the fear of failure to order the steps of our future. I think the lesson is not so much in the rejection or the failures, but how we respond and how we pass on the torch to look forward instead of looking behind.
To embrace hardships instead of wishing them away is counter-intuitive to what we humanly desire. Yet, our thoughts are not God's thoughts. God wants us to use these times of suffering to encourage others, emphathize and mourn with them and accompany them on their journey. The most important thing we can do is to earnestly pray that God will use their trials for His good and mold them into who He wants them to be.
Monday, August 26, 2013
Without a Doubt
The Lord is trustworthy in all he promises and faithful in all he does. The Lord upholds all who falls and lifts up all who are bowed down. The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food at the proper time. You open your hand and satisfy the desires of every living thing. The Lord is righteous in all his ways and faithful in all he does. The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them. The Lord watches over all who love him. Psalm 145: 14-17
Last blog I talked about jumping off a cliff. Our family had an adventure in the last two weeks. Sometimes you look back and say and why did we go through that adventure? I believe that there was a purpose even though we can't see why.
I have to say that when we started out, I had every confidence in God that He would direct our paths. I can't say that I didn't have feelings of anxiety, lack of patience or even feelings of uneasiness during the process. You can't always base your decisions on feelings. Our family was united in the adventure from beginning to end, including our kids. It isn't often that the entire family has one heart. When the Holy Spirit lives within us, He gives each one of us the gift of discernment. I have experienced time and time again that when you pray and ask God for wisdom when we lack it and believe, that He is going to answer, for He is faithful.
God slammed the doors shut, in His timing. Actually out of His graciousness and mercy it was perfect timing for Paul was heading to be out of town for a week for training. I can clearly see HIS hand in protection for us, Him knowing our hearts' desire better than we knew it ourselves at the moment and for Him seeing the future even when we could not. Just like we want the best for our children, He wants whats best for us.
I promised Him from the beginning that when the journey was done, I would give Him the honor and glory. I think sometimes we can think we can only trust Him in the life shattering moments of life. However, as you walk with Him you realize that He is concerned with ALL of the details of our life, big and small. Answers to our prayers often have unexpected twists and turns, but in the end if we just trust, He will be faithful.
Thursday, August 22, 2013
Jumping off the Cliff
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding, acknowledge Him and He shall direct thy path. Proverbs 3:5-6
Have you ever started down a path that you felt you should go and when you are heading down the path, the thought occurs to you, what have we done? Maybe it is a career change, or having a child, or moving to a new place, or moving to a new community. You have the small quiet voice urging you to leave behind all the comfort that you've known to go into the unknown. I'm sure that Abraham and Sarah must have felt that hundreds of years ago. God told them to leave their family, community to a place of unknowns. It is like jumping off a cliff into deep waters. I've never done that but I've watched both my kids do that a couple of summers ago. It was very frightening to me, watching them stand on the edge.
What about us, standing on the edge? Sometimes you almost have a panic attack, waiting and wondering what is going to happen next. Sometimes we have a hard time sleeping at night and others, things don't work out exactly as we've planned. In the midst of the unknown, I take the quiet moments to ponder that trust is not trust in the known.
While we live in the known, we control our own destiny. It is so much easier to live in the comfort of what I know and is familiar to me. We work hard to create a life of comfort for ourselves. None of us likes to create extra work that learning a new job, making new friends or redecorating a house has in store. The moment you step off the cliff, while you are in mid air God is in charge when we are not. It is so hard to give up our own control. We like to prepare and predict what our outcome is going to be. I think though that there is little opportunity for growth in that kind of life.
There is a confident assurance that God sees the bigger picture and sometimes He can see parts of the future that we can't predict. Living in limbo is never easy and having to wait for answers is little to be desired. There are also times in life where many changes come at once creating a perfect storm scenario, like the dam is going to break. I've heard so many people say, I don't konw how much more God thinks I can take.
