Blowing Your Top!

Anger: A Powerful Emotion

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1

A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control. Proverbs 29:11

An angry man stirs up dissension, and a hot-tempered one commits many sins. Proverbs 29:22

No man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men who have been made in God's likeness. James 3:8-9

Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. For man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. James 1:19-20

God has created us with the capacity to feel many emotions. Anger can be used for the positive but in many cases it is used in a negative manner. Jesus felt a righteous anger because men were using the temple to make a profit by cheating people by selling animals used to sacrifice at inflated prices. He overturned their tables and money went flying everywhere. But what he didn't do was yell at them or call them names. He confronted them so they would stop what they were doing. This story is found in Matthew 21.

When we feel we have been taken advantage of, not given the credit or respect that we deserve, we act in less than loving ways. Instead of walking away until we can calmly address the person and the subject, we act in less than appropriate ways, in essence, in our anger we sin. Ephesians 4:26

We sometimes yell at those in harms way and don't take seriously the power of our tongue to hurt. Once our words are said, they cannot be taken back. They can be forgiven, but they are permanently written in the memory of the receiver!

We find fault with others to make ourselves feel more superior. Blaming without asking questions or asking for facts before coming to a conclusive decision imposes guilt and shame that might not be warranted. When a fight occures between our kids, before I jump to conclusions about who will receive the punishment, I ask both kids their side of the story. Often if I have not been a witness and I hear yelling and fighting from both of them, I find they are both deemed guilty! Put downs can occur with just a condescending tone, but talking down to the other person makes them feel small or insignificant.

Often we get angry because things have not been done our way. We are called to put the best interests of others ahead of our own, yet sometimes we want to get even. Sometimes when we suffer embarrassment, witness misbehavior, lose an important possession, or miss an opportunity, we want the other person to suffer for the fact that we are disappointed.

The best example to follow so that you don't cross the line with anger is found in I Corinthians 13...

Love is:

Patient...Are the words that I am speaking without thought as to how they will impact the receiver?

Kind...Are my words unkind?

Love is not:

Proud...Am I speaking words to build myself up?

Rude...Are my words coming across disrespectful, am I willing to listen to the other point of view?

Self-Seeking...Am I trying to get my own way, or am I justifying my emotions at someone else's expense?

Easily angered...Are my words hostile, am I exasperating the other person?

Love does not:

Envy...Am I trying to control the other person by what I am saying?

Boast...Are these words bragging and making me feel superior?

Delight in evil...Are these words destroying the other person?

Love always:

Protects...Am I attacking someone I love?

Trusts...Am I causing the other person to question my love for them or putting doubt in their mind about whether the relationship is secure?

Hopes...Am I causing despair and lack of hope for the future?

Perseveres...Do my words lessen the other's motivation to be their best, do they know that I will care about them no matter what?

Keeps no records of wrongs...Do my words come from past unresolved issues or hurts?

Rejoices with the truth...Do these words reflect truth to motivate constructive change or are they based on emotion that might not hold any truth?

Never fails...Do these words reflect loss of love and respect for the receiver?

I tell you the truth that men will have to give account on the day of judgement for every careless word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned. Matthew 12:36-37

Before speaking or yelling in haste, in the impulse of the moment ask these questions:

How does the person I am unloading on feel when I am venting without thought or reason?

Am I displaying anger in an appropriate manner that I want kids to adapt in their future relationships and families?

Am I seeking to restore the relationship through conflict?

Will this outburst encourage future trust to share personal thoughts and feelings or impair the relationship?

Am I committed to meeting the needs of the other person or am I looking out for myself?

Do I have an exit strategy when I feel like I am going to explode?

Would Jesus speak to me or treat me in this manner when I fall short of His expectations for me?

A man of knowledge uses words with restraint and a man of understanding is even tempered". 

Proverbs 17:27