Meaningless

I usually post on an upbeat note. However, this past week I haven't felt so upbeat. It's not a normal place for me to be really. Most of those who know me well, know that this is out of the ordinary. I've pondered a lot this week and realized some things.

Traveling to the Dominican, seeing some big changes in others and then coming back to the ordinary, the mundane, feeling torn between being overly blessed and back into the reality of every day life, I see things differently. I saw life there in its simplicity, I saw life without things. I experienced community and traded it for technology and the life of solitude, life behind bright screens. It truly isn't the same as being surrounded by others.

I also know that after "mountain top experiences" we are often hit with trials and tribulations. I think the enemy wants to see if the changes that we experienced are for real or if we will just crumble and become like we were before. He often replaces joy with depression, health with sickness, community with separation.

Walking life with Christ is peaks and valleys. This week when I looked around, I remembered Ecclesiastes. Solomon talked about having grand houses, material wealth, power and prestige. And then one day he looked around and saw that it all amounted to nothing, it was worthless. I've tried all week to pull myself out of the funk, all to no avail. Maybe He wants me to stay here for a little while and just sit still.

I HATE sitting still, I'm not very good at it. In the past, I have not shared or been transparent, when I visit these valleys. It is far better to give everyone the appearance that every one's life is perfect, without dark days or days of doubt. But there is not a soul that doesn't go here, valleys are for every human. Some of us stay for a day or two, others stay for months, yet others battle with the valleys for a lifetime. It is real and I think Satan loves for us to visit this place alone.

I sensed tonight that God wanted me to share this valley. Someone along the way will read this and know that they are not alone. It is a human condition to feel blue. There are so many life experiences that cause one to feel down or depressed. Sometimes we can't even acknowledge what brings us to this place.

I used to question where God was in the valley, why I couldn't feel His presence. Why He wouldn't reveal Himself to me when I truly needed to feel Him near. I truly battled with that for years until last year I finally figured out that I never see Him in the darkness. He wants me to trust that He is there even though I can't see or feel Him. He has NEVER revealed Himself until after I come through the tunnel, however long I might be in there. On the other side I always see Him, like in a rainbow which He has shown me several times. I don't know how long I will stay in the valley, I guess that is only for Him to decide. I know who is responsible for casting the trials upon me and I know that God has allowed them to change something in me. Although I can't see the big picture, I know that He still loves me and will reveal Himself to me on the other side of the fog. Until then, I trust that He knows what is best for me and I will try to do my best to be still and wait...

P.S. This was my nightly reading...
Since you are part of My royal family..you must share my suffering if you are to share My glory. You don't need to search for ways to suffer. Living in this broken world provides ample opportunity to experience pain of many kinds. When adversity comes your way, search for Me in the midst of your struggles. Ask Me to help you suffer well, in a manner worthy of royalty. Everything you endure can help you become more like Me. Remember the ultimate goal: You will see My face in righteousness and be satisfied.