What if in the midst of the storm, we say, "God you know we are in the eye of the storm. You see the now of our life and you see the future. I give all of my emotions of worry, anxiety, fear, doubt, and for many the list goes on and on. Today I will praise you for allowing us to be in the center of this whirlwind, for it is here that we are forced to rely on you. We will walk through the doors that you open. Please close all the doors where you don't want us to go. We give all of our needs and desires to you. We are confident that you have our best interest in mind and that you know what is best for us. We desire to do your will and are trusting that you will guide us where you want us to go. We give up our own control to do as you lead. And in return, we will be exactly where you want us to be to fulfill the purpose that You want us to fulfill; Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven!"
Have you ever started down a path that you felt you should go and when you are heading down the path, the thought occurs to you, what have we done? Maybe it is a career change, or having a child, or moving to a new place, or moving to a new community. You have the small quiet voice urging you to leave behind all the comfort that you've known to go into the unknown. I'm sure that Abraham and Sarah must have felt that hundreds of years ago. God told them to leave their family, community to a place of unknowns. It is like jumping off a cliff into deep waters. I've never done that but I've watched both my kids do that a couple of summers ago. It was very frightening to me, watching them stand on the edge.
What about us, standing on the edge? Sometimes you almost have a panic attack, waiting and wondering what is going to happen next. Sometimes we have a hard time sleeping at night and others, things don't work out exactly as we've planned. In the midst of the unknown, I take the quiet moments to ponder that trust is not trust in the known.
While we live in the known, we control our own destiny. It is so much easier to live in the comfort of what I know and is familiar to me. We work hard to create a life of comfort for ourselves. None of us likes to create extra work that learning a new job, making new friends or redecorating a house has in store. The moment you step off the cliff, while you are in mid air God is in charge when we are not. It is so hard to give up our own control. We like to prepare and predict what our outcome is going to be. I think though that there is little opportunity for growth in that kind of life.
There is a confident assurance that God sees the bigger picture and sometimes He can see parts of the future that we can't predict. Living in limbo is never easy and having to wait for answers is little to be desired. There are also times in life where many changes come at once creating a perfect storm scenario, like the dam is going to break. I've heard so many people say, I don't konw how much more God thinks I can take.
What if in the midst of the storm, we say, "God you know we are in the eye of the storm. You see the now of our life and you see the future. I give all of my emotions of worry, anxiety, fear, doubt, and for many the list goes on and on. Today I will praise you for allowing us to be in the center of this whirlwind, for it is here that we are forced to rely on you. We will walk through the doors that you open. Please close all the doors where you don't want us to go. We give all of our needs and desires to you. We are confident that you have our best interest in mind and that you know what is best for us. We desire to do your will and are trusting that you will guide us where you want us to go. We give up our own control to do as you lead. And in return, we will be exactly where you want us to be to fulfill the purpose that You want us to fulfill; Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven!"
Monday, August 19, 2013
Burden or Blessing
My God shall provide all your needs...
Life is full of minor inconveniences. You drive through a construction zone and park your car in the garage. The next time you come out, the warning light goes on and you have a flat. A storm comes and the winds howl, leaving three large limbs on your roof. Your children are taking their sweet time getting ready for church, leaving you running ten minutes late. As you near the church, you see an accident just in the place you would have been just minutes sooner.
There are so many things that occur that can annoy us and consume our time and effort. It is easy to find ourselves asking God why me, why do these things always happen to us not seeing the big picture. Sometimes we are blessed enough to see his protection from what could have happened to us. At other times he allows things like tree branches falling to bless a family member by providing a brand new roof for the entire house, saving them $15,000. Our God is faithful in His protection, He is faithful in His provision, He is the giver of all good gifts. The next time an inconvenience comes up, try to see the bigger picture. God allows us to have to live through our own errors, while others, He allows us to go through minor trials to see if we can trust. You never know when the result of a burden becomes a blessing.
