I often say my grandpa has nine lives. He has brushed death's door more than 6 times, his newest escape this past week. While we were in Indiana, he had a couple of strokes and a long stay in the hospital. I have held his hand and told him I loved him a thousand times, thinking it will be the last time I ever see him again on this side of heaven. He has told me over and over that he will hang on until my grandma is gone to heaven first. He doesn't want her to be left here alone.
I went to visit him tonight in the rehabilitation facility and the room was dark. He was lying in bed with the oxygen in his nose and a breathing treatment in his mouth. He was lying there so peaceful gazing straight ahead like he didn't even know I was there. He tried to speak with the tube in his mouth and his speech was slurred. I talked to him quietly and told him to just listen. My heart was filled with sadness hearing that he is in pain at times from the treatments he is going through and with so many complications that are taking place with his health I kept wondering why such a faithful servant has to endure so much suffering. Is it grandpa's will to stay or the fact that God knows exactly how many days he will remain on this earth? I keep wondering why God is allowing him to stay.
It has taken me a long time to be willing to let him go. He has been like a dad to me since my dad left us so many years ago. He has been such a faithful loving grandfather to my kids all of these years. Although I feel so much love for him, I now feel so much empathy for the fact that he is so weary and tired of being in pain physically and of carrying the burdens of my grandma who can't even remember our names. I pray daily now for God to take Him home. For when he leaves us He will feel no more pain, there will no longer be so many medicines, he will shed no more tears, nor will he be confined to a bed or a chair. He will gain a new body free from all his ailments and will never have to worry about any of us or anything for the rest of eternity. I am sure my dad will be waiting for him. I'm sure they will go fishing.
So tonight as I sat in the dark by his side, we sat in mostly silence. I sat on the edge of his bed as he stroked my hair. He's never done that before. I told him how much I loved him and that grandma will be Ok.
I leave for a couple of weeks again on Monday. I don't know what will happen to grandpa tomorrow, or a week from now or a month from now. But I pray that his remaining days here will be few.
Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, surely the darkness will hide me, even the darkness will not be dark to you. The night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. Psalm 139:7-12
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