Marriage is full of gives and takes, compromises and sacrifices. I have one of the best examples to follow just 15 minutes away. My grandparents have been married for 70 years! Yes, you read that correctly 70! That is almost an eternity, I don't know anyone else who has been married 70 years do you? So the first question that may come to your mind with 50% of all marriages ending in divorce is how in the heck have they done this...
Grandpa has said his entire life, men will always get the last word in if he just says "Yes dear!" I have always thought certain things about this statement. First of all, was he always the one to compromise? Second, was he always the one who was watching over grandma or did she give in return? I think they learned the art of give and take.
What is a deposit? The dictionary says to place for safe-keeping or in trust. In this context I think you can make all kind of deposits in the life of your spouse. These deposits might be: allowing your spouse to be their own person and doing the things that interest them most. You can give them time alone with their friends, or allow them to purchase things within agreed upon amounts or within the resources that are alloted that make them happy. Sometimes it is important to do tasks that are important to them or run errands for them. Make them feel important by setting time for special dates alone without family or friends. Be available!
Emotional deposits might be: saying I love you, holding hands, having more sex, giving compliments or words of respect or appreciation. Talk about them with high regard to others in their presence or even in their absence. Back up their decisions with regards to child rearing when kids play one parent against the other. Encourage your spouse to dream big dreams and help them achieve future goals. Anything that allows the other person to be as God created them to be, that inspires them to love others, and that allows them to continue to grow and encourages the other to grow closer in their marriage as one is a deposit.
A withdrawal means...the art of taking something back or away, separation, emotional detachment. Withdrawals can be unkind words, disrespectful looks, silence, indifference, lack of attention or compliments, lack of honesty or breaking a confidence. Many people think that intimacy is sex alone. Intimacy is defined as the feeling of being in close personal association and belonging together. Belonging together is...sharing life experiences, memories, daily routines, enjoying each other's company, having things in common, expressing to your spouse they are loved and secure is intimacy.
I think after 70 years there is more binding my grandparents together than just the physical bond. Although the family will tell you that their's wasn't a perfect life, the two of them, they learned the art of belonging together. My grandpa has told me over and over in the past five years, as he has brushed past death's door on more than one occasion, that he has remained here on earth to watch over my grandma. They have learned the art of intimacy, although they aren't dreaming new dreams or planning what they will do in the future, they talk about leaving this earth together and getting new bodies, being reunited with family and friends that have left this earth before them.
When you think about your spouse, how do you view your relationship? Do you make more deposits or withdrawals? Do you see your relationship as a valuable asset? Do you take responsibility for your own liabilities or do you blame your spouse when you think life could be better? What will it take for your relationship to last 70 years? If you want it to last 70 years, what quality will your relationship be if both of you just make withdrawals? What kind of deposits need to be made for it to be a fulfilling relationship if you live that long?
No comments:
Post a Comment