Life is full of minor inconveniences. You drive through a construction zone and park your car in the garage. The next time you come out, the warning light goes on and you have a flat. A storm comes and the winds howl, leaving three large limbs on your roof. Your children are taking their sweet time getting ready for church, leaving you running ten minutes late. As you near the church, you see an accident just in the place you would have been just minutes sooner.
There are so many things that occur that can annoy us and consume our time and effort. It is easy to find ourselves asking God why me, why do these things always happen to us not seeing the big picture. Sometimes we are blessed enough to see his protection from what could have happened to us. At other times he allows things like tree branches falling to bless a family member by providing a brand new roof for the entire house, saving them $15,000. Our God is faithful in His protection, He is faithful in His provision, He is the giver of all good gifts. The next time an inconvenience comes up, try to see the bigger picture. God allows us to have to live through our own errors, while others, He allows us to go through minor trials to see if we can trust. You never know when the result of a burden becomes a blessing.
Friday, August 16, 2013
Simple Truth
It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a suitable helper for him. Genesis 2:19
It is not often that I get the chance to sit with my in-laws by myself. In catching up and going over the events of the summer I realized that life is so short. We spend our entire life building our careers, our houses, our families, our possessions. Our kids grow up, make a life of their own and move away. This weekend I have the honor of being here for a dear friend of mine whose daughter is getting married. I watched her daughter grow up and now will make a life of her own. We just attended the ceremony for my father in laws retirement last month. As all of these life changes occur; I hear in the voice of my aged mentors say, "as life changes, we realize as soon as you stop working you are quickly replaced and soon forgotten, no one is irreplaceable. Friends come and go through seasons of life. Even your kids move on with their lives. When all is said and done the priceless treasure is the one that walks through life with you day to day."
I think back on my grandparents' legacy of more than 70!years together. I see my in-laws legacy of 58 years together and you start to see a simple truth. While longevity of this magnitude with the same person may not yield a perfect example, there is no such thing. What stands out is two people committed to choosing to work on a relationship through grace and forgiveness so that when everyone else is gone, two remain. What a wonderful picture of God 's provision for man, someone to grow old with, someone to share life with. How thankful I am that God gave me Paul. Not everyone can say they are blessed. Some of my dear friends and family members have been separated from their soul mates by death. I pray for them to experience that companionship once again. I pray for my married friends that they will continue to invest time and effort in cultivating their relationships with their spouses so that when they are in their 80's they will say "my biggest treasure is my spouse".
It is not often that I get the chance to sit with my in-laws by myself. In catching up and going over the events of the summer I realized that life is so short. We spend our entire life building our careers, our houses, our families, our possessions. Our kids grow up, make a life of their own and move away. This weekend I have the honor of being here for a dear friend of mine whose daughter is getting married. I watched her daughter grow up and now will make a life of her own. We just attended the ceremony for my father in laws retirement last month. As all of these life changes occur; I hear in the voice of my aged mentors say, "as life changes, we realize as soon as you stop working you are quickly replaced and soon forgotten, no one is irreplaceable. Friends come and go through seasons of life. Even your kids move on with their lives. When all is said and done the priceless treasure is the one that walks through life with you day to day."
I think back on my grandparents' legacy of more than 70!years together. I see my in-laws legacy of 58 years together and you start to see a simple truth. While longevity of this magnitude with the same person may not yield a perfect example, there is no such thing. What stands out is two people committed to choosing to work on a relationship through grace and forgiveness so that when everyone else is gone, two remain. What a wonderful picture of God 's provision for man, someone to grow old with, someone to share life with. How thankful I am that God gave me Paul. Not everyone can say they are blessed. Some of my dear friends and family members have been separated from their soul mates by death. I pray for them to experience that companionship once again. I pray for my married friends that they will continue to invest time and effort in cultivating their relationships with their spouses so that when they are in their 80's they will say "my biggest treasure is my spouse".
Monday, August 12, 2013
Follow the Leader
10 things that authentic leaders do on a regular basis:
1. They speak truth. Speaking truth is simply about being clear, being honest and being authentic.
2. They lead from the heart. Leadership is about people. The best leaders wear their hearts on their sleeves and are not afraid to show their vulnerability. They genuinely care about other people and spend their days developing the people around them.
3. They have rich moral fiber. Strength of character is true power. Authentic leaders work on their character. They walk their talk and are aligned with their core values. They are noble and good. And in doing so, people trust, respect and listen to them.
4, They are courageous. It takes a lot of courage to go against the crowd. It takes a lot of inner strength to do what you think is right even though it may not be easy. We live in a world where so many people walk the path of least resistance. Authentic leadership is all about taking the road less traveled and doing, not what is easy, but what is right.
5. They build teams and create communities. In the old days, we got our community from where we lived. We would have block parties and street picnics. Authentic leaders create workplaces that foster human linkages and lasting friendships. It is humility to be able to listen and incorporate the ideas of others and have a teachable spirit.
6.They deepen themselves.They know their weaknesses and play to their strengths. And they always spend a lot of time transcending their fears.
7. They are dreamers. Einstein said that, “Imagination is more important than knowledge.” Authentic leaders dare to dream impossible dreams.
8. They care for themselves. Taking care of your physical dimension is a sign of self-respect. You can’t do great things at work if you don’t feel good. Authentic leaders eat well, exercise and care for the temples that are their bodies. They spend time in nature, drink plenty of water.
9. They commit to excellence rather than perfection. No human being is perfect. Every single one of us is a work in progress. Authentic leaders commit themselves to excellence in everything that they do.
10. They leave a legacy. To live in the hearts of the people around you is to never die. You were made to contribute and to leave a mark on the people around you. In failing to live from this frame of reference, you betray yourself.
I found this list on True Life Coaching. Many of us don't see ourselves as a leader or a role model. But let me ask you a question; are you a teacher, a volunteer where kids are there, a parent, an aunt or uncle, a grandparent, a school bus driver or a a dance coach? If you have the influence or ear of a child, teenager or young adult, then you are a leader. I thought about each one of these points and many of them have to do with our character or how we treat others.
Often, I think we hold others up who are in leadership on a pedestal, with unrealistic expectations. My dad used to say, if you keep your eyes on people, they will always fail and disappoint. If you keep your eyes on Jesus, He never changes. While all of these things are worthwhile to achieve, I love #9 the most! No human being is perfect. For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God! Every single one of us in a work in progress. That makes us all the same, not one can cast a stone at another. We all mistakes, we all fall short, we all are on a journey. Some of us have already realized that we need a Savior. Others are still looking and seeking. All of us have a divine purpose to be here on this earth. All of us touch the lives of many around us every day. The question is, who does our life point others to? Does my life point others to Jesus or away from Him? I guess it depends on the day right? Some days people might not see Jesus front and center. On other days, I might be a clear reflection of Him and there is no doubt whose child I am.
Are you someone who leads or follows? Everyone has the divine capactity to lead, you can lead others in the right direction or the wrong one. You can follow those who walk in the right direction or the wrong one. Life is all about choices and consequences. It is certain that at times we will make the wrong choices. What we do with our failures though can be a turning point in our life and in the life of others. We can choose to relive the past over and over without forgiveness for ourself or others or we can chose to forgive and move forward.
Leaders come and go in our life. The ones who remain in our hearts and lives forever are the ones who live their lives with integrity, courage and character. I can think of many men in my life living and dead who have held a special place in my heart. They possessed all of the things written above. Whether they are geographically close or physically no more, their legacy and the impact they have on us is forever. Men and women of character make mistakes, learn from them, grow and mature and use their life as projection for others to see that Jesus is the business of salvation, redemption and restoration. Without our humanity, we lack for compassion and empathy for others who come behind us who do have not experienced the power of the cross or the need for forgiveness, kindness and mercy. For those of us who have experienced redemption and mercy, it comes more freely to be able to give away...
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